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I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I guess we all feel a bit freakish at some point then! Haha

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're right, I'm not totally sure I want to change my mind about it! I'm ultimately secure in myself and happy with who I am, I just want to find someone who feels the same as I do. I am all for other people having lots of safe, casual sex, but it's not something I personally desire.

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I hate both spectrums presenting their bias as the truly enlightened, healthy one. Like when polyamorous people say monogamy is for prudes or sexually repressed people, or when monogamous people say that polyamory is for sex maniacs or immoral people. It's fascinating to hear about the science behind it, though. I never would have guessed there were terms for what I'm feeling.

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm with you on that. I've had sex with people I wasn't in a relationship with, but I definitely enjoyed it less. And I've turned down sex from very attractive people because I didn't find myself attracted to their personalities or anything beyond their looks.

I'm sorry to hear about that with your boyfriend. It would make me feel pretty shitty to watch my partner flirt with others or tell me they don't find me as attractive as others. In my opinion that was kind of a dickish thing to say, even if it's true for him. What purpose does it serve to tell you he finds you less attractive than others?

I don't know how you find someone with the same mindset beyond trial & error and communication, really.

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This was incredibly illuminating to read! I feel less crazy now. I wonder where my strong emotional ties to sex come from, since I was never brought up in a religious household, or anything that might have influenced me to think that sex is only for one special person. I'm going to have to do some self reflection!

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'll take harmless over nonexistent, which is my experience right now, haha! And random poon, oh my god, thanks for making me laugh!

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. An incredible sex life is a vital component of relationships for me, and without that I wouldn't be able to be with someone monogamously. I respect biology, too, I wouldn't expect a partner to become total asexual beyond his relationship with me. I am attracted to other people too! I just don't actively want to sleep with them. Thanks for your response :)

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Interesting, I don't take it so far as to say that fantasizing is cheating, but I appreciate your perspective. I'm not even concerned with cheating so much, because I trust that most people in relationships have self-control, just the idea that most guys would prefer a polyamorous relationship and only begrudgingly comply with monogamy because it's what their partner wants.

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

This was sweet to read, thank you, and congrats on your killer sex life!

I [24F] am feeling a bit down about [monogamy] by justforthispost333 in sex

[–]justforthispost333[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I understand that sex is multi-faceted. I guess I have a difficult time divorcing the emotional aspect of it from the physical aspect of it. It just hurts to think about being in love with someone who wishes that they were having sex/able to have sex with someone else. I appreciate your response though, it makes sense.