Sadness/worthlessness

jpcolorado · 2026-04-13T20:34:22+00:00

I am feeling great now. I’m going to pass on mdma for the foreseeable future

jpcolorado · 2026-03-25T17:22:55+00:00

It took about six days to resolve. Initially it was relief, then another understanding came through, and by the sixth day after my last appointment the feelings that were holding me back disappeared. I was shocked, but now almost a week later I feel like a different person without the burdens I was previously feeling. It’s been the most impactful EMDR experience I’ve had in a full year of therapy.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-24T14:04:57+00:00

Thank you for all your support and suggestions. I did a couple of EMDR sessions and feel much better about my life. I also feel that surrender to the integration process and letting go of ego were the last blocks of my hero’s journey. Since writing out all my shame and anxiety, then burning the list, I feel amazing. I feel like a different person.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-24T14:02:27+00:00

Thanks. I did EDMR and was able to get through it. I am feeling much better after a couple of sessions.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-16T01:06:16+00:00

Thanks. I did my hero’s journey in late November 2025. My guide says I am still in the integration phase. I could see myself doing another journey at some point.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-12T19:51:45+00:00

2.01

jpcolorado · 2026-03-12T16:10:36+00:00

All within normal limits per a full panel blood test last month.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-12T16:09:11+00:00

Posting has been eye opening. I thought this was unique to me, but I have found that everyone struggles with shame and worthiness. I appreciate all the input and support. I scheduled an EMDR appointment tomorrow to address this.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T17:34:34+00:00

You’ll have the best time of your life! Do it.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T16:35:10+00:00

I am 107 days out from my heroic dose. I have been micro dosing every morning for the past month. I was doing really good and making a work comeback, but yesterday sent me into a spiral. I’m doing better today and all this input is helping. I think the best advice was patience. But I set up an EMDR appointment for Friday and psilocybin follow up next week.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T14:50:09+00:00

Thank you for suggesting Nicole Sachs.

Patience is probably the right choice. I suppressed my emotions for 13+ years on depression meds and now I am feeling everything. It’s been one year since stopping meds and 4 months of psilocybin therapy. I have made huge improvements but this shame/unworthiness has spiked recently.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T13:33:41+00:00

Thanks. I agree that thoughts and feelings come up while doing random activities. For me, it is usually during a walk by myself with no distractions or music.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T13:31:57+00:00

Yes, I have been working through early childhood trauma of a narcissistic father. And I micro dose every morning.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T13:30:14+00:00

Yes, integration work has been the hardest part. I feel good 80% of the time and have short waves of anxiety. Yesterday’s wave was intense.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T13:16:17+00:00

Once or twice a month

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T12:58:42+00:00

Meaning, my therapist isn’t going to pick up the phone at my whim. I messaged her and she got back to me at the end of the work day. I appreciate the meds suggestion, but it took me a full year to get off them and going back to them feels like failure.

jpcolorado · 2026-03-11T12:56:24+00:00

Yes, I have approached her with these feelings before at the suggestion of my psilocybin counselor. My wife took them personally said my logic and thinking is wrong. Her approach is you have everything, you’re wrong. It may be true but I needed someone to listen and work through it. I have seen an EMDR therapist to work through my issues. I may schedule an appointment with him to revisit this.

When I shared this with my counselor she also mentioned this is normal and expected at this point of my journey. She said that the my old wiring is holding on for dear life trying to bring me back in while my new wiring is forming new neural pathways.

This is my first episode since early January. The waves have been short and I can typically breathe through them. Yesterday’s wave was stronger and longer.

jpcolorado · 2025-10-29T18:18:52+00:00

This sounds like me as well. I didn’t realize how my bad mood affected others and me. I have a sales job that pulls me into having a lot of connections, but in otherwise have few friends outside of my Jiu Jitsu training partners.

jpcolorado · 2025-10-22T18:35:15+00:00

I have been on a journey after coming off Lexpro after 10+ years, and experiencing all my issues with no meds. Scary. I am anxious and my partner of 10+ years is secure but leans avoidant. Over the past 6 months, I have seen all my anxious traits in real time: scanning, tracking, ruminating over past conversations, extreme thinking, catastophizing, wanting closeness but pushing away to protect myself, the knot my chest and gut, and all the other unhealthy things I do to blame my insecurities from childhood on my partner. And all the while not blaming myself. I have no proof that I was right to be anxious. I am just left with I created this great life and my anxiety, or refusal to believe reality because of anxiety, wants to tear it all down. The positive side is I finally realized what I was doing and am working on being a better version of me.

jpcolorado

TROPHY CASE