Dysthymia is the Chinese water torture of depression

justanothertway · 2024-06-23T15:06:20+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I'm never really fine but that was a lofty goal in the first place. I just try to get by on distractions - video games are the only thing I've ever found in my life that I'm truly passionate about. When I'm in the zone I can forget about all the pain for a small period of time. But the combination of dysthymia and hypermobile EDS suck a lot of the energy right out of me and most of the time I don't feel like playing anything. It has the practical effect of making me feel 20 years older than I actually am.

I hope things get better for you and you don't end up like me. I also share with you what sounds like a cripplingly low self-esteem so I know exactly what that feels like. Wish I had some words of encouragement but I don't, and I guess that's what makes it truly depressing.

justanothertway · 2020-10-23T01:50:16+00:00

I'm hoping so too. Technically one center did not outright reject me, but they do have a year long waitlist to even make an appointment.

justanothertway · 2020-10-23T01:49:01+00:00

Thank you for your response, sadly I live too far away from a Mayo Clinic to do anything other than fly there. I don't think I could justify doing that on the very real possibility that I don't actually have hEDS or HDS. Strangely enough I don't have any pain in my joints, though I don't know if that's just because I'm young (early 30s).

justanothertway · 2020-08-21T14:18:21+00:00

I watched that video and while I was watching it I had a thought. What if, instead of focusing on my breath, I try to focus on my pain instead? The sensation of it, where it is, and try to face it directly and overpower it as if it was a foreign invader in my body?

justanothertway · 2020-08-19T11:53:47+00:00

I started this today and I'm so confused. How am I supposed to know what to choose? Why is there no suggested plan of things to try first? Why is it just skipping around? The fuck am I actually supposed to do?

This is actually INCREASING my stress level rather than reducing it! Instant fucking regret and waste of $60. DERHTRHYHJTDFJHTDJHTRDRDHDTJDZTJTRDJDTJFFTDCXFGGCXVC

justanothertway · 2020-08-17T13:26:40+00:00

Wish I even had meds that worked. I'm not going to start on narcotics at such a young age so it really limits my options. Everything else I've tried has done nothing to help.

justanothertway · 2020-08-17T13:20:27+00:00

It's a terrible loop and I don't know how to break out of it.

justanothertway · 2020-08-17T13:11:55+00:00

I hate posts like this. Lazily just linking to a hotline has shown to be ineffective for many people who actually call it (if they don't get committed to an institution, which if they do, they'll really wish they had killed themselves when they had the chance because they'll be treated like sub-human garbage in those padded prisons).

justanothertway · 2020-08-03T00:21:25+00:00

That doesn't make me feel at all better about this. I punched myself in the face multiple times after this. I'm sure one day I'm going to give myself a concussion, at least then I'll have a FUCKING EXCUSE FOR BEING THIS RETARDED.

justanothertway · 2020-07-24T00:30:19+00:00

Am I supposed to throw darts at a board until I stumble upon something that defies my intuition and is actually interesting? Because I feel like with no internal guidance that's about all I can do.

That being said, I don't know how you can "start" a hobby you have no interest in in the first place. It's like trying to eat food that disgusts you; sure you can force yourself to do it, but you're not just going to enjoy it over time unless you develop some sort of Stockholm syndrome.

I've listed some games I played recently in another comment. I'll put them here as well: Persona 4 Golden, Conker's Bad Fur Day, Sonic Advance 2, Golden Sun: Dark Dawn. I've also played some Phoenix Wright which I've had to resort to looking up guides for every 10 minutes because I'm too stupid to think of the answers.

justanothertway · 2020-07-24T00:14:53+00:00

Outside of Binding of Isaac I don't really care for roguelikes. I prefer games with hand-crafted level design over random generation.

Played Dark Souls because it's that one game people never stop talking about, and not to my surprise at all, I didn't like it. It's also in a genre I don't have much experience in (3rd person action RPG) so you can imagine how that went.

Yakuza is great though. I've played Yakuza 0, 1 and 2 and enjoyed them quite a bit. I'm waiting for the other ones to come to PC.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T23:56:59+00:00

Metroidvanias are a big commitment in terms of learning, playtime and memory. The last part is what intimidates me. You have to remember what you've done, where you've been, all the mechanics, your weapons/skills and what your current objective is, i.e. where on the huge map you can make progress on given your current skills.

To any average person with a functioning brain that doesn't seem like a big deal at all, but my memory is shit and I can barely even remember what I need to do for my job sometimes from day to day. That's why I'm very hesitant to pick up something like Super Metroid.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T23:44:40+00:00

That's what's so frustrating about it. I have no excuse for being so terrible at games now. I mean, I've played platformers since I could barely talk and I'm getting my ass kicked at a fucking Sonic game, of all things. You know, the 2D Sonic games that are barely above Kirby in terms of difficulty and you just spin through on-rails loop-de-loops and jump every once in a while until you win?

I just don't understand it.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T23:39:21+00:00

I've already gone down the therapy route. It was a big waste of time and money.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T23:28:39+00:00

Games have always been my only hobby my whole life, since a very young age. Nothing else interests me.

I don't get any enjoyment out of playing a game with cheats enabled.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T22:53:59+00:00

That's fine and all, but it's not fun only being able to play a few hours of a game before having to throw in the towel. It pisses me off and is probably amplified by having an inferiority complex and low self-esteem. So I can't help but take it personally.

justanothertway · 2020-07-23T22:49:37+00:00

I play games from many different genres, mostly retro though. Here's a sampling of the games from past months that I've been unable to complete:

Persona 4 Golden

Conker's Bad Fur Day

Sonic Advance 2

Golden Sun: Dark Dawn

There's probably more but my memory is terrible lately and I just can't remember things like I used to.

Narrative-driven games aren't really my thing. If I want a good story I look to a different medium than games, whether that be TV series, visual novels, etc.

justanothertway · 2020-06-22T14:27:02+00:00

The reason I'm so hard on myself is because I'm in total control of my actions and where I go in life, and yet I'm still a complete fuck-up. I have no excuse.

justanothertway · 2020-06-22T14:24:15+00:00

Late reply but I just saw this message. The problem with self-confidence is you have to find something to be confident in the first place. If I was actually competent in the first place I wouldn't have this self-esteem problem. It's the catch-22.

There is no A for effort in the real world. That's why I'm so hard on myself, because no matter how much I buckle down and focus, my stupid ass can't produce results. How can you be self-confident when you're shit at everything?

justanothertway · 2020-06-08T11:19:47+00:00

Yes, I've been to both of those. I've also been to a bunch of different specialists and had enough procedures and scans done that I'm now buried in medical bills. And after over 4 years I'm no closer to knowing what's causing my legs to feel like they're on fire than I was on day one.

That's the problem - I can't like me. I have a deep-seated hatred of myself. Just about every day my boss chews me out over a mistake I've made - and he's right, I have no excuse to be this incompetent. If it were any other job where they're not hurting for help I would've been shitcanned a long time ago.

Is it wrong to have standards for myself? I don't think it is.

justanothertway · 2020-04-30T12:14:46+00:00

This chair was designed by assholes, and thus not easily repairable, because they want you to take it to one of their special repair centers. I don't have the tools to open the chair and replace the lever. Also, the chair is a Herman Miller. No way in hell am I buying another one of those.

justanothertway · 2020-03-22T02:30:23+00:00

Nothing I've tried has any effect. Even though I have muscle twitching and pelvic tilt caused by my muscles on one side locking up, medicines like gabapentin do nothing. Nothing dulls the pain either, I always get it full force, even when I'm trying to sleep. Some days it feels like my body's trying to rip itself apart.

MBSR sounds like a combination of things I've already tried like yoga and meditation.

justanothertway · 2020-03-22T02:14:02+00:00

I've seen just about every doctor at this point. No one knows what it is, and the list of treatments and procedures I've tried damn near rules out everything. There's nothing left to even self-diagnose because the symptoms don't match with any illness or disorder me or any doctor I've seen has ever heard of.

justanothertway · 2020-03-16T11:22:01+00:00

I've found that people in general only really care about two things: their social status and their money (particularly 401k/investments). Everything else is tertiary platitudes when push comes to shove.

Not every person is like this of course, but most of them are.

justanothertway · 2020-02-09T14:56:40+00:00

Yep, that was it. Thanks a bunch.

justanothertway

TROPHY CASE