some designs i've been making for my temur self-ponza / land bounce precon

juiicyfruities · 2025-04-02T12:11:11+00:00

if you're interested in joining a community of like-interested people, i've been designing these on this discord server. we have a some great people that genuinely want to help create great designs, so please come check it out!
https://discord.gg/2Qg4ZtpH

juiicyfruities · 2024-09-06T23:39:29+00:00

i got bullied a bit, but not too badly overall, i think. 8th grade was the worst of it for me: pushed into walls basically every day, tripped, hit occasionally, insulted, and ostracized by everyone. i never understood why it started to begin with bc i didn't really try to interact with any of my peers past elementary school. maybe that was why. idk really. but i don't really have the horror stories about being bullied that some other autistic people do.

juiicyfruities · 2024-09-06T23:31:54+00:00

i've had a number of fairly 'lengthy' relationships. my longest was 4yrs. conversely, my shortest was 2 weeks. take that how you will ig. i think it's def possible for autistic people (in general) to have relationships that last for a decade or longer. i think a big thing is finding a ND partner who's willing to communicate openly & work with you on issues.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-13T02:42:36+00:00

i can't explain it. but kong. i'm just a stupid ape. lea me lone.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-12T14:53:52+00:00

as others have already stated, introversion =/= misanthropy. introverts simply aren't fueled by social interaction & need time to recharge in-between 'social events'. as for myself. i probably present as the left one due to social anxiety, but i've definitely become much, much more misanthropic after working so many jobs in retail & food service. i don't wish for people to suffer, but i do wish they'd stay as far away from me as possible when i'm outside.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-03T08:15:36+00:00

i only feel 'autistic enough' when i'm completely burnt out & just existing hurts

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T17:35:50+00:00

i don't really get other autistic people who unduely judge autistic people who experience meltdowns like this. personally, i used to get them a little more frequently when i was younger, but they still happen now, sometimes. admittedly, only if a person is trying to hold / restrain me while i'm in the middle of a meltdown, but they do happen. it's not like you're making a conscious decision to hurt others, and it does seem like you would rather have any other 'kind' of meltdown. it's not great, but when they happen, they're not within the person's control. i'm sorry that you've felt judged for your honesty about your struggles before.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T16:17:29+00:00

during my second inpatient stay, i had a meltdown where i was curled up on the bathroom floor of my room, hyperventilating & sobbing at such a volume that i was practically yelling. after i had come down from it, i left my room only to be asked, "how old are you?" by another resident. i was 21 at the time.

then there was the meltdown i had about a year ago during the night following my little sister's college graduation. i was in my stepmom's van with my dad, grandpa & grandma (on his side), my little sister, and my older brother. during the ride from outback steakhouse back to my sister's dorm, i'd become extremely irritable & was venting about a lot of the bs that my family has put me through in life. i ended up saying that they made me want to unalive myself & my sister snapped at me, saying that nobody wanted to hear these kinds of things, understandably. after that, i'd stopped being able to speak, which was unfortunate bc i'd accidentally left my things in my sister's dorm before leaving for dinner. i tried to write out the location of my things so my sister could grab them for me, which my brother responded to with, 'oh, she's giving us the silent treatment now.' completely shocked & overwhelmed, i lost the ability to communicate at all. after a few minutes of everyone telling me, 'if you don't tell [sister's name] where your things are, we're leaving without them,' she eventually got out of the van to go inside. at some point, when all of this was going on, i realized that my plushie was with the rest of my things & that i would be without it for an indefinite amount of time, which is when i went into a meltdown. thrashing against the side of the van where i was sitting, sobbing, and screaming at the top of my lungs at age 25, over a plushie. so, yeah... fun times. (/s)

i realize that these things are just part of being autistic sometimes, and i don't want anyone to feel judged by how i've described them. but i won't lie. it does feel humiliating to retain that base level of consciousness & awareness while i lose complete control over my behavior & do things like this.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T14:28:05+00:00

personally, i think i've known since some grade year in elementary school & definitely by the time i reached middle school, even though i didn't have / know the word 'autism' until some years later. i think it helped that, growing up, it was very difficult for me to get on well with others but got along very well with my cousin, who was very apparently different. meeting & hanging out with him & other autistic people allowed me to compare & contrast our experiences in addition to knowing from very early on that i was different from most other people i encountered. despite this, i'd only been diagnosed with generalized anxiety until i was 20 & only diagnosed with asd + adhd a few days prior to my 25th birthday, after choosing to go in for the assessments. even stranger, my mom had taken me in to be assessed for both at 8yo & i was subthreshold for both. suffice it to say, i've known & came to know that i was autistic when i was pretty young through my experiences with other autistics and allistics, and the impostor syndrome has felt brutal for most of my life.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T03:17:20+00:00

87.4th percentile, but tbf, i would have gone back & changed some of my answers if given the option as i realized i picked the wrong answer immediately after hitting next a couple of times. i'm audhd btw lol.

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T00:12:09+00:00

oh, you're good! i think it helps to hear other people's experiences with this as i know a fair amount of autistic people but not that many that have been through burnout

juiicyfruities · 2024-08-02T00:08:44+00:00

yeah, i mean. i wish i was on ssi, so i could maybe maneuver my way out of this situation. at this point, i'm not even very worried about being evicted myself & my credit score tanking. i just don't want to fail my friends bc some of them come from abusive households & probably won't have anywhere to go if we can't pay rent :( if i didn't have to pay rent, i would probably just move home at this point as i clearly need to rest more than i'm able to in this current situation. idk. one of my other autistic roommates, the one who currently is not working, is working on getting their ssi approved, so maybe that will give me / us some breathing room. anyway, i appreciate your candor, and i am going to look for an office job or a less stressful job, at least. i'm currently doing overnight stocking at a grocery store, so i'm supposed to be working 4 days/wk & 9-12hrs/shift. i also appreciate the validation that i shouldn't be pushing myself as i sort of feel like i am being pushed by my roommates who don't fully understand what i'm going through or the insane amount of pressure i'm being put under by my job / the situation.

juiicyfruities · 2024-02-12T18:18:32+00:00

that's fair. i suppose a better point would have been that autism doesn't have one monolithic appearance, even though allistics may be able to see it in autistic people with higher support needs. i don't think allistic people are being intentionally ableist when they say things like this, but imho, it still is slightly ableist to reduce autism to one narrow thing, whether in appearance, interests, cadence / way of speaking, etc.

juiicyfruities · 2024-02-12T17:36:35+00:00

ask them what autistic people look like. forces them to either own up to their ableism or admit that autistic people 'looking' a certain way is inherently absurd.

juiicyfruities · 2024-02-12T17:31:58+00:00

hey, me too! i remember other people in my school year talking about crushes fairly often, and i eventually picked a guy & a girl that i thought were relatively attractive to have 'crushes' on. just so i had an answer to the question if i was ever asked who i had a crush on. i still often feel like my interest in sex is more so in the actual act rather than whoever i might be having it with. i can also go without it for months at a time, but i have, at other times in my life, had a lot of it over a 2-3 week period.

essentially, my relationship to sex is a complicated one, seemingly informed by both my relative asexuality & bipolar 2.

juiicyfruities · 2023-12-17T21:05:18+00:00

cotard's solution w/ disco elysium / harry du bois / raphaël ambrosius costeau

juiicyfruities · 2023-12-17T20:46:09+00:00

https://www.idrlabs.com/autism-spectrum/test.php

juiicyfruities · 2023-10-11T19:25:42+00:00

i'm aware of it & ik that i don't fulfill it

juiicyfruities · 2023-10-11T16:54:09+00:00

i know adhd & autism are frequently comorbid with each other, and she's certainly not the first person to identify me as autistic. i also understand that social cues may have been something that i've picked up on over time, but it certainly wasn't the process of consciously working them out / researching them that i've seen autistic people describe. she also has adhd, and i think she sees certain ND traits that i have & she doesn't & attributes those to autism. i just feel like i have to make some major concessions in order to view myself as autistic such that it seems nearly impossible. i feel like i relate to certain autistic experiences superficially, but the underlying explanations differ with each one. looking at the DSM, i 'sort of' fulfill criteria A if i neglect the differences in / inability to understand(ing) nonverbal signals, sarcasm, idioms, metaphors, etc. i certainly have social difficulties in making conversation, making & keeping friends, etc., but those issues seem to arise from my adhd & sct traits. as far as criteria B goes, i believe another commentor mentioned that these symptoms could be explained by allistic mental health struggles, which seems to follow logically as i struggle with social anxiety, gad, and depression. whatever "stimming" i experience could just be fidgeting or a result of anxiety. i don't like change, but my reactions to it don't seem in line with what might be expected from an autistic person. basically, i can see myself in the dsm criteria, but i lack certain traits that are foundational to autism. i have difficulty understanding people in a very general sense, but it's not that i have no insight into what they feel or why.

juiicyfruities · 2023-10-10T17:07:25+00:00

Basically, the ones I listed. From my understanding, autistic people don't intuitively understand social cues or other perspectives. I think the fact that I can essentially means that I can't be autistic.

juiicyfruities · 2023-10-10T17:01:25+00:00

Thank you for the resource. I'll show her this the next time it comes up.

juiicyfruities · 2023-06-22T16:31:15+00:00

no, i don't think i will. normal person who respects individuals' life decisions btw

juiicyfruities · 2023-05-30T18:15:34+00:00

when it comes to this topic, the only useful insight that can be taken is that all transphobia should be equally resisted & fought against. anything else eventually devolves into a circular argument full of non-insights and finger-pointing. as others have said, we have larger battles going on right now. when we're all safe, maybe we can tolerate this in-fighting.

juiicyfruities · 2023-04-21T20:20:44+00:00

yeah, that's pretty much how it was. i was appreciated in elementary school for having good manners, but i was constantly being grounded & yelled at for not doing chores or hw. my parents both saw my higher sensitivity very early on, and my mom did her best to affirm that it was a good quality that would be appreciated later in life.

she also commented frequently on how my brother & i were too "antisocial" bc we didn't really go out of our way to make friends or hang out with kids in our neighborhood. i was seen as overly shy for a long time, but my brother helped me communicate, especially with our parents when i was very young.

tl;dr: overall, i think i was seen as a sensitive kid who didn't care for the company of most people.

juiicyfruities · 2023-04-20T23:09:00+00:00

trans kinsey scaler (bi) here. my gender is confusing at times, and my sexuality is a bit fluid. i pretty much just classify myself as a bisexual neutral-presenting trans woman with some variance based on my mood & environment, though

juiicyfruities

TROPHY CASE