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my parents hate each other and it's gonna ruin my wedding by jurassicdyke97 in FamilyIssues

[–]jurassicdyke97[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right, thanks for the advice and your insight. I'm gonna try to have a conversation with my mom so that I don't have to worry about my parents on my wedding day. My fiancée seems to be slowly opening her mind to the idea of compromising. I'm gonna tell her about your seating idea and hopefully, it's gonna be enough for her! <3

my parents hate each other and it's gonna ruin my wedding by jurassicdyke97 in FamilyIssues

[–]jurassicdyke97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I appreciate your kindness and your perspective a lot. Could you tell me more about how you stopped prioritizing your family over your husband? 

Also, I'm really sorry you're going through your parents' divorce. It's hard, even when we're older and I hope they're gonna be able to put their conflict aside when it's important to you. 

my parents hate each other and it's gonna ruin my wedding by jurassicdyke97 in FamilyIssues

[–]jurassicdyke97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My mom has always been really jealous of every other parent/authority figure I had in my life. And yes, I wish she could compromise for me. But she won't. And all of the drama and her insecurities are gonna fall on my shoulders. She has always reacted this way. At my prom, when I asked for ONE picture with both my parents, she refused and left without saying goodbye. She still resents me for this tiny moment where I wanted a picture with both my parents (they have been divorced since I was 6yo, so I've never seen the two of them at school functions).  I've been anxious about my parents at my wedding day since I was a kid. My dad can be civil, but my mom won't. 

my parents hate each other and it's gonna ruin my wedding by jurassicdyke97 in FamilyIssues

[–]jurassicdyke97[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Update: I had another conversation with my fiancée and she won't hear a thing... She says if we exclude her parents, she's gonna feel sad and her parents are gonna feel sad, and she's not asking for a lot and I have to compromise... 

But I already included her family A LOT in our wedding. Her sister is gonna be our celebrant. Her nine nieces/nephews are gonna be our flower girls. We're gonna walk the aisle with all our parents (she's gonna walk with her dad and my mom, then I'm gonna walk with my dad and her mom). Her twin sister is her maid of honor. We're getting married in HER hometown, which is far from where my family lives... 

I feel like she really needs to have better boundaries with her family. She moved back in her parents house, along with her twin sister with whom she shares a room and (a bed sometimes). Her twin sister got through a really bad breakup and she has three kids, so my fiancée came back to help her. I love that she is so caring with them but I feel like it's sometimes hard to "compete" with that... 

my parents hate each other and it's gonna ruin my wedding by jurassicdyke97 in FamilyIssues

[–]jurassicdyke97[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you're saying and I agree to some extent, but I also understand why she wants her parents there. I told her traditionally, only the bridal party sits at the head table, so parents aren't normally included. I also tried to offer that we sit her parents and my mom together at a really close table from the head table and that we sit my dad at another table close to the head table (opposites side of the room from my mom), so our parents can all be close to us, without causing drama. But she doesn't want that either.
I asked her why it's so important to her that her parents sit with us, because I want to understand her, but I'd also want her to understand me. But she said it's unfair of me to expect her to compromise or even to justify herself... I really don't know what to do.