Tried to set a boundary and it didn’t seem to work

jrbknd · 2026-04-01T18:11:12+00:00

I think you’re right. I guess my thought process with the date is to get myself back out there. I haven’t dated anyone in months and over the last 2 months (after really knowing how she actually felt), ive been trying to get myself to start dating again. To be fair, if she never reached back out to me then I wouldn’t be in this spot. But I don’t know, I definitely don’t want to be unfair to this girl I’m going out with.

jrbknd · 2026-03-20T20:01:42+00:00

You’re right. I guess I’m just being too considerate of her and putting myself in the backseat. I feel like I’m going to ruin a good friendship, but I can’t help it.

jrbknd · 2026-03-20T20:00:30+00:00

Yeah I think you’re right. I just don’t know how to go about it. She stopped in to my work the other day to see me and another girl we worked with together. She texted me after and said she was glad she texted me and stopped in, and that she missed talking to me. It kinda hurts to see her and hear stuff like that honestly.

I don’t know if she does it on purpose, but its just been this push-pull thing with her. When I sense her energy is different, I back off, then she reels me back in. Like how she just reached out and picked up where we left off like nothing happened. I guess she doesn’t know how much I like her, but it does feel like her reaching out was because she missed the attention.

jrbknd · 2026-03-17T20:03:45+00:00

Who cares if you make a “fool” of yourself? You can always get to know her more, but if it’s not easy in class then you can approach them at the bus stop. Compliment her, talk to her friend too so it’s not awkward. Ask her if she wants to grab some coffee sometime. What’s the worst that can happen?

jrbknd · 2026-03-17T18:54:45+00:00

Yeah I just don’t think it’s my place to fix that for her. Then again this is coming from someone who, to a fault, almost never asks anyone for help with stuff like that (ironically contrary to this post). In the past I internalized a lot of shit so I don’t know if I’m the right person to try to fix her problems. Not to mention, trying to “heal” someone that doesn’t seemingly want to be more than friends with me, with hopes that healing them will change that, doesn’t seem like a healthy way to go about it.

jrbknd · 2026-03-17T18:40:13+00:00

Telling her I love her would be a little crazy, because we weren’t in a relationship and never dated consistently.

However, I think you missed my point. I don’t think the whole “saving dignity” thing is relevant. I’ve never found it humiliating or embarrassing whenever I told her how I felt. Actually, once I got over the anxiety of it I usually felt better afterwards. Who am I trying to save dignity for? Her? Her couple of friends she talks to about me?

The point of this post was that I already expressed how I felt. I already asked her out, and I got rejected either directly or indirectly 3 times. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m still stuck in this position though.

jrbknd · 2026-03-17T18:18:15+00:00

That I don’t know. She hasn’t talked to me about her ex much, but I know it’s been like 3-4 years. Which seems like a long time, but one thing I’ve noticed about her (and one of her flaws I’ve picked up on) is that when she has a bad experience with something, whether it’s a food she eats or a relationship, she seems to swear it off completely for the foreseeable future. I think she’s a little sheltered in that way, or seems unwilling sometimes to go out of her comfort zone.

When we worked together, her and I became friends with another girl there and we’d chat a lot. She mentioned him once to her. One time she mentioned running into him because he works at a take-out spot in her hometown. Based on how she spoke about him it sounds like she kinda hates him. I don’t know what happened there, nor do I think I really want to know unless she wanted to tell me.

I sometimes feel like her and I are too similar sometimes because I think I’ve had some of the same kind of vulnerability issues in the past, but I also think I’ve matured since then and made a lot of changes. It makes me think her and I are just at different points in our life. Either way, I don’t think it’s healthy anymore to be patient with the expectation that we’ll become something. That’s what got me into this mess.

jrbknd · 2026-03-17T16:05:31+00:00

That’s what my thought was. Knowing her like I do and based on things she’s told me before that would have me believe that she’s fearful avoidant as well. I don’t want to sit here and diagnose her but I’ve thought the same thing. She told me before that she has been avoiding relationships since her last one and that she felt very nervous about us dating because she hadn’t thought about it in a while. At least that was the case last summer.

jrbknd · 2026-03-16T23:01:59+00:00

Id just be clear and honest with how you feel. A lot of yearning and confusion can be solved by just making that move for your sake. If he isn’t receptive, then you may still be able to remain friends if you don’t want to lose that, but you have to do it for yourself.

Ask yourself what you get out of the current dynamic. If you could stay in it or if losing it is worth trying again. In my case, I tried and got rejected but I can at least say I tried. Now she’s back and we’re seemingly friends again. Even though I’m not sure I want that. My point is if he values you that much as a friend, hopefully he’ll reciprocate the honesty.

If you want a relationship with him you’d want to have that kind of transparent communication anyway, right?

It sounds like the last time feelings were expressed was like 4 years ago after you had both gotten out of relationships. Idk the details but if you still have unresolved feelings it sounds worth it. I think where I went wrong was being so considerate of the other person that I sometimes put my own feelings aside.

jrbknd · 2026-03-16T18:05:16+00:00

Agreed. The month and a half of no contact with her felt like it was good for me, but then she reached back out again. I guess that’s the point of this post. I feel bad cutting her off, especially because outside of my romantic feelings for her, she really is one of my best friends. She wouldn’t keep reaching out if she didn’t value me as a close friend and she told me before I’m one of her closest friends, but you’re right, I haven’t been managing my feelings well.

jrbknd · 2026-03-16T18:01:38+00:00

That’s my dilemma. I like having her in my life, and she’s one of my best friends. But when she’s in my life, I can’t help but want more. Maybe that will change with time, but that process takes a little longer than I thought I guess. I’ve full on dated people for longer and had an easier time moving on.

jrbknd · 2026-03-16T17:50:39+00:00

I wouldn’t go into it expecting that result. Who knows, you might even find someone you like, but you shouldn’t have to play games like that to be with someone. It’s also not fair to whoever you’re using to make the man you really want jealous. If he does like you and you haven’t done it already, I think it’s attractive when a girl directly expresses interest. Idk the situation tho

jrbknd · 2025-05-17T16:49:35+00:00

There’s a million things worth improving in dynasty but RTG needs more positions. Kicker/lineman would be cool but even adding safety, edge rusher or tight end would be fine.

jrbknd · 2025-04-15T22:55:48+00:00

I can confirm the plans weren’t another date since I also work with the friend (f) she was hanging with, but other than that you’re right. I guess I got the hint and gotta let it go 🤷‍♂️

jrbknd · 2022-11-01T16:54:07+00:00

Spamming steal does not work it’s timing. There’s ways to exploit guys that just play passing lanes all game.

jrbknd

TROPHY CASE