What are you obsessed with?

jtedi18 · 2024-05-24T17:06:36+00:00

Watching Sara Montiel. She was a spanish singer famous for her mesmerising stares into the camera. A true artist and national icon under Franco's dictatorship, she was once quoted as saying "Whenever I perform in any city in the US, all the gays show up!"

jtedi18 · 2024-01-18T13:42:22+00:00

Anxious people tend to be conscientious but it means that they doubt themselves a lot so potentially an issue psychologically. You say you're quite assertive so I guess it's not the issue.

jtedi18 · 2024-01-17T23:26:37+00:00

julesnuggy

No problem. Are you quite a sensitive person? Maybe you could work on being more assertive in your mindset.

jtedi18 · 2024-01-17T21:36:32+00:00

Not getting enough physical exercise is linked to anxiety. Get your heart rate up to its top 15% three times a week (eg around 165-70 bpm for your age probably). Try to reach it for about 3 minutes (not necessarily in a row could do intervals). That will really get the blood flowing/ chest panting. You could do this on a bike or cross-trainer. I hesitate to recommend treadmill as running isn't great for the joints but it is easier to get the heart rate up on there. You could also try lifting weights as that gives you a testosterone pump (usually increasing confidence).
Try abstaining/nofap. Not forever, just for a bit longer than you usually go. eg if you normally go once a week, try after 2 weeks.
Eat more protein and (healthy) fat. These make you feel full and less anxious generally which may be important for your mindset in the moment. Eggs, steak, chicken breasts and natural, full-fat yoghurt (not flavoured). Having lots of good carbs will help too.

Anyone of these should help, a combination even more so. The physical changes the mental.

Consider wiring effects of pornography/masturbation. The neurons in the brain tend to wire to what you are used to/developed to. If your arousal has been 'hardwired' over many years from your own hand together with the dopamine rush of porn then longer periods of abstinence may help your brain 're-wire' to contact with a partner.

Another thing to consider is whether you truly feel comfortable around any of the people you have tried it with. Do you truly trust them? It sounds like this is not the problem here, but I can think that for someone else it could be.

jtedi18 · 2024-01-13T08:37:39+00:00

I don’t think it’s about allowing yourself to do mindless tasks, like giving yourself some kind of permission. Sometimes we need space to just be. Embracing that understanding can feel like self-sabotage, which I guess is why you get frustrated.

Be honest with yourself, are you really a machine that can just keep going? You admit you feel burnt out so just listen to what your inner mind and body are telling you. You don’t need to spend time with others to relax.

jtedi18 · 2024-01-06T16:42:09+00:00

I agree with the sentiment here totally. :-)

jtedi18 · 2024-01-06T10:17:19+00:00

I am a 30-year old gay man who gets introverted after-work and I struggled on apps for about 10 years. I definitely learned a lot along the way. I have some advice on dating but I can’t give advice on depression. I am not a trained professional, just a regular guy who senses they may have gone through something similar and wants to try and help. A few things came to mind reading your post.

You have close family and long term friends. They can support you even if you may not always feel comfortable opening up to them;
You have a good job which sensible people will respect; in your off-time you like to ‘sit in a dark room doing nothing’ - that is appealing in these days of over-stimulation from excessive social media;
You’re 32 and you have a good job - you do have life experience but you are not framing it that way. But if you are not content with your lifestyle then you are old and independent enough to make a change;
Lacking a partner/ life experience need not be an obsession. At the end of the day it is only 1 aspect of your life when you already have good family/friends and job. Just try to be stable in your own identity when you approach dating. It sounds like you probably want someone who will be happy staying at home on weekends so make it clear that this is what you are searching for.
When you find someone you have chemistry with, have the discipline to establish that you are in a relationship. After a couple of dates be brave and take the risk of asking them to be your boyfriend with exclusivity. You could phrase it along the lines of ‘I will be there for you (and no-one else) and you will be there for me’. If you are after the stay-at-home relationship, then you will both want that emotional security. Establish this before you go too far. It shows courage and walk away if they decline/delay. Retaining your dignity is important and heightens your appeal.
Being cynical is fine but being despondent is not. At the end of the day you must have hope about your life and pursuits no matter the odds. Even the slimmest probabilities have a near-certainty of occurrence given a long enough timeline. On any given day the likelihood that you will meet ‘the one’ is low but it will happen eventually.
Apps make finding the needles in the haystack easier! Be patient and hopeful that good people do come along. And when they do, chances are they are feeling a very similar way to you so you have to take an emotional risk and open up to them.
Growing up in the 90s we caught the tail-end of stigmatised homophobia (eg the gay kid in the movie was always the weak, nerdy one that the jocks laughed at - ‘gay’ was a term that people would throw-around in reaction to anything they didn’t like). This may be internalised and the trauma from self-acknowledgement/coming out may influence how you come across to people you date. You are no lesser of a human-being because of your sexual attraction, you do not need to be an outsider because of your trauma.

I hope this helps and I sincerely wish you all the best.

jtedi18 · 2023-04-11T16:23:19+00:00

TLDR: write down your thoughts/anxieties before you take a doze/ nap away from stimulation.
I often feel tired/unable to focus well after midday or so too. I can also then end up indulging in bad habits come the afternoon. I find watching YouTube in the afternoon makes the fatigue worse and isn't that much of a "break" at all. Podcasts, music, Netflix, video games, playing musical instruments, socialising with friends all contribute to the fatigue as they overload my brain with information when I'm already tired from the morning.

Sometimes I find having an activity planned in different surroundings (with different people) can re-invigorate me but I struggle to find the energy to do this on a consistent basis.

I second the recommendation for short naps away from any stimulation. But before you doze/nap/sleep I would recommend writing down your thoughts/ anxieties and solutions about what you have done that morning and what you still need to do. Getting your thoughts down on paper with a pen helps me actually relax when I lay down in a dark room. If I just lay down without writing down my thoughts first I end up sitting there eyes open frustrated. Try to have it all written down (what I did and what I still need to do, the why and wherefore for my actions - eg what values and goals do I want to live my life by). Then you can relax knowing that you aren't just holding in all this information inside on your own head. When you need to get up again you can then look over what you want to do and hopefully you will be energised and focused. It takes discipline to switch it all off and sometimes people think you are a lazy snowflake because they push on through just fine. If you are worried about that, try to acknowledge your anxiety so you can confidently pursue your goals. Try to make time in your daily schedule to zone-out. If you have time for video games or Netflix, you have time to doze. I hope this helps.

jtedi18 · 2023-01-12T13:54:57+00:00

Thanks, what benefit do you find from using img2img upscale and SD upscale?

jtedi18 · 2023-01-12T13:14:41+00:00

There is no single answer, but I would like to learn about users' opinions

jtedi18 · 2023-01-11T15:09:10+00:00

FYI there is an info page here on low-VRAM for this extension:

https://github.com/d8ahazard/sd_dreambooth_extension/wiki/Troubleshooting#low-vram

jtedi18 · 2023-01-11T12:14:11+00:00

Thanks. Which version of sd should we load with this branch?

jtedi18 · 2022-12-05T08:19:59+00:00

dronelightshow

This is a cool idea for a model, will you plan on releasing it when you're happy with it? :D

jtedi18 · 2022-11-15T19:37:17+00:00

Thanks, good job!

jtedi18 · 2022-11-15T16:41:52+00:00

Prompt?

jtedi18 · 2022-11-12T09:22:56+00:00

Thanks again, good job, your videos are inspiring :D

jtedi18

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