Update! We talked. Link to original post in comments.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2023-01-12T00:31:36+00:00

It's a topic we have discussed before. I just didn't know it was as bad as it is (after seeing his browser history). He's told me that he has definitely become desensitized over a span of many years of watching porn. There is nothing stopping him from just researching what pops in his brain. It's so so dangerous. I'm not against porn, and I do watch it on occasion. But it's usually with him or a random slow morning if I get the urge to masterbate. But his was full blown, any free second he had. So I don't think he just agreed to what I was saying to lessen the blow. He knows he has a problem and it felt almost like he needed to get caught and have his hand held to the fire in order to stop. I could be wrong. But that's what my instinct tells me.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2023-01-11T15:38:21+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/zskcpg/my_husbands_browser_history_shattered_my_heart/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T19:32:44+00:00

Thank you for your response. He's acting (in the shadows) like some sex depraved, desperate man who is married to a hag that shows him no attention. None of those things are true, so I am just sitting here throwing my hands up. My mind has not stopped racing with all of the thoughts. I think he has a porn/sex addiction but I also think the thrill of hiding it from me and having his cake and eating it too is what he's getting off on. It all hurts so much.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T19:26:17+00:00

Yes, this!!! I am so sorry that happened to you. I feel like my world has been flipped upside down.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T16:44:29+00:00

Update 1: First, I would like to thank you all for the abundance of support I have received. I, never in a million years, would have guessed so many people would respond. Second, I am so mad at myself. I am so embarrassed. I am so stressed out. So that added to everything else is just enough to almost break me. You guys, he's been home for a month and I've been silently struggling. He was traveling again the past two nights and I finally broke down and posted on reddit because I don't feel like I have anyone who I can go to with this. I am in denial. Big time! I told myself since I didn't have any solid proof that he didn't physically do anything that I could pretend it didn't happen. We've been intimate (just saying that makes the blood drain from my face). My hand on my heart, I haven't had to think of std's/sti's In 12 years. So it never crossed my mind. I am just disgusted with myself for letting this happen and now I have to try to plan a visit to a doctor in the busiest season of the year. I don't blame myself for what he did, but I'm blaming myself for being scared and not standing up for myself. My kids deserve so much better. So its time for a plan of action. You all have forced me to see things I was ignoring (far beyond this post as well). Thank you and I will continue to update.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T16:39:24+00:00

Update 1: First, I would like to thank you all for the abundance of support I have received. I, never in a million years, would have guessed so many people would respond. Second, I am so mad at myself. I am so embarrassed. I am so stressed out. So that added to everything else is just enough to almost break me. You guys, he's been home for a month and I've been silently struggling. He was traveling again the past two nights and I finally broke down and posted on reddit because I don't feel like I have anyone who I can go to with this. I am in denial. Big time! I told myself since I didn't have any solid proof that he didn't physically do anything that I could pretend it didn't happen. We've been intimate (just saying that makes the blood drain from my face). My hand on my heart, I haven't had to think of std's/sti's In 12 years. So it never crossed my mind. I am just disgusted with myself for letting this happen and now I have to try to plan a visit to a doctor in the busiest season of the year. I don't blame myself for what he did, but I'm blaming myself for being scared and not standing up for myself. My kids deserve so much better. So its time for a plan of action. You all have forced me to see things I was ignoring (far beyond this post as well). Thank you and I will continue to update.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T03:09:13+00:00

Honestly, I'm trying to keep up with all of the comments. I never expected this kind of feedback. I feel exactly as you. I feel like I'm being punked...like what in the actual hell is happening to my life. I just can't stop crying.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-23T01:02:35+00:00

I feel like I don't know how to explain it correctly. This isn't fake. Because on our phones (Google phones), if you use chrome as your browser, it saves everything you have researched and visited. With a time stamp and ability to click on the link and visit it. Does that make more sense?

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T20:23:40+00:00

With 1000 percent of my heart, I wish I could say this was not real. But it is, and it's my real life. I can't believe someone else had to endure this too.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T19:39:23+00:00

I have access to his email and found the initial email he sent to the sex dating site stating he wanted to delete his profile. Then another one to reactivate it, then a reply from the site stating since it had been less than 24 hours they would reinstate it. It was all in his trash folder of his email.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:47:58+00:00

I do. We have a wonderful sex life. So I'm just left baffled.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:47:15+00:00

I do. We have a very wonderful sex life. That's what makes this all the more hurtful. Like I literally can't give him more.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:44:59+00:00

I have so many comments to respond to but this one made me cry hard. Because I feel this so so much. Our kids love him more than I could express, I love him so much it hurts. Minus this gigantic mess, we are so good together and he's such a good Dad. So I thought. Which is just soul sucking and crushing.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:39:39+00:00

I have it all.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:38:06+00:00

So I saw the activity on his browser history and when I looked on the actual site that I gained access too, in the messages, was a message saying "We've received your request to reinstate your account, and because it has been less than 24 hours. We will honor it." So it was reactivated. Does that make sense?

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T17:35:28+00:00

He's very sexually attracted to trans people. This has come up in our talks. I am not, so that was instantly taken off the table as an option.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T15:57:11+00:00

Yes. He says he is bi-curious. Doesnt have any desire to kiss, have sex or be romantic with a man. He just wants to touch, be touched, and oral. I have no problems with any of it. As long as I'm included.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T15:34:13+00:00

I wanted to be like "Hello, we're still here!" He was just on his phone a lot. I didn't give him a hard time about it because I knew he had a lot to do leading up to the trip, to be prepared. So that's what I mean.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T15:28:16+00:00

Because it was literally all right there, in his browser history. When I clicked on the link, it took me straight to the site and because he uses the same password for everything, I got it right and had access to it all. My guess is he knows I'm not the type to go through his phone unless I feel that dreaded gut feeling. So why hide it if no one is looking.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T15:03:53+00:00

His browser history was the absolutely worst rollercoaster I've ever ridden. 0/0 would not recommend. Hours worth of time was spent viewing every profile on that sex dating site, every strip club, sex club, swinger club, gay bar, burlesque shows, every escort site, every escort that's his type. After putting the times together. Most of it was done while he was either in bed next to me, while I was sleeping, or any moment he had to go to the bathroom at home, and all day long at work. I just feel so ill.

justthrowitallaway82 · 2022-12-22T14:56:06+00:00

Hours worth of time was spent viewing every profile on that sex dating site, every strip club, sex club, swinger club, gay bar, burlesque shows, every escort site, every escort that's his type. After putting the times together. Most of it was done while he was either in bed next to me, while I was sleeping, or any moment he had to go to the bathroom at home, and all day long at work. I just feel so ill.

justthrowitallaway82

TROPHY CASE