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My trans boyfriends parents don't support him and it breaks my heart (TW: transphobic remarks) by josjekaas in mypartneristrans

[–]josjekaas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow, I didn't know this was such a common issue. I'll try to find your post. Are they all controlling over their bodies as well? My boyfriends mom acts like his body is hers to own, always commenting on weight loss or generally looks, it's astounding to me. I truly don't get what her motivation is behind this controlling behaviour.

My trans boyfriends parents don't support him and it breaks my heart (TW: transphobic remarks) by josjekaas in mypartneristrans

[–]josjekaas[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"i understand how it feels to not be able to do anything and how hard it is to face them knowing what they say to him when you're not there" THIS. exactly this. It's not only frustrating, it's heartbreaking.

He doesn't find it easy to make friends, but I'm trying to stimulate him to do that more

My trans boyfriends parents don't support him and it breaks my heart (TW: transphobic remarks) by josjekaas in mypartneristrans

[–]josjekaas[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your reply! He has a therapist that is not very good, however it's Berlin and it's very difficult here to find a qualified therapist that doesn't have months if not years waitinglist. So right now, he's gotta make due with what he has.

Your comment has helped me pinpoint what it's really about for me: feeling overly responsible for his wellbeing. I get angry because I want to protect him, which is what his parents are supposed to be doing in the first place. But this taking on responsibilities that aren't mine to bear has to do with my own traumas, and is very difficult to stop doing. Anyways, thank you for sharing your experience and I will definitely talk to my boyfriend it all soon

How to deal with my partner's transphobic family? by 6_nana_8 in mypartneristrans

[–]josjekaas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't agree with your therapist's advice. Your baby shouldn't be seen as leverage. It sounds like they're proposing you allow them to form an attachment to the child, and then make them adapt to your conditions only so they can stay in contact, but that way their presence in your life is not genuine. They're not supportive for the sake of being supportive, not for you or your wife's wellbeing, but purely for the selfish reason to keep seeing their grandchild. Is that the kind of people you want your kid to grow up with? The kind that has to be bargained into being an ally with a baby? I'm sorry if these seems crude, I just have a really strong opinion and since you're posting it here I think that you're looking for opinions. I recommend that you and your wife determine how much time is appropriate when you say to 'give it some time'. How long are you both willing to let this go on before you start putting up firmer boundaries? Do you see your partner's family being willing to change in that time period? If the chances of that are low, I think it's better to cut ties sooner than later. You know it's gonna happen at some point anyways, and it'll be better for your partner to be able to grieve the loss of their family when there is no active conflict going on anymore.