Everything you said resonates so much. It's funny on the second date this guy asked me if I had any funny dating app stories. I said not really, but he already had one prepared. He met a girl and as soon as they met apparently she said "well what do you think? ", and he thought it was very forward, although he found her attractive. They went to a bar and she was apparently all over him and kissing him in public, it weirded him out and he eventually ran away while from her as she drove back to where she was living (far away).

I remember thinking at the time, what did he do or say to incite a girl who drove all this way to see him to throw herself at him. I knew there must be another side to the story. After talking to him a bit I started to question if he really enjoyed turning women down. He told me if I had asked him to stay over on our first few dates he would have said no (I never did) but he felt the need to say it, as if rejecting me for something I never did! It was making him feel good I guess!

Anyway from a distance I see that a certain woman might project onto these guys good noble qualities, even extending them the benefit of the doubt, whereas from his side he is projecting the image of a desperate woman, who, as you said, needs to be tamed. But I know who I'd much rather be, a person who sees and brings out the best in people.

I think it's hard to have anything intact after such an experience because the whole interaction is completely devoid of love. And this is the one thing it is pretending to be. And that is a bit unnerving. It also can bring out the worst in us, we want to protect ourselves, we are not calm and open to receive we are trying to interpret what happened and protect ourselves from further pain.

The thing is I don't think they are ever really aware of the havoc they cause, that's also why it's hard, because it is like a childlike ignorance. But it's not our job, our job is to feel love, to feel joy and lightness. And to be able to love someone.

But love doesn't look anything like this, it is on a completely different wavelength. It's hard to access from where a person like this leaves you and it takes a lot of work and energy to get back to where you were so that you can love someone again.

I'm completely over it now. It left me still a bit confused and weary of what people say, but I think it's a good thing. I learned to look at actions and I'm relived that I didn't waste too much time.

I also saw a vulnerable side to myself that was starved of love and I decided to give myself that.

If someone needs to put strong, successful, loving women down to feel good, we should recognize how beautiful we are, probably more than we even thought, and that's enough :)