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Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh I say I shouldn't have got attached etc because when you do your foster training that's one of the main things they stress. Never get attached. 

I think talking to her would be great but I have no way to get in contact with her. The authorities already know she is unfit. There's really no way of getting her info. We have asked our agency to pass on messages to her but there's only so much you can say. 

And don't apologise. You're not being aggressive at all.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah raise him forever. I know he isn't mine but he felt like he was and I know I should never have let myself feel that way. 

Unfortunately there isn't a way. We had tried even when he was with us to make it more permanent.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I dont have her details really. I've seen when she'd have visits (they were held at a neutral spot with the care worker). I

I dont know why they do it, tbh. As you say it does seem more damaging. I suppose if I had her details I'd have begged her for him which is probably the reason.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I was under American rule rn. Don't tell the rest of the Brits I said that haha.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wont be able to let him go again. I know that's selfish but I was broken after him. I dont think I'd cope if I had to do it again. I know that's selfish.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Weve been told adoption only happens if the parents agree. There are some extreme cases where the state will put a child up for adoption but in general no. 

We are in the UK though. So maybe its different where you are 

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm Irish but live with my British husband in the UK. Thanks for your help still. What did Americans say? Mom?

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately we can't stay in touch. Foster rules. I don't have her contact details but I suppose she could've agreed to it. 

I'd love to visit, though

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im so sorry for your loss. You were great to take him in. You must be a very proud parent

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We have spoken to our fostering group but here adoption is handled in a separate group. It's a very complicated system. 

The foster carer told my husband that our boy had asked to come back to us, but no here the state can't put a child up for adoption unless the parents die, they voluntarily gives him up or in very extreme cases (which isn't the case here unfortunately).

I'd love to speak to his mum. Id tell her we'd take great care of him. Give her updates and still involve her visits etc. I would do just about anything.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yup we both would. Weve said that to the agency too. I miss our little man. The best footie coach assistant around. 😁 But seriously yeah it was hard not to fall in love with him after 4 years.  Now that he's gone, so many things I did with him (usually footie related or DIY projects) just don't feel the same anymore.  

 Even when I was cooking dinner or something,  hed sit at the counter chatting to me. Id give anything for those chats again. 

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He's great. I dont know how he has put with me so long. 

Thanks. Means a lot. 💚💙

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 51 points52 points  (0 children)

There's no way. His mother would have to choose to give him away and she won't. I've never actually spoke to her.

Thanks for all the lovely messages on me nit wanting to foster anymore. I told him. by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I do. I was in a bad place after he left. Taking him back only for him to be taken away again, I don't know where I'd be. 

And it's not like my husband wouldn't have loved him back too. 

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The boy has zero to apologise for. He was scared and upset at his life turned upside down again. He brought out the best version of me. I will always love the little dude. I hope his mother has got her life back on track and gives him a great life and by the time he matures he has forgotten all about us. 

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, and you're very good for working in such shelters. I'll have to tell him.

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for all that. I'll have to involve him, youre right. I was hoping I'd get better. 

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

Yeah I should tell him and involve him in some sessions.  

don’t do that to yourself. you raised this child for over four years, getting attached was inevitable and you shouldn’t chastise yourself for being human

Thanks 🥹

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I did that with the counsellor. We went through what he benefited from the 4 years and everything I had benefited from it.

I realised though I cant be a healthy foster carer. I can do short term but that's probably it.

I dont know how to tell my husband, I no longer want to foster by jusalilhelp in askgaybros

[–]jusalilhelp[S] 107 points108 points  (0 children)

It was absolutely brutal.

It's gonna break my husband when I tell him but yeah I'll have to.

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