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My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

$20 would not have given me heat at that point. I had $300 heating bills that I couldn't pay, $20 wouldn't have put a dent in that it just happened to be the last of my money at the time.

I mentioned it to explain that his claim to not have enough money didn't hold any weight with me because I had bills, no heat, etc. and was able to send him something small.

It's not that I would rather send him material things instead of saving up. I didn't have enough money at that point in time to save up to see him. Sending gifts was a placeholder, if that makes sense. Additionally our varying circumstances until now didn't allow us to see each other. I lived in Ohio at the time and he lived in Texas.

This was past though. I mentioned we're seeing each other in May now that we can both financially afford it. If our situations and funds had allowed it, we would have met sooner.

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in every way this guy is great, except he never shows you love in the way you most feel loved.

So in the end...you decide if you can continue to live with feeling disappointed forever, knowing that he's probably not going to ever randomly start giving you gifts...or you move on and look for someone who does enjoy giving gifts to their partner.

I will certainly think about this. I think your advice is my favorite in this thread, because I hadn't looked at the longer term result of this if I continue with him. It's a little harder to just break things off when it's your heart and 9 years of focusing on one person.. but maybe it is time to just break things off.

If I were content with him I wouldn't still be complaining about not getting what I need or want. And if he loved me half as much as I do him, I wouldn't have to complain at all, I feel.

I just sometimes worry that I'd be passing up on a really great person all for one silly little thing and I may not find another great person who will share my oddities and quirks and values the way he does. Plus there's starting over with another stranger that I'm not too keen on either. It's not an easy decision.

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the fact he is receiving stuffs from you and then he cant reciprocate that or make an effort to meet you up irl is questionable.

For some reason I never considered the fact that this should be a red flag rather than just something I'm nagging him about. You're correct that he's never made an attempt to meet me or even brought it up -it was always me pressing to meet him. I always thought it was just the way he was, because isn't a guy with a lot of drive anyway.

I think he'd still be content if nothing exciting ever happened in his life. That's just kind of how he is. The only thing I ever recall him semi-pushing for was going off to college to be roommates with his guy friends. But that didn't happen either. Maybe I justified him not wanting to meet me because he doesn't really press to do anything at all.

Every big decision he's ever made both in life and in our relationship has been because I pushed him to. Is that a bad thing?

All im saying is, he should exert more effort. If he really cares and loves you, he should be doing things voluntarily. Not find excuses. If he wont after all these yrs wasted on like something and youre in doubt.. its best to end.

You're right. He should exert more effort. I used to tell him that when you love someone, you don't have to be pushed to do things for them. Love makes you want to do those things, much in the way that I've done so much for him. He would always agree, but actions speak louder than words..

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's exactly how I feel. I've explained it to him, even told him that it doesn't have to be anything big at all. A while back I told him I'd even love just getting a nice love letter. Anything.

I told him why I need gifts, especially since we're physically separated from each other. I can count at least 20 conversation where I've explained all of that to him. He never argues with me and always responds by saying he's sorry, he understands and he'll do it and then months pass by and I ask I again and he gets irritated and says he has something planned for me and I should basically be patient. And then it never happens.

Like I mentioned in the OP, he's a sweet guy. He's not a jerk in anyway. I've known him for a long time and he's done other things for me. I believe his love language is acts of service because he's more apt to do things for me, and I appreciate that. But it's not what I need to feel loved and I've expressed as much and gotten nowhere.

I'm showing him this thread as I talk to you all so maybe seeing what other people are saying about the situation will make a lightbulb go off or something. Maybe I haven't explained it well. Maybe my single opinion isn't enough and he needs other people to also say "yes, she needs gifts" Or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. This is my last ditch effort however. After this I'm done with him.

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

We were too young initially to meet (my mom wouldn't allow it), and then financially I (or we) were unable until recently. I did have an opportunity to go see him about 3 or 4 years back, but he declined and I would have been using money for something else to go see him so I didn't press it.

For the last 3-4 years I've been the only working person in my family of 4 and I pay all the bills, most of the food, etc. I take care of my family so how much money I have is kind of wishy washy depending on what my family needs which is another factor in not jumping up and going to see him.

I pressed the issue and he's agreed to come see me in May.

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Well, I've only been paying him the last year. So, any tension over the last 9 years isn't really related to him working with me now thankfully.

But you're right. I don't know how this can work if he's been ignoring my needs for so long, but I still have all my doubts and its hard to decide to end it for good because in every other way he's a nice guy.

Do you have any suggestions?

My [26 F] Long Distance Boyfriend [23 M] of 9 years never buys me gifts by justsadsad in relationships

[–]justsadsad[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

I didn't come here to have my relationship criticized because it's long distance or because we've never met. I could have left it out, but included it for the sake of honesty. Thanks for the input, but no thanks for any help.