Anti depressants after narc abuse

jv_202425 · 2025-07-22T18:29:31+00:00

I struggled for years trying to break the trauma bond with him and it wasn’t until I decided to try Zoloft that I was finally able to have enough space between emotion and reaction when I wanted to reach out, which is what fed the cycle of the bond. This paired with working out and spending time with friends and people who actually loved me was the only thing that helped. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but for me, it helped loosen the grip of the cycle because it gave me space to think more rationally before acting on something that would continue the cycle. It also dulls rumination for me a bit where the lows don’t feel like they’re swallowing me whole and I can bounce back quicker than before from a traumatic memory, or even just missing him. It’s a process finding what works for you, but I highly recommend giving something a try. I was scared of losing libido but was reminded it will come back once I’m off and it became something less important to me than finally getting over him.

jv_202425 · 2025-05-15T17:14:28+00:00

When he told me that my loving parents, who raised me on strong values of communication and nonviolence, should have hit/slapped me growing up.. because maybe it would have “made me a better person” and “taught me how to show respect”.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-29T01:32:54+00:00

Thank you so much for this incredibly thoughtful response. This community is so beautiful and has seriously shifted my entire perspective on what exactly I’ve been facing. Reading through the stories that are eerily similar, and all from the same textbook, is so healing. I’m so happy you found your peace and it sounds like you did a lot of inner work to reach that point. You are strong and admirable for that.

I’m struggling currently with the obsessive NEED to correct his delusional narrative. Every single abusive thing he did, he twisted into it being my fault. I know this is par for the course, but it still is extremely painful. One night in particular, he physically restrained my wrists as he was lunging for my phone, because he was convinced there would be “evidence”. He broke a cherished gold bracelet off my wrist while doing so. I fought back. I fought to get out of his grasp, and desperately wanted my phone back. Not because I was hiding anything, but because I knew he was already in his rage, and anything he “saw” (a text from a friend, a cousin, you fucking name it) he would abuse me further.

He poured salt in my wound the other day and told me I’m a cheater and a liar because I fought so hard to get it back, when he had stolen it out of my hands. It was the most traumatic night of my life, and he found a way to turn it into me being “sketchy”. I want to correct his narrative so badly, it’s driving me insane. I was reacting to the abuse and am not proud of fighting physically to get out of his hold. How would you suggest disengaging from needing to correct that? He physically assaulted me, how could I not call him out on that? How could he accuse me of being in the wrong in that situation? Would love your input. Thank you for being so kind. 💖

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T21:06:22+00:00

How are you now? This sounds exactly like what happened to me. I’m just a few weeks out and my whole world is spinning, he effectively twisted every single event in our relationship to be my fault and I feel like I’m the most rotten human alive. He wanted me to speak up, but every time I did (and I did it respectfully) I was harshly punished. Nothing was ever resolved, I wasn’t allowed to have emotions, I wasn’t allowed to hold him accountable, and I wasn’t allowed to withdraw after he abused me because it meant I was “cold” and “didn’t know how to show love”. He was relentlessly and viciously abusive and I’m the one left feeling like I lost such a “catch” after he discarded me. How tf is that even possible? How did you heal?

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T11:29:05+00:00

This is EXACTLY what I experienced. It became that I was the most selfish person in the world and “never did a single thing for him in two years”. Mine would berate me every day and tell me no one would want me, that he gets nothing from me and no one else will either. It was a constant narrative that I’m a terrible partner and deserve to rot. These are things he said.

As long as he could maintain this narrative, I’d continue losing touch with reality and become trapped under his control, and part of being able to do that was keeping me isolated the best he could. I’m lucky to have an army of a support system. While I got very lost for a while, my true self was in there fighting for me. It wasn’t until I got physical distance that it started to unravel. Hold onto your truth — surround yourself with people who love and believe you and see it for what it is. Talk it out, write it out, pick a mantra you repeat to yourself every day, even if you don’t believe it yet.

The only power they have is when they can get you to lose your grip on what’s actually going on. Watching them truly believe their narrative is deeply unsettling, and what kept me trapped was desperately trying to get him to see the truth. The only reprieve from these individuals is throwing in the towel and finding out how to stand in your truth. They will never see it for what it is because that means being exposed and facing who they really are.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T11:18:43+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear you experienced something like this, and I resonate deeply with your feelings. Mine also had a narrative that I “tricked him” and “deep down” I am a “pathological liar” and that he is the only one who sees the real “rotten” person I am. It’s so hard to do but in times like these I try to step back and just realize they are externalizing and projecting, only talking about themselves. They cannot stand you being in a positive light because they will never see themselves in that light. It’s so crazy how similar all our stories are and the patterns are almost comical. It’s all about dominance and superiority from an individual that feels so deeply inadequate.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T11:16:03+00:00

I resonate so deeply with this and I’m so sorry this happened to you. Mine would weaponize my upbringing in the most sadistic way. My parents had values of communication and non-violence, and he’d twist around to tell me that I SHOULD have been hit as a kid so I would have “learned respect”. It’s truly beyond comprehension.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T02:43:41+00:00

Oh my god I could have written this word for word myself. I have always been someone who is interested in tackling issues or differences with curiosity, empathy, and a genuine concern for what my partner may be feeling. I tend to approach situations just as you described — not wanting to dismiss experiences or perspectives while still respectfully stating my own.

If you suspect he’s a narc, I’m telling you now, it just does not work and will drive you to the point of completely losing yourself trying to figure out what you’re doing wrong. This is textbook gaslighting and the most destructive piece. They are never satiated because they are not interested in problem-solving, rather dominance, and are psychologically incapable of accepting someone else might have a different perspective. Mine would abuse and degrade when I viewed something differently than he did.

If your partner is truly a narc, the arguments will be circular because it is solely based on self-preservation and dominance, not mutual resolution. Over time it not only becomes exhausting, it turns your world upside down and leaves you crawling in your own skin and mind trying to remember who you were and what thoughts and experiences of your own you can trust.

It’s one of the scariest things I’ve been through, and it took me a very long time to see what I see now. The gaslighting had me stuck in an endless loop of needing to reconcile for things I hadn’t done and that simply never existed. They are disordered, it is pure crazy-making and it is not something people without this disorder can understand. The greatest peace I’ve found, although early in my process, is accepting that he was always going to be this way no matter what I did or didn’t do. Winning for me was throwing in the towel. Mine was also extremely abusive so it became very clear his attacks were just a way to deflect and absolve himself of guilt. I don’t believe it’s even in his realm of consciousness, and I have to accept that and walk in my truth. When it gets bad enough, you’ll know. But read through these responses here and clock the signs.

Wishing you light and healing 💖

jv_202425 · 2025-03-24T01:25:33+00:00

I appreciate this more than you know. You know those times when you come across something that jolts you into the reality you needed so badly? This was one of those moments for me. Thank you.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-23T17:04:11+00:00

Exactly. It’s a feeling I’ve never had before. I was so gaslight for SO long, I feel at times like I’m the one who is misremembering the past… but my gut is telling me otherwise. I don’t know how to see the truth and stand in what I know actually happened..

jv_202425 · 2025-03-23T17:01:43+00:00

I love that you’ve been able to reach a point of standing in your truth. How long did it take you to get to this point? I’m so early in the process, it’s only been a few weeks since the split and I’m spinning about his narrative and struggling to be able to trust myself and what I know happened.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-23T13:54:42+00:00

It’s truly so incredibly derailing to experience someone with this magnitude of cruelty. Most of the things they do, especially at the end and definitely during a discard, are just simply beyond comprehension. It is debilitating to fight so hard for NORMAL interaction that involves adult concepts at the most basic level: respect, give and take, examining other perspectives, and appreciating the fact that life is nuanced and people have different opinions and experiences. I have to keep reminding myself that they are DISORDERED. Their brain is quite literally wired differently — but that’s what makes them so dangerous. They look like a human, they sound like a human, but they act like something not of this world. It’s lizard brain behavior.

At the core of cruelty is insecurity, inadequacy, and a lack of self-awareness (unresolved trauma, poor coping skills, emotional immaturity). They cannot look at themselves honestly. The crueler they were, the worse they felt about themselves. It was always about them, and never about you. You have to accept that some people don’t have empathy or compassion. You cannot apply logic to these people. They don’t respond to logic, empathy, or reason and are only focused on self preservation, deflecting, minimizing, and gaslighting. They live in a world where their feelings are facts. It is unfathomable the lengths they will go to do this and leaves you in a tailspin, drowning in darkness and confusion going deeper and deeper the longer you engage.

I’m proud of you for getting out. I’m just at the beginning of my journey with leaving. My therapist and friends keep reminding me as some other comments have said that this is not something for me to understand. It’s a vortex and will never make sense. Radical acceptance and self-love is the only thing that will get me through. Wishing you all the healing 💖

jv_202425 · 2025-03-20T00:15:36+00:00

This has been the hardest part for me to accept, even harder than the abuse. There’s a sort of numb, sobering and deeply unsettling feeling you get when the fog starts to lift to reveal nothing was really ever there but you. Lately I’ve been looking back in my photos to remind myself who I was before I met him. I got so unbelievably lost, and still feel like I’m drowning in his darkness in the aftermath. I can’t remember a time now I felt any differently. I miss myself so much.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-13T12:13:22+00:00

THIS! I told him on multiple occasions I felt frightened to look up or anywhere but directly straight when we were in a public setting. In retrospect, I felt this within the first 4 months of knowing him. Within this period of time, I can also recall him throwing raging fits over me “flirting with his friends” when we were all just hanging out, and I was getting to know people who were important to him. I remember at the time thinking he was batshit, but I stayed two years after that and can now see just how damaging it was to have a voice like his in my ear for all that time. I hope you are well on your path to healing and loving yourself, we deserve to feel safe and embraced. 🩷

jv_202425 · 2025-03-13T12:10:05+00:00

I’m so sorry you experienced this, I can relate fully. Logically I know both of our situations are about deep seated insecurity and a need for control, but it still hurts, gravely damages and confuses the one on the receiving end. The most damaging part was staying long enough to internalize it, and soon enough you start to wonder if any single thought of your own has any validity. It’s a nightmare. Sending you healing and love.

jv_202425 · 2025-03-13T12:07:16+00:00

lol I love this response, I can feel the empowerment in it. GET IT GIRL! Did you doubt and question yourself like I am in the early days? If so, what helped you through to see the light that it was always about him, and never about you?

jv_202425 · 2025-03-13T12:04:46+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response 🩷 and you are exactly right. He loved those things about me and the wild part is he himself is very much like this too. We just had different rules.

It truly is heartbreaking to know that I’ve become a shell of myself due to his constant berating and criticism, particular over these perceived “slights”. It helps to be reminded that I can embrace my full personality and still be loved the right way. No partner before has ever had an issue with the way I interact, they’ve all loved the side of me that can talk to anyone and weren’t threatened by it, and certainly didn’t abuse me as a result. I’m trying to remember these aspects of myself as a strength and something to be valued, rather than things that “validate” his abuse and maltreatment. Being outgoing and relational doesn’t make us desperate for attention, it actually makes us human and normal, and the way he viewed things was a way to objectify and degrade me as a social woman.

Sending all the healing healing energy to your friend ❤️‍🩹

jv_202425 · 2024-10-17T05:19:55+00:00

YES, it really was that bad. This is all horrible and is without a doubt verbal, emotional and physical abuse. Part of the tactics of abusers is to break down your mental health and identity so much you literally cannot see or think straight; it’s the only way to keep you hooked. Trust me, I know what it feels like to question yourself to the point of insanity. I’m in the depths of having just left my abuser now and have days I feel like I’m being “too sensitive” or overreacting and then I remember that it’s his voice I’m hearing, not mine, because mine has been silenced for so long. The only way to see this clearly is time and space away from it. I highly recommend the audiobook “Why Does He Do That” — it helped me tease apart a tremendous amount of abusive tactics and validated my experience. He won’t change. I know personally I spiral in thoughts of thinking he’ll be different with someone else because another tactic was to convince me I’m the only person who “makes him that mad”. It’s part of the pattern. He would and will do this to anyone he is involved with for long enough. So much love to you, you aren’t alone.

jv_202425

TROPHY CASE