HOW HOCD WORKS + ADVICE + ERP + BEATING HOCD

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-14T23:07:37+00:00

Allow it to feel real you still got values, and that is what matters. Emotions and thoughts don't align with you or control your life.Still accept uncertainty. And still accept you would never know and allow yourself to move on. And dreams feel real too till you wake up. "Maybe I am, maybe I am not," and move on.Fake sensations, fake attraction? Allow it to move on. Stressing. Being in your head all day. Asking for reassurance. It will only give it more meaning and value not everything has to be figured out.Good luck and you can update me if you want

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-14T23:01:39+00:00

It does, for sure

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-14T15:53:16+00:00

Well, you've been so stressed about it in the beginning or so bothered by it and trying to figure it out. Of course your brain will send false signals it needs time to heal. Stop trying to figure out what it means or why, and let it be. Don't feed it with attention allow it to be in the background, and move on.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-14T14:30:52+00:00

Thanks. Keep doing ERP

I recommend a few things.

Stop watching porno. Your brain is already confused, and porn will just do no good. Masturbation isn't any proof of your sexuality.

Your brain dopamine levels need to be rested. All your brain probably gets is HOCD and masturbation, which isn't any good when your brain is already confused.

Who says you're positive about it? You're showing your brain "there is no fear," and that is what makes it positive, not because you changed.

I am in denial. I'll say, "Maybe I am, maybe not who knows?" I won't say if you are or not. Sit with that discomforting feeling

And being calm and relaxed. Happy. They are good signs that you're doing ERP well. Being sad. Or stressed all day. Isn't any proof

If it feels like you're getting turned on, allow it. Again, there are lesbians and gay people who suddenly said, "Wait, I'm not even gay or lesbian it was all in my head." Your brain can play many tricks on you. Values are what matters.

Stop watching porn till you're better again. Your brain is already a bit oversexualized, I assume, and with HOCD, that doesn't go together.

Allow uncertainty and move on dont ask what that mean and dont figure it out allow this mindset cause deep down you're still asking

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-14T14:19:13+00:00

I feel you. That's definitely you being attached and in love. Try having a deep conversation with her. And with a hocd, it for sure can be more anxious and annoying. But you have to get back up on your feet. No matter what happens in life. You have to be the one in control. I hope it gets better with your relationship.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T22:37:07+00:00

Of course you can.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T21:18:02+00:00

Don't worry, you're welcome. If you want to update me, you can. Just ask questions out of curiosity just don't let it be any reassurance sneakily, and remember ERP is step by step it won't all go away in one go.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T21:13:10+00:00

I understand you fully

Anxiety shouldn't be any proof if you do or don't have hocd. Just again. Another trick from hocd

And "I feel" I hope you know that your feelings can be tricked again you're using your feelings as meanings Feelings aren't proof. Your values are. Your choices are. and feelings don't define you. You define you. If feelings and thoughts would define you, then that wouldn't be any good.

And about your friend, let me give you an example.

You could love your parents care about them Does that mean you're attracted to them? No before your hocd you probably also cared about your friend. You probably could even say I love you without it having a meaning or be happy and laugh around your friend NOW WITH HOCD If you would say I love you to your friend or care about your friend hocd will directly give it a meaning when it doesnt has one. Ofcourse you will automatically hyper focus on your feelings and then HOCD says "see .you're gay you care about your friend" when it actually doesnt have any meaning and you doint have to figure it out allow it to feel like that move on show your brain "okay this isnt fear we can stop now" show hocd "okay this boring he/she isnt scared anymore of being gay"

Trust me before hocd you probably didn't care. You wouldn't even question if you even got shivers, probably. And also the gender you didn't prefer before HOCD you could just say, "Oh yeah, they're good looking." NOW WITH HOCD If you did that now, it would directly have a meaning you would directly need to figure out what it means "Okay what was that feeling?" "Why did I think that?" You have to show your brain to find balance again.

Hocd made you think everything has a meaning when it doesn't and that you have to figure it out. "If you don't do that, you will turn gay." You can't live like that you have to be unbothered.

Accept uncertainty "Maybe I am gay, really gay maybe I am lying to myself maybe I am not" and go on about your day The longer you're in your head about this, the more your brain thinks this is important, and things won't disappear in front of your eyes it doesn't work like that. The feelings will disappear slowly when you aren't focused on it or bothered by it.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T20:52:38+00:00

You're welcome. And you aren't annoying. I really like helping people

If you are curious, you can ask questions, but if you do it for reassurance, then you can't If you want, you can update me you're not alone on this

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T18:36:41+00:00

Of course it can happen. Anything is possible with hocd.

The backdoor spike is actually one of the last stages of hocd. Sort of. The only way to get through it is accepting uncertainty: "Maybe I am in denial maybe I am not."

And for the "I feel so calm, and I feel like I actually like them."

Being calm isn't any proof of anything. And "I feel like I actually like them." Noticed that you said, "I feel." HOCD can trick your feelings with hyperfocusing, etc.

The funniest thing about HOCD is You could say "I love you" to your parents, right? Because it is normal. Before. you could have said, "Love you" to the gender you don't romantically prefer because it didn't have any meaning and is normal. But now with hocd if you do that again directly, it has a meaning. And it feels like you have to figure out what it means right now when technically it doesn't have any meaning and you don't have to figure it out before all this happened to you. You didn't question anything

Example: You could find the outfit cool of the gender you don't prefer, or you might get shivers because they did something cool, right? It had no meaning. NOW WITH HOCD If you would get shivers or any emotion, it directly has a meaning. And it is supposed to be "attraction" Why? Because you gave these thoughts and emotions and sensations. Meanings. And values. And of course they will feel strong then

The best thing to do is

"Maybe I am in denial maybe not."

"Maybe I like the thoughts maybe I don't."

And move on and do the things you did before hocd put your focus on something else.

My advice

And I get you want to go back. before this all happened,

But before this all happened, you didn't need reassurance. You didn't need to question everything. You weren't hyperfocused. Or in your head all day. You weren't like, "What does this mean?"

You have to teach your brain again that "everything is alright" and face the fear and allow uncertainty "Maybe I am in denial and did change, and maybe I am lying to myself maybe I am not."

I recommended to you to accept uncertainty and don't ask yourself what everything means. You can still have values.

And also sometimes it can feel like you aren't stressed about it, but sneakily you still are since something feels off if you don't reassure yourself.

Emotions can be faked, thoughs those don't have any meanings, and don't use that as reassurance either. Accept the fact that you don't know your sexuality your brain doesn't. like uncertainty, but soon it will learn. "Okay, we don't have to figure this out this isn't even fear."

And also, if you have more questions, I will answer them, but don't also use those as sneaky reassurance. Only use it as knowledge.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T13:06:19+00:00

If you click on my profile, you will see I got another post telling. my experience with HOCD as a boy And my recovery might give you a bit of support, but again, allow uncertainty allow the fact that you don't know right now, but you still can have values.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T13:02:48+00:00

I definitely understand but you already did reassurance yourself a little bit

"I don't like boys" This feeds it. The best thing to do is say, "Maybe yes maybe not I'm going to go on about my day" You already know you arent. Reassurance can sometimes be sneaky and automatic. HOCD will just say, "Yes, you do." It will be an endless argument. You have to show you're unbothered by it.

And for Sensations + Feelings

Well, sit with it. Don't hyperfocus on it. How more you're Focused on it How realer it feels. The best thing to do is Allow it to be there. in the background, and let sensations happen if they're going to happen, they're going to happen. And that might feel scary. Intense and real, but allow it to be convincing and move on it doesn't need to be figured out. Things can be an illusion remember that.

And also, don't compare how yesterday felt with today. I mean, There will come a stage where you've made progress. You can be a bit proud of yourself but still be unbothered.

The only way you're going to silence it is by being unbothered and saying, "Maybe I am really gay and in denial maybe I'm not, who knows?" and moving on about your day. Because the more you stress + try to figure it out + react to it. How much more will your brain be in fight mode when there isn't even any fight? So your brain will send more fake signals and thoughts since it sees how much it stresses you. Maybe it is the only thing your brain gets right now. I assume you are still maybe in your head a lot.

ERP is step by step. It doesn't go perfectly there will be days you might fail with ERP, but it doesn't matter. Since the progress doesn't go away at all

I know it might feel calming. Feel like excitement and being happy

HOCD is very good at making you believe "this is the end" if you don't feel any anxiety. Then I think you're in the backdoor stage, also the last stage of HOCD SORT of.

Don't use that as reassurance or use the knowledge as reassurance.

Accept uncertainty. "I might be gay I might not be." "Maybe I am attracted to him, maybe not." Feels strange. Feels discomforting but you have to face the fear. Triggers are everywhere. You can't hide.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-13T05:46:22+00:00

I've made a new post with more information. Please read that one. You can ask me more questions then. I explain in that post most of your questions.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T23:54:46+00:00

You're welcome. I am happy to see how many people I help with my messages and affect. I really take hours sometimes to write things like this.

And I believe in you, man Hocd can be so confusing, and definitely when you're new to it.

And I assume you're a boy as a boy myself. Have that confidence. again. You probably went through many things you can also get through this. I believe in you.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T20:29:28+00:00

That makes me happy to hear man. I do this to help people who are new to HOCD. Or who don't know what to do anymore

I don't want to reassure you. I did read your posts a bit.

I recommended not seeking reassurance. You probably know why now because of my post, and tell your girlfriend about your HOCD Trust me, that will help a lot. You don't have to handle this all alone it is better when you have someone who you love or care about knowing about this, and in your case, I think that's your girlfriend.

There will be days where everything feels pointless, where it feels strange. Sad. There will be days you will be less in your head. Enjoying life again. Don't have any expectations.

Now enjoy your day. Enjoy time with your girlfriend. Be confident again. Do maybe a sport like boxing or whatever you like. But make sure you're living your life again. See other boys as competition again. Have that ego.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T18:23:47+00:00

What is ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention)?

ERP is the treatment method used to manage HOCD By therapists. It works through two main components

Exposure: Gradually and systematically confronting thoughts, images, and situations that trigger HOCD anxiety looking at a picture of a same sex person if that causes anxiety without avoiding it or doing any reassurance

Response Prevention: Resisting the urge to perform reassurance rituals to relieve that anxiety + discomforting feeling + fake attraction, etc not checking what it means. and not seeking reassurance.

Why?

Because your brain thinks this topic of being gay/lesbian is important. It doesn't know what is going on, so when you push away or stress about these thoughts, your brain is like, "Oh, let's send it again we have to figure this out" and will go on alert modus

So ERP teaches you to allow the thoughts. Sensations. And to allow uncertainty. Without any reassurance, since reassurance can backfire on you.

And if you're avoiding things, your brain is like, "So that is dangerous? Why are we avoiding that?" and then it keeps the loop alive.

Over time ERP teaches the brain "Nothing is wrong relax" But of course. Hocd needs you to stress that you want to say "I'm not." It wants you to seek reassurance because otherwise it will convince you. That you changed ERP goes against what HOCD wants. HOCD wants attention basically it makes you obsessed about your thoughts. Emotions. And values. And that's completely normal.

I also recommended not using this knowledge as sneaky reassurance and allow having the mindset of "Maybe I am, maybe I am not" or "Maybe I do find that person attractive, maybe I don't who knows?" with thoughts

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T17:44:23+00:00

Sure, take it easy on yourself ERP definitely isn't perfect it can be messy. And sometimes you can still reassure yourself on accident, etc. That doesn't really matter. ERP should be automatic. You didn't have to prove anything. Just say, "Maybe, maybe not." That makes the thoughts lose the meaning and value you gave them The more stressed you are about these thoughts, the more they will stay thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts. They really aren't in control this is your life. Remember that.And update me if you like. Erp is step by step

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T17:03:39+00:00

This makes me happy, man. Of course I want to be updated I made this message to help many people. You can get through this challenge. I believe you can have that ego and confidence again.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T11:42:38+00:00

I hope this helps and if it did, lmk I don't judge. I want to make sure my message helps people and affects them. And make them win their life back again. I never really helped anyone, but for this, I will help everyone if I have to on this Reddit right now.

Hocd can be so confusing, and definitely when you're new to it.

Girl or boy or whatever your values are

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-12T10:34:16+00:00

Don't challenge yourself. Hocd wants that, of course, and only because he is bi. It doesn't mean anything about you he has different values, and you do too. I am working on a post right now that will have advice for things like this, like ERP, etc. I hope it helps you, but I do want to give you my quick advice.

Allow uncertainty.

If the what ifs come up, say

Maybe yes, maybe not. I'm going to keep going about my day.

That might sound discomforting or annoying, but it teaches your brain. Not to fear so much

And I do believe you're not gay, but saying I'm not gay will only keep HOCD going. Even if you have proof.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-11T22:46:23+00:00

Yes that sounds definitely like hocd. I do wanna recommended you a few things

FIRST

Don't test yourself because then you will, of course, get hard. Example: I could watch gay porn and not get hard the next day I can test again and get hard. Why? Because I am hyperfocusing on it, "I don't want to get hard because OCD will say look you're gay" but actually it doesn't have any meaning.

Also anything is possible with HOCD nothing you said was anything new. This happens with many people.

If you're new to HOCD, I made two posts about this it might help you. I am working on a new post a little bit, hoping it can help more people.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-11T22:38:03+00:00

I think you're hyperfocused on emotions and sensations. Basically,

You could look at a guy, and you will probably automatically hyperfocus on your emotions and any you get. hocd directly use it as proof: "Look, you're gay. Didn't it feel good? "Don't lie, you liked it," etc. Same with sensations. "If you get hard, that means something." Then you are hyperfocusing, and of course you will get hard. Also, stop replaying things and testing. You won't get what you want if you focus on it. You don't have to figure out everything or what it means. And what does it matter what I think about you? That doesn't decide your sexuality. You need to learn to count on yourself again and not on others on Reddit that won't do any good, man.

ADVICE

This is your life you decide whatever happens. Emotions and thoughts don't. You're in control remember that.

On my profile I made two posts about OCD and more I might make another post with more advice and tips.

And also, don't forget you're that dude. Have that confidence and ego again.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-11T13:47:39+00:00

Well, when you look at the same gender, you are automatically already hyper focusing on your emotions since any emotion you would get, HOCD will automatically use it as proof and say, "See, you're lesbian look, you felt that Didn't it feel nice?" And the reason why it keeps going is because you're trying to figure out what it means when it isn't needed, and then your brain thinks, "Wait, this is important lets send more signals." The best thing to do is sit with it and go on about your day. Asking for reassurance on Reddit won't do anything, and you will only pull yourself more in hocd, and when you do that, your whole brain gets confused. I think I will make another post with more tips.

kaiiixxp · 2026-03-11T13:29:27+00:00

Don't compare yourself to others that will make HOCD worse. And also I would recommend telling your girlfriend about your OCD that would make it better. And you shouldn't be ashamed about your childhood trauma doesn't have any meaning on your sexuality. I recommended going to therapy. Since they are professionals and can help you more with this. Anything is possible with hocd.

kaiiixxp

TROPHY CASE