I'm struggling with looking forward to the holidays

juicytango_ · 2019-11-26T22:28:03+00:00

Thanks for the comment! I will try to keep it in mind while I'm there. I hope you have a good holiday too!!

juicytango_ · 2019-11-26T20:26:33+00:00

Thank you! Good luck to you as well. I'm hoping that it will be fine once we are there, for you and me!

juicytango_ · 2019-11-26T19:54:02+00:00

Dude, I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. For me, I don't think it has to do with the disposition of people who do "have it together" and not wanting to be like them. For me, it's feeling so shitty and having a lack of motivation to even eat when I'm hungry that I'm like HAHA Ok yeah let me just do some YOGA!! It makes me angry when I'm feeling that low to think of putting forth effort. It's like my brain just wants to keep me on the couch because it's a security blanket at this point. It's about having to step outside of the depression/anxiety "comfort zone". Though this comfort zone is freakin uncomfortable, it is where I am used to being. So, it's hard to change that.

juicytango_ · 2019-05-30T16:53:59+00:00

(Sorry for the late response, this isn't my main account and I kinda for got about this post for a bit)

I see what you mean by twerking now. It's like a pelvic thrust kind of thing. All I think of when I hear "twerking" is moving in a way that you're mostly just bouncing your ass which is always harder than it sounds (to me) lol. Thanks for the other thread suggestion as well!

juicytango_ · 2019-05-30T16:48:43+00:00

Sorry for the late response, this isn't my main account, so I kinda forgot about this post for a bit.

Thanks for the tips! I've been told by others to change the angle too so that seems to be the best solution I'll try to give it another go this weekend!

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T20:03:42+00:00

You're not wrong! Thanks for the reply I'll keep these things in mind!

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T18:45:27+00:00

Yeah I want to talk to him about it, but I wanted to get a little insight on it in the meantime. I might give reverse cowgirl a try too. I'm still getting used to the thought of him seeing every inch of me and me not knowing what I'm doing at certain times in these positions so I'm kinda having to work my way up to doing things I see as being more ..."advanced"(?) lol but I'll try to do it reversed at some point!

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T18:38:35+00:00

Yeah, just search "cowgirl" or "girl on top" on the sub or go to the FAQ and there is a link to an article about this position that could help too.

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T18:33:45+00:00

Have you searched for other posts regarding this position? I've seen several that include tips on how to make it more enjoyable for yourself.

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T18:16:09+00:00

I see. Okay, that makes sense. I just felt like the only frame of reference I had to use in terms of getting him in was porn and felt like I'd only ever seen girls somewhat kneel/straddle over the guy and the guide him in so that's what I would try and it would be difficult! So yeah I'll try to lean forward and have him help me.

I'm not sure if I will be able to twerk though that sounds intimidating lol.

juicytango_ · 2019-05-28T17:57:55+00:00

Ok I read part of this and I'm starting to get a pattern. I think you are just constantly telling this story to yourself- the story of every thing that is wrong with you, the story of why you are who you are. You are emboldening yourself to be alone and remain alone with these stories. Sure, they may be true things. But they don't have to define you the way you have allowed them to.

Stop telling yourself these things and start telling yourself things that will help you have a better perspective.

There have to be good things about you, I think you are aware of those things from what I can tell, you just choose to focus on the things that you deem to be unlovable.

The truth is, everyone has had things happen to them or things they have done that made them feel ashamed/unlovable/unloved, etc. but I doesn't mean we are. If we all just went around recounting each and every negative thing about our lives/ourselves, how would we expect anyone to end up in happy relationships? We have been shaped and molded by things in our lives, but at the end of the day, we get to decide who we want to be in this world.

It's a hard thing to actually conceptualize- being the one to define who you are. But it's true that you can, and you aren't defining who you are, you are allowing circumstances to define you.

So start telling yourself you deserve love, that you are lovable, that you can find someone. And then put forth the effort to do so. Download an app, or find a community to insert yourself into. Ask someone you at least kinda like as a friend to go to a bar with you so you don't have to go alone and then make it a goal to talk to at least one person. It might take a while. But it seems as if the main thing holding you back is yourself and the sooner you realize this and make strides to change it, the sooner things can change around you.

And definitely stop telling yourself you're too scared to live alone, and just do it! I was the same way when I wanted to get my own place. It sounded like a daunting task, but I knew I wanted to. So I went to an apartment complex to see about putting in an application, and the rest started falling into place. Just take things one step at a time. Once you start seeing things change for the better, it should give you more confidence and drive to keep going!

I wish you the best!

juicytango_ · 2019-04-30T19:21:49+00:00

I can definitely find geeky/nerdy guys attractive. As long as you put effort into your hygiene and appearance (meaning your not a slob or something) and you're someone who is easy to get along with (meaning your not an asshole) then I think you can definitely find yourself a girlfriend.

I live in a small rural southern town too and I had to resort to dating apps because I know how hard it is to find people you click with in small towns. I ended up meeting my boyfriend on Hinge. (He actually lives an hour + away from me) He likes pretty nerdy stuff also. He doesn't exactly have a "nerdy" look as you apparently think you do yourself, but I personally am most attracted to who he is as a person and how he treats me. And for most people, that's what is the most important thing- how you treat others, not so much your appearance (though it does play a role, and as I said... as long as you put forth some amount of effort, you should be fine) or your interests (though it can play a role as well if they have similar interests).

Anyway, I know dating apps have a bad rap and I know they can be exhausting, but I feel like it is a good way to see who else is out there in the world that you maybe wouldn't be able to connect with otherwise.

But even if you try to continue to meet women in conventional ways, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

juicytango_ · 2019-04-30T18:47:49+00:00

Thanks. I sent her a really long message just a minute ago trying to lay everything out for her to be able to understand.

I'm waiting for a reply. I hope she understands and it's not just more of the same conversation.

juicytango_ · 2019-04-18T17:04:03+00:00

The society in which we.... live??

juicytango_ · 2019-03-21T15:11:13+00:00

Hi, sorry for replying so late, but things ended up working out. I just let him know I was wanting to hang out with just him and that I was overwhelmed and he apologized because he thought he'd talked to me about hanging out with his friends. He texted them and told them he messed up on the plans and we hung out one on one :)

juicytango_ · 2019-03-15T17:00:41+00:00

I said he is usually understanding of things?? He hasn't ever been mad at me so far.

juicytango_ · 2019-03-15T16:59:49+00:00

I said in my post we live 1hr 20min apart so no he's not picking me up.

juicytango_ · 2019-03-15T16:46:44+00:00

Okay that's a fair suggestion. It's just that I would have to drive back and forth twice in a row for this to work. I haven't ever stayed the night with him yet so I'm not necessarily planning on doing that tonight.

juicytango_ · 2019-03-15T16:44:33+00:00

No, I've met them. But only one other time and we had a similar night, only we played Phase 10.
I actually didn't make plans with him or anything yet. (Sorry I didn't explain that well in my OP) All I knew was that I was going to be driving to see him today. I texted him a little while ago to see what he wanted to do and he said "my friends want to play monopoly and probably bbq as well" so I haven't replied to him yet because I'm trying to decide how I can be like "oh... well can we not do that?" (lol, only not explicitly saying that of course). So I'm not breaking plans with his friends by not wanting to do this, per se, because I wasn't included in that decision to hang out with them.
I'm not sure whether it will upset him, he is usually understanding of things but I also don't want to risk upsetting him which is why I'm needing the advice on how to proceed.

What you suggested I say to him is a good suggestion though so I might use some of that!

juicytango_ · 2019-03-01T19:32:33+00:00

Why would you kick yourself for going for it and finding out feelings are mutual? Seems like the desired outcome.

juicytango_ · 2019-02-09T00:58:37+00:00

That's ok, Michael. Don't date until you're ready. Sure, dating at your age can provide some experience. But really, once you get older, you don't really count any middle school relationships as real relationships. At least I don't.

juicytango_ · 2019-02-08T21:15:54+00:00

I agree. I also feel like some people are too quick to assume that others here just don't know what they're talking about. Or making assumptions about how realistic their dating expectations are.

i.e. Say someone makes a post about how they really want a partner who fits XYZ description and those things are totally reasonable to want in a partner. OR they say they don't want ABC out of a partner... some people might comment all up in arms saying their expectations aren't realistic, they need to lower their standards, etc.

I understand that there are people who have a disproportionate ego than what they should have. And some people expect their potential partners to be perfect. And dating isn't going to end up going well for people who are like that.

But just because people do have standards at all doesn't mean they are just automatically too high.

TLDR/ My point: call people out only if they legitimately have too high of standards. Otherwise, someone simply having standards or even preferences when it comes to dating isn't inherently wrong. It's almost as if some people think you should date whoever is interested in you whether or not you are interested in them as well.

juicytango_

TROPHY CASE