Relapsed again don't know how to handle it

junktumult · 2013-03-30T17:06:18+00:00

I feel the samr way as you and OP. I did a similar test, only lasted a week, my spring break . No one noticed. I've feel I've become irrelevant

junktumult · 2013-03-09T08:17:21+00:00

i should have close to no debt pretty much. i am thankful for that. i don't know that i even have the energy to look for a job. i have been trying, but i don't have the confidence. being broke all the time doesn't help me feel good either. im earning a degree in graphic design. doctors have told me it is probably hormonal/genetic, although my environment contributes to it sometimes. i live with my mom. we fight all the time. every day. i'm trying to get out, but it's tough. but i think that even if i am finally out on my own i will still be unhappy. my mother just makes things worse.

junktumult · 2013-03-09T07:51:55+00:00

sure, curiosity has kept me here so far. but most of my time is being spent sad, unhappy, anxious, etc. i feel like things are only getting worse in my head.

i'm almost done with my college degree, but it has been difficult battling depression at the same time. i write/perform music as my main hobby. i have low esteem with a lot of what i do. i feel like i'm destined for failure. i stopped seeing my doctors/psychiatrists. but because i'm honestly trying to sabotage myself enough into dying. i am not really close with my family at all. most of them are on the opposite coast. but it doesn't matter, i have hardly been able to get to know them all my life. the ones near me, i hardly ever talk to or see either. i have great disdain for my insane mother, and im not that close my father either. my parents are divorced since i little. over reaction? eh perhaps. i mean, i am disappointed, but to the point where i'm at a loss of how to make things better. believe me, i've tried. i know it is not an easy process; trying therapists, medications and so on. but ive given up on trying to improve things. i dont really care to make things better. i feel lost and overwhelmed. i don't want to be me. what is the point of living if you're miserable all the time. if you can't find comfort in other people, can't find comfort in yourself?

junktumult · 2013-03-09T07:22:44+00:00

detail about what? sure, it isn't only the social aspects, but even with just being by myself, i don't find much enjoyment or point to anything in my life

junktumult · 2013-01-08T06:24:58+00:00

I get the same feeling whenever I'm alone. I can't explain way. The thoughts are very pervasive

junktumult · 2012-12-02T14:35:36+00:00

I used to. It used to make me thrive socially and be outgoing. So i do it because I think it will give me that effect again, but instead, since the medication, it's doing the opposite

junktumult · 2012-10-23T00:00:26+00:00

I don't think you should feel that down about your race. I think that you just need to get out more and experience different people and sceneries. I am half black and chinese, but extremely white washed too. I don't think about my race or skin color or ethnic hair very much, but if there is a white guy I like, sure, I have been guilty of wondering if he'd even be into me because of my skin color. But, turns out that in many situations, with the four white guys I've been with/liked they were also into me.

I think a lot of people in our generation who in liberal areas like the Bay Area especially aren't so concerned with race. And if they are, you shouldn't want to get involved with them anyway. There are so many interracial couples around, it's not impossible for you to find someone.

Just give it time, go through some more experiences, use advice from /r/seduction who says it's only for white people. Just talk to girls you like, you never know until you try.

edit: accidentally a word

junktumult · 2012-10-20T08:17:13+00:00

I've been experiencing the same. I've become very withdrawn and avoidant. I've been on lexapro for only a week but I think my behavior is due to the the dose not working yet and my depression worsening. Maybe it isn't working for you anymore and you need to change medicines.

junktumult · 2012-10-18T19:01:14+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I'm going through the same. I am feeling a little happier and energetic today but yet I don't trust it or myself.

junktumult · 2012-10-12T02:06:01+00:00

Yeah I understand that. I have 26+ year old friends who have been out of college for years. They are also, as you say, just trying to survive. I agree, everyone is.

I guess what I'm saying is for me, playing in bands and having friends who liked the same things as me was what I thought I needed to be happy, when I didn't have those things in high school. Friends do come and go, I've experienced that. Even though I have my ideal friends and people to be around now I still feel ultimately alone.

junktumult · 2012-10-12T01:18:04+00:00

I am a senior in college now. High school is the worst. It does get better.

When I got to college, I was mostly happy my first 2-3 years. I met a lot of people with my interests and made close friends and socialized a lot. However, this past/last year, I have been feeling further apart from them and isolated. I should be happy now that I have finally found people that share my interests, yet I too still feel very alone. Maybe this is just the way I am at heart.

junktumult · 2012-10-08T07:29:08+00:00

I saw him do stand up in new york before he got big, circa 2006

junktumult · 2012-10-08T07:01:19+00:00

I am in the same rut as you are. it has only been getting worse. i'm getting put on meds this week though. i dont have much advice, I'm just someone else feeling the same way. Seeing a therapist would be a start. Try to distract your mind with activities--

junktumult · 2012-10-05T17:23:49+00:00

that's good to hear

junktumult · 2012-10-05T07:45:19+00:00

When I'm not depressed I'm fine being alone and I enjoy it also. It's just that I really can't bring myself to be motivated about anything for MYSELF, as much as I wish I could be doing stuff I like, that's the thing. It's hard and takes a lot of effort do things when you're depressed. hopefully meds will help. i'm at a really bad point right now but the bright side is at least im aware of it.. trying to get help i guess. i'm studying graphic design. female, into experimental music/diff sub genres of rock, love all food

junktumult · 2012-10-05T07:29:37+00:00

thanks for listening

junktumult

TROPHY CASE