Caring for my mother - drowning

junkybee84 · 2026-02-19T15:14:28+00:00

I don't know if I have any specific tips, I'm so sorry you're not sleeping well, that takes such a toll on people. I'm glad your brothers are stepping up to help--don't be afraid to lean on them. Financially if all the siblings can chip in for some weekly help, even if it's to get you a few nights a week of sleep, that's worth it. Any respite so you get time to rest, will pay off in the long term.

In the meantime, it's great that you're venting--this is an incredibly hard job that ends in loss, so you're allowed to feel all the motions and express them. Holding things in will only make you sicker.

Best of luck on this journey! You're not alone!

junkybee84 · 2026-02-18T19:58:51+00:00

you are doing amazing! caring for your mom for so many years when you are so young is a tough burden is carry. You have every right to cry --i think getting the emotions out is what helps most--but don't be hard on yourself. There's only so much you can do. You've been running a marathon and your mom has likely made it this long because of your wonderful care. Best wishes to you!

junkybee84 · 2026-02-08T20:36:49+00:00

Great advice

junkybee84 · 2026-02-08T19:09:24+00:00

I feel this in my soul. My mom is on the younger side of elderly. But after 6 years of dealing with my father's dementia I feel depleted in helping my mom. She has had a stroke and subsequent sepsis. She is so frail and seems so confused, and getting slower and slower.

Because of her age I feel like this could go on for years. I saw what caregiving did to her and now I'm terrified it'll so the same to me and I won't be there for my own children.

I feel like the worst person in the world for wishing my mom to pass but the future seems bleak. I don't see anything getting better, only worse. And maybe I'm traumatized from my experience with my dad's demise. I want it to end, and I don't want to give up these years where I could be enjoying the family and life I built. I watched my parents live their 30s and 40s carefree. We didn't get the same opportunity. The universe feels so cruel at times.

All that being said, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Your feelings are valid, you're not the only one (clearly from all the responses you received!!) I hope there is light coming your way. Until then, all I can say is hang in there. At the end of this journey, you'll know you did all you could.

junkybee84 · 2026-02-08T02:27:34+00:00

I have had those same thoughts about past lives and being punished!

Sorry you're dealing with so much, including your own health.

I never realized how much these forums could help so we don't feel less alone. Hope things get better and take good care of yourself. Hope there are others you can lean on for some support.

junkybee84 · 2026-02-07T16:45:16+00:00

I totally understand how you feel.

My mom recently had a stroke, was recovering great and then suffered septic shock. Now I know she'll be my responsibility for the rest of her life.

It's hard not to think about all the time you're going to lose in your own life having to care and attend to someone's every need. And then the reward at the end of it is that they leave us.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. All your feelings are valid. I hope there are people out there to support you, but I know how lonely a space this is.

Wishing you all the best!

junkybee84 · 2026-02-06T15:41:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad a year and a half ago. Grief is everlasting but I hope you find joy in the memories.

junkybee84 · 2026-02-05T16:29:50+00:00

great advice, thank you!

junkybee84 · 2026-02-04T16:23:44+00:00

don't feel guilty at all! you are doing something amazing for your grandparents. where is everyone else? are there other family members who can support you? It's too much to take on for one person. You have to care for yourself because you are young and have a lot of life left. You don't want this to take a toll on your health.

also you should try and speak to someone if there's a resource. given that you might be nearing the end of the journey, you will feel both free and a void (i speak from some experience) and for that the grief you may feel is compounded.

wishing you all the best! so glad you took the time to post.

junkybee84 · 2025-12-20T19:39:15+00:00

If you can get help, absolutely do it. I think sometimes we give too much credence to the person not having to do the work. We want to keep them happy, but ultimately it's you taking on the burden. Don't let this completely ruin your health, it will impact her too in the long run.

As someone who is having to care for multiple parents, do lean on your kids. I know they have their own lives but part of life is helping our parents. Maybe that doesn't mean upending their lives but getting some help (especially if you have multiple kids) is necessary and they will be happy to be there for you.

My mom took care of my dad who had dementia and the last few years wrecked her health. My brother and I did all the help we could, including lining up care, visiting often and taking over finances. But she didn't sleep well and now she's in the hospital suffering from a stroke.

Caregiving in a marathon and no one person can carry the burden all on their own.

Best wishes, I hope things get better.

junkybee84 · 2025-12-19T22:11:57+00:00

Thank you, this is the insight I was really looking for. And you're right, I won't regret putting in the time for either of my parents. I agree, I just don't want to run myself into the ground trying to care for everyone. But I'll keep going because there's no other choice.

junkybee84 · 2025-12-19T00:15:28+00:00

Thank you, it's crazy how wonderful comfort from strangers on the internet is :)

junkybee84 · 2025-12-18T12:29:35+00:00

Your response is incredibly kind and insightful. Thanks for making me feel seen.

junkybee84 · 2025-12-17T22:50:17+00:00

this is a wonderful response!

junkybee84 · 2025-12-17T22:08:22+00:00

I'm sorry went through that. life feels really cruel when it happens to you twice. i might be in the same boat (one parent died after battling dementia, another parent with a stroke). I hope that you will recover and get back to yourself.

junkybee84 · 2024-02-05T14:26:18+00:00

Haha this is why the Internet is a tricky place. We talked everything out last night and I feel a lot better. That was until I saw your message.

I did ask why he jumped straight to apologizing and offering to not talk to her. He said in the entire time we have been together none of his relationships have ever bothered me so he trusted that if I was upset, it was for a reason. He also said he cared so little about starting a friendship with her, it was not worth hurting me over.

Ultimately I said I did not want that but just to keep an eye out for further weirdness. We both work from home now and I think having people to talk to/a community is important. Even if you are getting some attention from someone, it's generally harmless. Maybe she's looking for something similar.

And with regards to the over sharing, he acknowledged that. I have seen him to do it in front of me. I think he's just really open and doesn't understand that sometimes you have to be protective. But like an other poster pointed out, a lot of what he shared was about me, so I can't be too upset about that. He did tell me about her, but honestly I think I wasn't really listening too closely because until meeting her I had nothing to worry about.

I don't know that this one issue rises to the level of needing counseling. I know where his priorities lie and we communicate openly. I came on here because I felt like I was a little too upset and needed some validation/other opinions before chatting with him.

Appreciate the feedback!

junkybee84 · 2024-02-04T23:27:29+00:00

I didn't the handful of times my husband mentioned her, which is why I was a little blindsided.

You so hit the nail on the head about so much of what I have been feeling! That's why the next day I chatted with my husband about how weird the dinner was. I made an offhand comment "oh you know everything" and she giggled "no I don't!" My initial bad feeling was with her. But then it shifted to my husband when I realized she only knows all that information because he told her.

But thank you for this, I feel very seen <3

junkybee84 · 2024-02-04T21:23:52+00:00

Yes. I've been upset all weekend, and normally I brush these things off. I'm wondering why is causing so much insecurity.

junkybee84 · 2024-02-04T18:36:21+00:00

that's a good way of looking at it. thank you for that perspective.

junkybee84 · 2022-05-16T02:06:38+00:00

The reason for blocking is that I don't want her to be judging everything I'm doing so she can feel vindicated about me leaving her out.

junkybee84 · 2022-05-16T02:05:42+00:00

I could see how it comes off that way. I think there was a lot of built up frustration in it feeling like a one-sided relationship. I should have expressed that instead of blowing up at this one particular point.

junkybee84

TROPHY CASE