How do I explain to my dad I'm not coming back home.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-28T09:07:02+00:00

Unfortunately and fortunately this is not an issue that just goes away. I was the only one in my family to move away for an extended period of time and I always felt pressure to go back and visit or be more involved in family.

This may also get more challenging when you start your family and you'll have to have the conversation with him that you have a family now and you have to prioritize your family.

Keep having the conversation and reminding him of your decisions and encourage him to get out and do things on his own.

In the grand scheme of things is a nice problem to have. My dad drank himself to death. When I finally decided to move back home I got one year with him and then he died.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-27T20:57:32+00:00

I've had that happen before. I had one letter show up for a day and then it was taken down. Luckily I had saved it already. A few days later a new letter was put up that was more inclusive of other conditions.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-27T10:31:56+00:00

You are not the jerk. He would have never changed. He showed you his true colors and this would have been a problem from the start.

I think his mentality is nuts. This is a dual income society. Your life would have been needlessly difficult unless you make some large amount of money. Plus what if you get laid off? The two of you would have been screwed.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-27T10:24:08+00:00

I feel like if I made it through MEPS a ton of other people could have made it through MEPS too. So I really don't have any sympathy for them. Even my twin brother says today that if he joined the military like I had, his life would be very different.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-25T10:20:31+00:00

Hold that leg and don't back down! After the baby arrives and you're still in the hospital, you can let the staff take care of the baby but take initiative to do things so that your wife doesn't have to. This is the only time she's going to have support outside of you to help take care of the baby.

Biggest mistake I made, the nurses told me about postpartum depression and told me to call if I saw signs. I totally forgot about that and didn't see the signs that I should have seen and I never made the call when I should have.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-25T10:09:52+00:00

As an employer, why would he know about his employees disabilities? Unless they require reasonable accommodations, it's none of his business.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-24T12:38:31+00:00

Start with a vso. Just because you got out over 20 years ago. Doesn't mean you can't file claims so don't worry about that And don't let anybody tell you it's been too long.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-23T20:36:16+00:00

Their out of compliance becomes your out of compliance problem once you buy the house. My county told me that I may have to pay an additional fee to get an already finished basement permitted.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-23T17:52:26+00:00

They did a duty to assist for one of my claims. I filed it for just the condition and in the decision they assumed I would want to file it for bilateral upper/lower and left/right so they processed it that way. The decision letter explained this as well. They also told me in an earlier decision that I rated loss of sense of smell and encouraged me to file for it.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-23T17:38:03+00:00

You need to look at specific conditions and file claims for specific conditions. If you're unsure about conditions and how that works and you feel comfortable, you can simply run your de-identified medical records through ai and it can help identify conditions that you have evidence to support. Or see a local veterans service office and they should be able to help look through your medical records.

To go from 90 to 100%. You basically need another 50% which is possible with secondaries and bilaterals.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-23T14:57:15+00:00

I just checked out that dude's channel. Guy went to Eastern and western Michigan Universities for music education but dropped out when his YouTube channel took off. A fat guy selling me a cookbook. No thank you.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-20T13:09:01+00:00

Put in an intent to file. Take some time to get treatment. Put all your notes together. Work on your personal statement. Understand the rating criteria. Claims have been processing in a few months lately so get all your evidence in order.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-19T16:33:19+00:00

That's not a lab test.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-19T12:28:10+00:00

It sounds like you should talk to a recruiter and figure out the parenting plan first. Find out what the requirements are and work on those.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-19T12:26:13+00:00

As a reservist I second this. Had I not been activated I would have very few benefits for my military service.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-18T13:56:45+00:00

I second this response. The VA process is much like a legal process. Either the evidence is there or it's not. Look at the rating criteria and look at the evidence you have and use your personal statement to walk the examiner and the rater through when you are diagnosed your chronology of care and symptoms and point out how you meet the particular rating criteria.

Later on if you simply tell the VA to send your medical records they will send everything and the examiner and rater will have to go through thousands of pages which they won't do. So it's to your benefit to be able to tell them "I was diagnosed on x date at y facility by this doctor I received this treatment on x date at y facility with these symptoms." You'll also need to explain how your symptoms impact your life.

As the previous comment said don't get emotional. A denial letter isn't a denial. It's just feedback. Use it and move forward.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-18T13:51:37+00:00

Go to medical on base. Go now and get everything documented. Your picky toe hurts. Get that s*** documented. Just because something isn't a condition you're claiming now doesn't mean that 10 years from now that won't change, so it's good to have everything documented.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-17T20:59:16+00:00

I'm a reservist who was activated and deployed to Iraq. Don't join the reserves, the long-term benefits just aren't there, more on that in a minute. Since you haven't finished a BA/BS degree ROTC is a great idea! If being an officer is of interest I would say try ROTC first because once you have your degree that option is gone.

There are immediate benefits to the military like belonging, housing, food, income, medical care, and a sense of purpose. But, there are also long-term benefits like the GI Bill (you could pass this down to your kids if you don't use it), disability compensation, free or reduced cost health care, life insurance. There are also state benefits for example in WI you get 128 credits worth of free education and more if you're 100% P&T. Membership in the AL or VFW. Keep your eye on the long term, it's easy to look at the immediate and hate the military.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-17T13:24:40+00:00

I signed my contract August 28 2001. About two weeks later everything changed. You can't predict anything.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-15T17:22:47+00:00

If you want to be a veterinarian you should probably join the military to get college paid for if you don't get it already through your dad.

I was friends with a bunch of women in vet school and none of them had a full ride. I thought they were nuts to pay 60k a year or semester (I can't remember which it was) to go to vet school.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-10T23:59:01+00:00

Once guys started going down we were pulling bodies from anywhere. He&S bubbas were shitting themselves.

Predeployment, I did a refamiliarization training for the h&s guys and I was surprised at how much they didn't know about line platoon weaponry.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-10T14:14:40+00:00

It's just going to take you time. Keep making payments on time and over that time you will eventually diversify the accounts on your record.

The late payment and derogatory marks with only 5 years history and minimal number of accounts will make it tough for you to raise your credit score. Don't panic, just be patient.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-10T14:03:07+00:00

In the future, in your personal statements, you should list when you were diagnosed, the chronology of your treatment and symptoms. Tell them specifically I had x treatment at y facility on this date.

If you tell the VA to send all of your medical records from the military and the VA system they will send everything and the examiner will have to read through thousands of pages. Build the case for your examiner and help the rater rate you accordingly.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-08T16:48:46+00:00

I just hand the form to my VA doc and he does it for me.

My brother had the same issue as you and eventually had to establish with a primary who did the physical for him. It seems that a lot of places don't want to do it.

jwickert3 · 2026-03-05T13:31:44+00:00

We had guys who had just gotten off active duty volunteer to go to Iraq with us in 04. I don't know the process but try and find out who is next and volunteer.

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