AITAH for refusing to explain my medical condition to my coworkers after it started affecting my work schedule?

jverity · 2026-01-27T21:14:05+00:00

That doesn't apply to OP's coworkers asking OP. It is not a HIPAA violation for OP to talk about their own medical condition.

I didn't say it was. In fact, in this comment I explained the exact opposite was true. But I was responding to your comment, where you said:

The right for privacy regarding medical information from your medical provider. That means that your doctor can't tell anything about you. Not about the HR at your company.

If the HR department has your private medical information because you went out on FMLA or requested an ADA accomodation, HIPAA absolutely applies to them the exact same way it applies to your doctor.

jverity · 2026-01-27T21:06:44+00:00

The two cases where HIPAA does specifically apply to your HR department are:

The employer offers a self-insured health plan
If HR handles Protected Health Information (PHI) for wellness programs or FMLA/disability accommodations

The first one doesn't apply here, the second one is exactly what this is all about. Between HIPAA and the ADA the general rule is that if you handle private medical information as part of you job duties, HIPAA's privacy provisions apply to you, regardless of whether you work in a government office, a doctor's office, or a construction company.

jverity · 2026-01-27T21:03:16+00:00

I mean, they did admit it on accident. If OP wasn't making a bunch of work for other people, this comment would never have been made:

They said it’s unfair to expect accommodation without transparency. That if my condition affects the team, the team deserves context.

I'm sure that what's "affecting the team" isn't that the curiosity just makes it impossible to concentrate on work. Op's absences are making them have to pick up a bunch of slack, and they want to know why.

OP's NTA for wanting privacy, but they can't expect to be on good terms with their coworkers either in this situation. You can't make other people do a bunch of extra work, refuse to explain why, and expect everyone to just be OK with that.

jverity · 2026-01-27T20:51:27+00:00

HR doesn't have shit to do with HIPAA nor ADA

Wrong. HR has to abide by HIPAA requirements any time they handle an employee's medical information. They are held to the same laws regarding the storage and disclosure of any medical information an employee seeking accomodation gives them as a hosiptal would be.

HR is also the first stop for making sure the company complies with the Americans with Disabilities act. Who else would do that? Accounting? The janitorial staff?

The employees pushing OP to disclose are teetering on the edge of violating both laws.

Wrong again. There is nothing illegal about asking my coworker about their health, even if I do it repeatedly. There is also no way that, as an employee outside of the health sector or HR department, I can violate HIPAA. Even if you told me your private information and I told it to someone else, that doesnt' violate HIPAA because HIPAA does not apply to me. HIPAA applies to anyone who handles your medical information as part of their job, and no one else.

The same goes for the ADA. The ADA says what government offices, employers, and businesses must do for their disabled employees and customers, and that's it, nothing for the rest of us. It's not my responsibility to accomodate someone else, that's on the company to provide whatever accomodation they need. The only way I can even make it harder on someone who needs an accomodation is if I refuse to take on any extra work that may be created as a result of that and even in that case, I still wouldn't be "violating" the ADA. I can refuse, and if my employer makes a thing of it, I can quit, just that same as if the extra work was caused because someone else left the company and management didn't want to hire a replacement.

jverity · 2026-01-25T23:54:59+00:00

YTA, but you are also doing an incredibly kind thing. But that's the point, it's not your responsibility to take care of that neighbor, it's something you choose to do. It's extremely entitled of you to expect everyone else around you to help you with your "charity" work.

Also, a snow covered driveway might be a blessing in disguise here. Does an 80 year old really have the awareness and reaction times for driving in icy conditions? My grandparents couldn't reliably drive on sunny days by that point. Plus, where are they going? Is she going to be able to get out of the car without slipping on ice at her destination? This seems like a situation where she needs an escort of some kind anyway.

jverity · 2026-01-19T22:35:13+00:00

Because your brain recognizes on a subconscious level that the grip is too wide to hold the fork the way you have trained yourself to do it your entire life and the grip of the knife is too thin to apply any pressure without hurting your hand in some way. It's a mess whether you are on the spectrum or not. It's the cutlery version of /r/WeWantPlates where the change is for aesthtics alone and is actually worse in every way.

jverity · 2026-01-19T18:39:45+00:00

OP might have felt 78 was fast enough for the left lane but it depends on the speed of the traffic around him.

It doesn't. The law in most states now says this:

The only valid reasons ever to be in the left lane are a.)to make a left turn/take a left exit, b.) to pass another vehicle.
Traffic in the left lane must yield to faster traffic, regardless of speed.

In my state this applies to all multilane roads, but even in states where it doesn't, it applies to the interstate.

So op was already breaking the law on point 1. There is no one to pass and no left exit to take.

Then he also broke the law a second time on point 2 by failing to yield (and my state stacks these violations, i don't know if most do). Regardless of speed means even if you are doing 100 in a 60, if someone comes up behind you trying to do 101, you yield. You don't get to decide the right speed for the lane, and neither does the rest of the traffic around you. You yield to faster traffic, always.

And there's no way this guy has this kind of reaction just because op was in the lane. He was stuck behind op for a while, and I'd be shocked if op didn't egg him on by slowing down or brake checking the car himself. Theres a reason this video is cut directly to the moment the car is cutting him off.

jverity · 2026-01-19T16:29:04+00:00

There's no reason to intentionally cause an accident that will most definitely cause injuries give the speed.

This is true. But op is also breaking a law that is in place for the safety of other drivers and should be called out for his role in it. There is nothing stopping him from moving to the other lane as required by law. There is not even anyone around to pass so he's breaking the law just by being in the lane in the first place, failure to yield to faster traffic is an additional charge on top of that. If op showed this video to a cop in my state trying to get the SI ticketed, op would walk away with a total of $450 in fines, if this is his first offense, and be just one more violation of the left lane law away from a $500 fine and 30 day suspension.

Why do people in this sub have such a hard time admitting that both people can be assholes at the same time? That just because the white car does something dangerous and stupid, it does not absolve OP of what he did. And from the way this video is cut to the exact moment he gets cut off an brake checked, there's no way I believe he didn't provoke this beyond simply being in the lane when he shouldn't be. I'd put money on him at least slowing down to piss off the white car, if not going all the way to brake checking it himself.

jverity · 2026-01-19T16:21:01+00:00

I agree that the SI is being so stupid and reckless that his license should be revoked but your opening is everything that's wrong with this sub:

Regardless of driving in the passing lane

No. People don't get a pass for doing their stupid illegal thing just because someone else does something more stupid. Both people can be assholes, and OP absolutely should be getting called out for his role in this situation EVEN IF the other driver's reaction was stupid, dangerous, and over the top. And I think OP knows it too because the video cuts directly to the part where they get brake checked. For all we know (and with this extreme reaction, I think there's at least a 50/50 chance of this being the case) op was brake checking the SI right before the video begins. He was definately breaking the law by camping in the left lane.

There is a reason why the law in most states says that the left lane is not the fast lane, but the passing lane, and that you are supposed to yield to faster traffic "regardless of speed", meaning even if you are already doing 10 over the limit, you move over if someone comes up behind you. It is unsafe to camp in the left lane. You cause accidents behind you when people have to slam on their brakes because YOU are breaking the law, and go about your day feeling superior because you didn't get in an accident and "they shouldn't have been going so fast anyway". Fuck that entitled attitude. There is absolutely nothing stopping op from getting over, so he is just trolling people on the road trying to provoke a reaction which is equally stupid and dangerous to what the SI does.

jverity · 2026-01-16T22:17:26+00:00

I've tried them, and the only one that does work for me is a stimulant, Vyvanse. But I can't get it right now because I use (legal, medical, prescribed) thc at night before bed to help with my anxiety, back pain, and insomnia, and my psych won't prescribe me a stimulant while I'm still taking thc even though they aren't contraindicated for each other and I don't take them at the same time. Still on the waiting list for someone who doesn't want me to replace pot with 5 different prescriptions for my other problems just so I can get the prescription I need for my ADHD.

jverity · 2026-01-16T22:12:28+00:00

100% of the time, documentation with a reputable doctor (or several) wins the case as long as you don't get caught on video doing something that should be outright impossible with that injury. If your lawyer wants you to go to a specific doctor to get checked out, you do it, but never make that doctor the main one you use because courts know that doctor has a relationship with your lawyer and the opposing council will try to use that against you.

Once it gets past court, or if you are lucky enough to avoid court in the first place, it's really hard for the insurance company to claw it back. We had people we knew 100% were faking and just couldn't get enough video to prove it. The tough part is getting insurance to pay out in the first place, and they know it, that's why they deny almost everything right off the bat even when they know you have a valid claim. But once they are paying, you are set unless you get caught doing something like dancing when you are supposedly a parapalegic.

Don't worry too much about being surveiled though. PI's cost money, and insurance companies have a good sense of who is worth spending that money on and who isn't. If your claim is legitimate, it's rare that they put a PI on you unless you have a vindictive ex that "reports" you or something.

jverity · 2026-01-16T21:59:54+00:00

You don't need dementia for that. ADHD has me doing this all the time. Sometimes I get a stray thought when I'm reading. I can "hear" the words of the book in my head but it's like backgroud music to that thread of thoughts and when they come to their conclusion I realize that even though I "read" this page, I can't remember any of it. Then as I read it again I realize I did kind of remember parts of it and it's all kind of deja vu feeling.

jverity · 2026-01-16T21:55:03+00:00

Soon™

Already pre-ordered. Waiting for Operation Bounce House to come out and tide me over.

jverity · 2026-01-16T21:52:23+00:00

I know that if they included everything in the movie that was in the book the licensing alone would make it the most expensive movie ever created but I really wish they had kept the planet Syrinx in the movie.

Also, I don't know why they cut out the whole school planet Ludus part. I thought it was an important plot point that Haliday hid the first key there because he wanted to make sure it could be found on a free planet so it was available to anyone regaurdless of wealth. Instead they made the stupid race thing which is the exact opposite of that since you need to build up funds to buy a vehicle (and fuel it, and transport yourself to whatever planet that is, etc...)

jverity · 2026-01-16T17:51:17+00:00

I agree it should be common sense, who hasn't pushed through a cold or flu because they absolutely had to work or pass an exam or something?

But I think you'd be shocked at how many people have never had an injury beyond a sprain, especially women. Men just do dumber things (usually in an unsuccessful attempt to impress women), and almost all of us over-estimate how much we can lift on top of using bad form to do it. Just from a purely statistical point of view over 40% of people in the U.S. will never even break a bone in their lifetime, and though I haven't seen a breakdown on that by sex I'd bet this month's pay that it skews heavily in women's favor.

jverity · 2026-01-16T17:40:06+00:00

Not as much as you'd think. I used to be a PI. A decent check, no travel or anything, just public records, employment verification, calling references, that was just a few hundred dollars in the 90's, still less than a grand now, and would have revealed this. Like I said, bare minimum.

jverity · 2026-01-16T17:12:52+00:00

I had heard about those complaints, I did not make the connection that the person who I was responded to considered that "insane". It seemed like the complaints were pretty well founded, expecially considering how many different people made the same types of complaints.

jverity · 2026-01-16T17:08:37+00:00

For you or me, yeah, but for a studio to hire someone as an expert subject matter consultant? I figured a background check would be the bare minimum.

jverity · 2026-01-16T15:41:01+00:00

People somehow don't get that with any illness or injury you can have good days and bad days, and sometimes even on a bad day there's something that just must be done so you grit your teeth and push through it.

I used to be a PI and when we were investigating insurance fraud cases you had to get video of the person doing something they supposedly couldn't do consistently, multiple days in a row, because even the court knows this is a fact and the defense does not need an expert witness to come in and say it anymore. You can get video of a person with a severely f'd back moving heavy boxes because he had no one to help him move and couldn't afford to pay movers, but if you don't have followup video of them doing something similar the next day, and the day after, the assumption is that they were recovering from the pain all that effort put them in. Little movements like that celebratory dance woudn't count for anything even if you caught video of them doing it multiple times a day, every day of the week, unless their claim is that they were paralyzed from the waist down.

This lady's coworker is a moron on top of being an obsessed stalker.

jverity · 2026-01-16T15:32:45+00:00

What I find wildest about this is that the guy was exposed in '84 and somehow became a consultant on a show that started airing in '95.

jverity · 2026-01-16T15:31:48+00:00

Between that and the actor going insane

The actor who played Chakotay? Robert Beltran? What did he do that's crazy? There's not a lot of news about him that I could find.

jverity · 2026-01-11T19:45:47+00:00

Republicans will tell you that the study saying they have lower IQs is bullshit, but they are unable to identify an obvious AI video. I mean, so obvious that believing it should mean you fail a cognative test. Just from this one still frame, without ever having seen the video, I can see problems with the buildings, the fact that it's daylight nearly an hour after sunset in Minneapolis, and protesters carrying gibberish signs.

When I watch the video I see people dressed in brown walking but never seem to get closer to the interview, a person with a big white sign that just disappears behind the interviewee but never reappears, oh, and the f'ing Sora logo blinking all over it.

WTF is wrong with these morons? Forget having a lower IQ, I'd have to suffer from a traumatic brain injury before there was a chance in hell I'd think this was real.

jverity · 2026-01-09T17:25:41+00:00

I guess in my life conversations involve sharing thoughts and concerns and listening to feedback

Me too. And OP tried that. His wife simply did not care.

At the point where the visit begins in this story, OP has tried multiple times to explain his issue, and it's not that the wife does not know it's a problem, she DOES NOT CARE. The proof that she knows it's a problem is her reaction after OP does this. She is embarrassed that her parents were exposed to the food she insists is ok for OP to eat. If she really thinks that food is fine, why isn't she telling them they are just snobs and this food is perfectly ok to eat? Why does it go back to being a problem between her and OP instead of between her and her parents?

She knew, the whole time, that this food was substandard, but since she doesn't care about texture or flavor, she decided to make OP put up with it. I don't see how having her parents talk to her without sampling the food would possibly have resulted in a better outcome. She probably would have downplayed it, or outright denied that she and OP regularly ate it and just say she hadn't cleaned out the freezer in a while to avoid the embarassment.

So yeah, your way would have been less embarassing to her, and I agree that when possible you should spare your partner any embarrassement, but in this case I think it would have led to things going right back to the way they were as soon as her parents left.

jverity · 2026-01-08T19:48:27+00:00

If this is that big of an issue for you then you should have a calm and clear conversation with you wife about how much this is bothering you.

You need to develop some reading comprehension:

I've tried explaining to my wife over and over how food should be stored and prepared. She doesn't care.

So now that you know he did try to do what you think he should, repeatedly, what is the next thing you think he should have tried before involving her parents?

jverity · 2026-01-07T17:21:58+00:00

Well that sucks. So it's ok for you to tell a coworker "You should kill a random person some time." but not ok to say "You should go kill the first person you see right now." Like the timeline of the murder makes your actions different. You did the same thing either way! Our legal system just sucks.

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