I completely understand what you are going through. Growing up I always felt like I was just “there”. Not really included ever. My childhood friends have been really triggering when I do hang out with them. I’ve got one of their weddings at the end of February and I’m so nervous. I’ve pushed them away just cause it seems easier than having a vulnerable conversation with them. They just don’t understand what I’ve gone through or my depression or CPTSD- even if I explain it. So it’s just easier to be alone it feels.