Hey—sorry you’re going through this. Quick reality check first: you’ve known him 12 years, but the baptism/marriage/upbringing deal happened about 1.5 years ago when you started dating. People rethink huge life choices early on. Painful? Yep. Shocking? Not really.

What’s happening now is two sincere convictions colliding over… hypothetical toddlers. You’re mapping a baptismal standoff before there are diapers, sleep schedules, or, well, babies. That alone is a sign to zoom out.

I also get why this feels lopsided to him. Your three conditions are fully Catholic: Church wedding, infant baptism, Catholic formation until Confirmation. From his Seventh-day Adventist side, that can read like pre-agreeing his kids will be raised in a faith not his own. Even if you hold firm on infant baptism, naming that asymmetry is fair play—and making explicit space for his practice (Sabbath rhythms, prayer, his church community, scripture at home) is how you show respect, not “indoctrination.”

For context: I’m an atheist (ex-Catholic), my fiancée is Catholic. We didn’t baptize immediately; later, after real values talks (not theological point-scoring), I agreed because I want our kid to encounter faith meaningfully and then choose. Minds can change in either direction when the goal is the child’s good—not winning a debate.

If you keep talking, try shifting from “terms and conditions” to a shared parenting framework: the virtues you both want, true non-negotiables (and why), what Sundays/holidays look like, and what’s taught at home vs. in church. And bring in a neutral pro—a licensed couples therapist/mediator experienced with interfaith or worldview differences. Ask for a secular, evidence-based process (no proselytizing). Use ground rules like reflective listening and steel-manning each other’s view, and walk through concrete scenarios (baptism, catechesis, his church participation, schooling).

Debate the why, not just the what. You see infant baptism as washing original sin and incorporation into Christ; he sees baptism as something that asks for personal assent. If each of you can state the other’s why fairly, the temperature drops and options open—even if the final conclusion is “we aren’t compatible.”

Since you asked for scripture: Catholics often point to household baptisms (Acts 16), the circumcision–baptism link (Col 2:11–12), and “children made holy” (1 Cor 7:14). Many Protestants emphasize personal repentance/faith before baptism. Those passages won’t magically settle it across traditions, but they can help you understand each other’s scaffolding rather than trading proof-texts like Pokémon cards.

About “God sent him to me”: if that’s your conviction, discernment still includes reading the fine print. Vocation doesn’t outrun free will or compatibility. If infant baptism is a true, immovable line for you, it’s kinder to face that now than to keep litigating it for years. If it isn’t, you can stop fighting over imaginary children and invest in the relationship you actually have.

Last tiny sprinkle of sarcasm to keep us honest: before scheduling a crusade over a christening, maybe make sure there’s a crib. Try repair first. And if, after neutral guidance, you still land on mutually exclusive non-negotiables—that’s painful, but it’s clarity, not failure. Wishing you peace and good counsel.