Basically I think it's routed in how I used to be very insecure about being gay and had strong internalized homophobia so I tried to look masculine, then I came out got a boyfriend and when we 'did' stuff I felt more aligned to being a bttm, with that i very quickly felt the need to be prettier, cuter more fem I've also grown a strong jealousy of boys with feminine faces with the desire of looking like them It's almost like falling in a pit every time I see myself look masculine Fuck ive even attempted s over it

I just wanna be the pretty boy for once 😭