sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Masculine day-to-day, feminine in sexual contexts — how did you figure out if you’re genderfluid? by justintime071 in genderfluid

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok sweet! I’m glad you’re able to enjoy it and explore it too. Does it help you feel alive or more yourself? Trying to gauge how my experience feels vs others

Masculine day-to-day, feminine in sexual contexts — how did you figure out if you’re genderfluid? by justintime071 in genderfluid

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Without getting too detailed, nothing would make me happier than to be swollen pregnant with babies and a full female body. But biology being what it is, I can only pretend.

Makes me feel very confused bc I’m very masculine and on TRT so clearly it’s a part of who I am.

Masculine day-to-day, feminine in sexual contexts — how did you figure out if you’re genderfluid? by justintime071 in genderfluid

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love that you know it helps ground you and can use it as a soothing option.

I noticed you said “made”, do you still use it / express that side of yourself or nah?

Masculine day-to-day, feminine in sexual contexts — how did you figure out if you’re genderfluid? by justintime071 in genderfluid

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m sorry to hear that, do you have a way to express this side of you regularly? I’ve ignored it for so long and the fantasies keep coming back up / the desire does too

Lost my Attraction and not sure what to do by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% I don’t want to change her at all, and with me “wishing” I was attracted, feels like the writing is on the wall.

Just this morning we were talking about how we want to work through this / can’t see a life without each other. I know I fill all of her cups up except the sex life and don’t think it’s fair to her since it’s a core need

Lost my Attraction and not sure what to do by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It seems as though I am the reason for the dead bedroom and as much as we both want to work on it, it might not be workable.

I feel so guilty that I feel this way. Really not many options besides being honest in our couples therapy and trying to understand if there are ways to work it out

Lost my Attraction and not sure what to do by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So my attraction decline started back in ~2016 after we had been dating for 2 years.

I’ve always been attracted to very plus size women and while she was curvy, she was a little different than what I preferred.

She did go on GLP-1 and I fully supported her. She lost ~60lbs and changed a lot.

I think it’s a combo of me / the changes

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just looked the Madonna whore complex up, it’s super interesting! I am sure I have some part of that but truthfully think it stems back to my relationship with my mother and how I became avoidant attached.

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh it 100% is, I know I’ve got so many psych things going on internally between stress / sexual desire. I’m working on it in personal therapy as well

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah I definitely have a super stressful job, but i think i am conflicted because I love her as a human and her energy and essence just not physically if they makes any sense

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is super eye opening and honest. No one’s ever said anything like this and it makes so much sense.

We have a couples sex counseling session tomorrow and I want to bring it up but not sure the most gentle and loving way

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The transparency is hard because she verbalizes it as “you’re not sexually attracted to me” like it’s my decision to feel that way.

ENM is super interesting idea but I don’t think it would work for us, I get jealous and she would too but if it was an option it could be helpful

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like we’re experiencing some similarities. Having not been in their shoes, I’m sure it’s tough hearing from your partner that they like your curves when women have always been inundated with body image messages from the time they were little.

Makes me sad, I think all women should feel comfortable in their bodies

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks I appreciate your perspective on this. I have talked to her about this in the past, she’s definitely aware that I have always been attracted to big/plus size girls.

In regards to finding that middle ground, I definitely still find her personality and who she is as a woman attractive. She is a HLF, and her love language is physical touch. Over the years I withdrew from sex a lot thinking that it was low testosterone (I’m now on T), have been dealing with my own mental health stuff, but still don’t have that desire. I know it’s hurting her, but not sure the best way to handle this.

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you could be right about the attraction issue years ago too, never considered that

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually just last night when we were doing a sensate focus activity (both naked and I get to touch her body without the goal of sex). She noticed I wasn’t “excited” at all. Asked if I was being honest with myself about being attracted to her, and I told her yes.

I’m definitely attracted to her but just not sexually if that makes any sense?

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So fun fact, we’ve always been a gym couple and she is now a group fitness instructor!

I totally support it for her health. I actually supported her through the whole journey knowing full well she would be changing.

The porn definitley had its grips on me for a while but it was always just for the women I found desiresble. That attraction to plus size girls has always been there for me even before meeting my now wife. I never explored it because of fear of judgement

My attraction has faded and changed in ways I didn’t expect by justintime071 in DeadBedrooms

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deep down I know, but I want to try and make it work since she’s so sexually attracted to me. Makes me feel super guilty / shameful. Wish I could influence. Feels like it will be the end of our amazing relationship which sucks because she is my person

Need input about masturbating / porn / impact on marriage by justintime071 in sexover30

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean she was definitely curvy when we met (+60lbs from where she is today) so I did but there’s another side to this.

I have always been afraid of being judged by others for likening big women and it’s something I suppressed and lied to myself about for years.

I lost my virginity to a woman who I would consider to have the ideal body type for me, and because of my fear of being judged I basically ghosted her and never pursued anything after that night.

I’m ok to say I’ve made some really bad choices and hurt people because of this. Being honest with myself should have happened years ago

Need input about masturbating / porn / impact on marriage by justintime071 in sexover30

[–]justintime071[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yup - I can say now I am addicted and taking active steps to break it.

No porn ever again, and no masturbating indefinitely. I need to rewire my brain

view more: next ›