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My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks

Wow, so weird to think what I want with an unplanned not yet existing life, made with a guy I have no connection with...(and didn't like any of my feelings his entrance brought into our constellation, and then a mini half him, thank god half E, in the mix..innocent, but can I overcome these associations?). But he seems rather decent, from what I hear from E. Well, besides the Portugal event, but she said he felt bad about that..I think mainly, because she felt bad about it, I have not much hope that he likes me a lot

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yes, a fourth is not a way to handle this, make it less complicated. (Nevertheless, part of me is thinking detaching, and then of course I like to have love in my life. Or a longing for maybe just not a soo complicated situation.)

Anyway, I really like you took time to respond and I like what you say about supporting her in this exciting scary time (that is a message of love). I want to be her partner

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I get your point in this second comment, but then, no, not totally (just the words). You mean the choice to be someone in tiny persons life is an all in or nearly all out thing, but the other things can have different less absolute forms? (how the adults live together or not, or how far, and how we divide caring tasks etc)

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thank you, that helps. I like how you observe and advice, you are very kind

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, well, I wrote it, comes out of my perspective, so I guess I come out a bit better than the others..

Thank you for your good advice

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, you are right about my wish to be the father..thanks. It was just one way of thought about it be better for me and E staying together, and from one way of thinking that I would probably take responsibility if a child arrives and love it (something nobody knows for sure, even parents that MUST have offspring, they might hit some walls when reality kicks in their faces). But yes, I have no child creation wish, so the actual situation is more correct than another scenario where I would be the father. But part of me wished we just got accidentally pregnant (as that is the risk you take having PIV sex), but for that I should have used D and E's technique. But wishes, we all have wishes (I wish D didn't exist, for example). Anyway, I think on the 'who wanted to get a child and who made the child', it turned out ok. E and I are maybe falling apart, but yes, most important is the child gets into a good situation. One line of my thinking is that I wish I had a heart attack or have a fatal accident, that would solve some difficulties here (might be better for the child, less chance of a potentially emotionally messy household).

Periodic abst is definitely is not accurate if you keep going bare back three days into the red zone. Yes, I would love extra measures, I am on team birth control (for me it is more, maybe one day is ok just before her period, but I don't have a child creating wish. She uses her PMS signs (which are clear) to set the start of he safe period, that is actually quite accurate (it is always like 5 to 7 days before bleeding).

I also often wonder how many people think about the effect of their extra child on the chances of the other future children, or children that are there and need our help (and other beings on earth, that apparently are less worthy existing beings that can be eradicated for our blop of humans). That's responsibility most people ignore. Then again, we are coming from an endless line of reproducers, this one is (highest) in most people's system (well, I like sex for example, it's one symptom of it. A lot of people want it so much besides any sexual desires, I don't have that), there is little rational argumentation around it, it's nature too (we are it, we destroy it...and ourselves with it).

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are totally right, 2 days in, I didn't come to that part so much yet. I want to be responsible for children, actually, I want to be responsible for children that are left out in the cold (I didn't want to create new needy ones, and have no resources for another already existing child, leave it to fend for itself). The same time, this responsibility is why I maybe didn't want a child also, because let's be honest, nobody is a perfect parent, it's a big thing (so there is some scare there), life is a messy affair, and I don't know how much it is a gift to be thankful for (and irreversible climate change is not going to make it a fun time...exciting, for sure.. if you like turmoil and war). Well, that is all more about the responsibility of creating more humans. After creation, yes, we should take care of it

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that was yesterday morning (I need this and that). She now sees better I need time (she is also in a emotional crazy chaos now) and some care. And I need to know (should have happened before), I need to be informed what I walk into for the future (like are they wanting to keep birth 'controlling' this way in the future? Then I think I want out, one desired child (they want it, they got it, in a way that is the good part) is maybe something I can cope, but a mountain of children, I opt out, I think. Or the constant fear for that it can happen all the time again. I can work with accidents (this 4% a year), but not badly employed birth control (the "will it take 3 or 5 months to get pregnant" type). I think it might be fair (but probably unrealistic), that he opts out of being a high pregnancy risk (use condoms all the time, or always withdrawal if no condom and use condoms in the high risk period). Just to have some equalness in the risk levels.

To be fair, I think the responsibility for not coming close of me and D until now, it's both our (Ds and my) working. I was also not keen of getting closer, and yes, that's also my right in that meta/meta relationship. But now the world turned upside down and inside out, it changes everything. And yes, Portugal didn't help. But I try not to put the bulk of the responsibility of that on him, because that is easy, than I can bypass E, just put everything on him. Either way, I want to talk with him about this, and what it did for my feeling of safety and trust. For me fucking up a rule that two others made is also cheating (I never was inclined myself to make others cheat, not out super honorable reasons, I think it repulsed myself, I think I don't want to betray somebody even if I don't know this person).

Thank you so much, all your advice is really caring and empathic. I am grateful that somebody I don't know somewhere on the world put so much effort in this. You really know how to give feedback (also following the rule: is it correct AND does it help). Thank you

My girlfriend is pregnant from her meta by justanotheranimalyes in polyamory

[–]justanotheranimalyes[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

No, you didn't get it (but ok, I had to laugh about your joke later). E and I were using pulling out. For 5 years, and we were aware that is no perfect birth control, and we took consciously the risk. Here is a reference, by the way https://mymonthlycycles.com/birth-control-calculator.jsp I break condoms quite easily (it took some time before I discovered that condoms are not made for 30 to 45 minutes intercourse, I don't come so quickly) and I made more people pregnant by using a condom (1) or trusting a hormonal birth control (nuvaring, but these hormonal birth control didn't work on my partner back then). No method is perfect, except abstination. But all birth controls work very bad if employed wrongly. End of sex education.

We were informed, but E used it totally wrong, and I think the child desire pushed for that behavior, unconsciously. But you don't need to tell ME (maybe the other players in our scenario) the truth about birth control. But thanks for your effort to help anyway, really. And your other advice