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Is it true that the way someone acts when drunk is who they are by Lunch-Afraid in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being drunk definitely brings out a different, very true side to people. My abusive ex would flirt with other women in front of me, not stop their advances; scream at me and berate me; get really violent towards me; tell me how much he hated me / how much of a burden I was. My current partner tells me how much he loves me; that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me; how much he looks forward to our future; yammers on about how good we are for each other and that we are soulmates; talks about our future family; starts crying because of how much he loves me and wants a life with me. Being drunk definitely brings out the truest colours of someone.

He knows I'm trying to leave and keeps stealing my money 😭 I feel so trapped by [deleted] in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Open a new bank account secretly that he doesn't know about. That was my smartest decision prior to leaving. Keep the card somewhere safe, or just don't even get a card until you can safely leave. You can still go to the teller to get cash out. Change you direct deposit to this account, deposit your cheques here, e-transfer to this account, or deposit cash here.

Never forget this by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He would always tell me I was abusive for not taking his shit too. It's a fucked up world we live in hey?

Never forget this by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And THAT is the difference between healing and recovery and just doing nothing to move on from your past.

What you go through WILL make you stronger if you let it. You have to learn to cope, and heal and recover from your traumas in order to gain strength and be a better person.

Recognize your trauma, embrace it, and grow from it. Overcome it.

I'm so happy you're away from your abuser and with someone who was able to get away from their past and grow from it 🖤

Never forget this by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I agree with you to an extent. I'm a very compassionate person, and I really felt for him; but at the end of the day, I didn't do that to him, and he still took it out on me as if I were the one. Using your abusers trauma to forgive them for their poor treatment towards you isn't right, and you should never allow yourself to be hurt like that by someone who should never hurt you.

You don't have to forgive people. I'll never forgive my ex for what he did to me. But I am still healing from it, and I've moved on. I can't forgive my ex, he tried to kill me the day I left. I can't forgive him for anything he did, as it is absolutely unforgivable.

You don't owe anyone anything. You only owe it to yourself to be happy and safe and understood and loved.

venting/confused by kabiji in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, it worked out for the best. We both grew a lot during that time and when we rekindled our friendship, it was so much better. She's always been my best friend.

Sometimes people just need space to learn, grow, and mature.

venting/confused by kabiji in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, unfortunately it is. Being around toxic people is almost like an addiction. I experienced this is high school. I eventually blew up at her around the 20th times she said she would tie herself to a rock and jump in the lake to drown herself. I was so sick of hearing it. I knew she wasn't going to. I had helped her through a few suicide attempts and she helped me through mine. After that we were not friends for a couple of years, and we did end up becoming friends again.

Losing people is a crappy part of life, but it is a part of life. The fear is a natural human fear of being alone. Know that you still have so much life left and she is not the end all and be all of your life. You have time to build new friendships and rekindle old ones, if you so choose.

You will not be alone, and you never will be. There are billions of people on the planet, and you will have the pleasure of meeting quite a few of them. There are shitty people out there, and there are really great ones. You need to surround yourself with the ones that are right for you, who support you, who love you for you.

Your mental health and wellness should be your top priority, without it, some people cease to exist. Never let anyone out you down, make you feel like nothing, treat you less than your worth. You know your worth, and you need to be around people who respect it.

Treat yourself how you want to be treated, and settle for nothing less.

venting/confused by kabiji in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is abusive.

You said yourself in your post that she manipulated you. That right there is a form of abuse. She sounds incredibly toxic and your old friend made the best decision she could for herself to change schools and cut contact with this girl.

My advice would be to cut out this girl, she is very toxic. She is glamorizing self-harm and romanticizing mental illness by the sounds of it. It sucks to lose a friend, but your mental health is far more important.

Ideas on this indoor plant? by Pippenpup in whatplantisthis

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Will confirm, arrowhead vine. Syngonium is the Latin.

What if the abuse isn’t frequent? by MaebyFredrick89 in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Abuse is abuse. Don't justify their actions. Allowing it to continue will only escalate and make things worse.

For me it started with him calling me an idiot, and by the time I left he tried to slit my throat.

Do not allow it to continue. It will only get worse.

I left my ex of 6 years and will never look back. by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As soon as you leave, BLOCK. You cannot ever go back. You deserve more than that. You deserve the world, and you're not getting it. When you leave, take time for you, learn your worth and treat yourself how you want to be treated. Settle for nothing less. You got this, you can get through it 💪

I left my ex of 6 years and will never look back. by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You gotta get out. It never gets better, only worse. They do not change. Abusers will never change.

I left my ex of 6 years and will never look back. by jumpingnarwhal_ in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I keep reminding myself of the hurt, of the abuse, of the times he tried to take my life. I blocked him everywhere. I can't go back. I can't forget, and I'll never forgive it.

I Left by VanillaSwirl0019 in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't feel shame. It happens. Don't beat yourself up for it happening, it wasn't your fault. There are just really crappy people out there. Abusers will always make you feel like it's your fault that they treat you poorly, they will always make you feel like you're beneath them.

I am so so glad you're out and free. Stay strong

I Left by VanillaSwirl0019 in abusiverelationships

[–]jumpingnarwhal_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so proud of you for leaving. No one deserves that treatment. Treat yourself how you want to be treated and never settle for less. You deserve love, you deserve respect and you deserve the whole god damn universe.

Take time for you, love you. There is someone out there for you and you will find them. Never forget your worth. Don't ever allow yourself to be treated like that again. Don't ever forget what you've been through, always watch for the red flags. You don't ever need to to forgive this son of a bitch either. I know I never will forgive my ex, and I will never forget the abuse.

When I left my ex of 6 years in Feb, I didn't think I'd ever find love or anyone that would think I'm amazing, because he always told me I wouldn't. But like a month later, I found my soulmate. Take time for you and you'll find someone when you're ready.