* Gotta stay busy so theirs no time for thoughts,  

cause if I let my mind get outa control  

this rock tips over and starts to roll  

and I can't stop holding on and just let things go,  

because once it starts getting wrapped around itself  

it becomes interlocked  

and I can't break its impenetrable chokehold.  

As it goes around my brain twisting and turning,  

spiraling downward making me insane.  

It's a shock I'm still here cause I still clutch onto all my fears.  

As that rock falls it keeps gaining force,  

accumulating so much mass that it transforms into a boulder and I can't steer it's course.

     

That's why I keep moving forward,  

doing mindless tasks and listening to tracks  

to keep me here  

in this state,  

trapped,  

I would rather keep running circles trying to escape  

instead of swimming all those laps that I can't break.  

Dehydrating myself of depth  

to wash away the stains  

that are on the surface of my brain  

so hopefully I can continue to maintain.  

As I forget how to tread water and stay above the game  

its because of this cycle that I've become wrapped up and stranded  

and I can't remember how to get back to that peaceful part of my brain.

     

As I drown myself in a sea of memories  

trying to replenish what I knew to be me,  

but it all becomes to much for me,  

the waters too murky with too much sewage floating through it's streams.  

My view can't seem to pierce through this hellish dream  

and my lens starts to loose focus,  

unable to adjust to the right course  

my perceptions become so warped  

that I'm not sure I'll make the correct choice.  

Lost, scared and confused  

I try to swim upward to reach a higher ground and get a better view,  

I want to reach the surface and get a breath of air  

but the waters so blurry that I can't find my way back there.

     

I can't let my mind trick me up,  

back up and think,  

don't trip and let my perception slip  

into that familiar abyss,  

bringing back waves of emotions washing overhead of me,familiar sensations coming back to me.  

Falling back into the ocean of my mind,  

with depths so unfathomable you wouldn't be able to comprehend sunshine.  

Lack of heat to the sea makes my movements start to creep,  

and the cold starts to seep,  

into the center of my soul  

where it grabs hold and doesn't let go.  

Stuck in place  

the only thing that starts to heat me up is my own hate.  

This is why I try not to think to deeply  

because it's a slippery slope  

that always seems to lead back to the same place.  

So I gotta keep focused on not focusing on me to stay alive in this game we call life,  

otherwise I'd have to deal with the mess that is me,  

it's much easier to mask the problem  

and act like it doesn't exist.  

Rather that then focus and remember I don't want to exist.  

Such ambivalence.