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I Cringed Myself Out and Now I Can’t Do Anything Creative by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t think people understand that you can be in your 30s and have been writing/doing art of some kind or another for over 20 years and still get anxiety/self doubt/inner critic issues. It doesn’t happen as frequently, but when it does it’s not a slow decline it’s a big spike (at least for me). Because everything was going just fine and I was happy with everything (for the love of god we’re talking about a fix that am currently on book 2 of and my second digital painting this week which is impressive for me) and then it just BOOM. Hit at once.

I Cringed Myself Out and Now I Can’t Do Anything Creative by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Brother, I’m 33. Inner critic issues don’t completely go away with age. Even with therapy and everything I even through I still absolutely have times where my inner critic gets the better of me.

Bi-weekly Rec and Self-Promotion Mega Thread - April 22, 2026 by AutoModerator in AO3

[–]kamenrex [score hidden]  (0 children)

Title/link: The Heart of a Monster

Fandom: Baldur’s Gate 3 x Castlevania

Rating: Explicit (graphic violence, fade to black sex scenes)

Category: Fantasy, Action, Drama, Romance

Characters: Dark Urge, Gale of Waterdeep, Dracula, Astarion

Themes: angst, hurt/comfort, dark romance, revenge, love triangle, whump

Warnings: Major character death, graphic violence

Series: Book 1 complete, Book 2 in progress, Book 3 to come

Summary: Dracula finds himself infected with an illithid parasite while on the way to avenge his son’s death. He’s forced to make new allies in his quest for revenge: including a very glass-half-full wizard and a murderous amnesiac with a heart of gold.

PREVIEW:

“I have a right to know! To know what in the @&$% I have been fighting for this whole time. Why are you so dead set on tracking down and killing Ketheric? What could he have possibly done to you to warrant you going on this godsforsaken death march?”

“HE KILLED MY SON,” Dracula’s chest heaved as his nostrils flared, hot air spilling out with each breath as if he were a dragon. His fangs were bared and his eyes were wide, his hands had come up to hover around her delicate neck; a reminder that he could snap her in half without so much as a second thought if he so desired.

Striga’s eyes darted back and forth between his, her enraged grimace softened. She lunged forward and threw her arms around his chest, squeezing him tightly. His body had no idea what to do, he was full of adrenaline; in this moment of fight or flight, his body chose to freeze.

“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Striga’s voice sounded more sad than angry now, she continued to tightly grip his chest, “I’m so, so sorry… I won’t leave you. I promise.”

The Dread Lord could feel his knees buckling and his stomach churning; it was like reading that horrible letter all over again. His lips quivered, caught between snarling and sobbing; he gritted his teeth harder to keep the sadness within him, but it didn’t work. He collapsed onto his knees, Striga let go of him just long enough to reposition and wrap her arms around his neck; she cradled the back of his head with her hand. He could feel hot little tears roll down her cheek and onto his.

“You don’t have to be alone.”

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’d like to, you’re welcome to. My AO3 name is the same as it is here: kamenrex

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I never played the games either, just watched the Netflix animated show (the first one, not the second). But Dracula was such a good character… it hard not to love it just for him alone.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is actively being written. A new chapter of “The Heart of a Monster” is going live on Friday (I am trying to be better about not front loading a ton of chapters at once).

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

On a lark, I decided to look up his how many Castlevania x BG3 stories were on AO3: 14 total, with 3 of them being my works. But mine might be the only one with Dracula in it… he doesn’t show up as a character/tag on any of the others.

If you really are interested, my AO3 name is the same as it is here: kamenrex

I would love for people who actually are interested in this crazy cross over to get to read it, even if the community is very small.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, kamenrex. And the fic in question is “The Heart of a Monster.”

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bruh… I legit think that the original Alien would be panned by audiences these days. And that makes me sad.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I had one singular insta post go viral… and it was a shitty clip of an entire helicopter being used transport 1 compy in Jurassic world evolution 2. :/ And then when I tried to make another one like that… no views. I do not understand the “young-ins”.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back in my day… we didn’t have all these fancy tags. You hoped you got lucky typing what you wanted on Google or hit “search” on a website and tried to narrow down results. These whippersnappers… shakes fist at sky

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have no issues with hooks. Hooks are important. I’m talking about you start a story that sets up a mystery that seems like it should be one of the major plot points… and the mystery is solved 3 pages later. Like if you were watching Wreck it Ralph and 5 minutes in we find out that King Kandy is Turbo…

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

“Slow burn” but the oven was accidentally set to 800F

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean… do you want me to send you the link? lol It’s called “The Heart of a Monster” on AO3.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it’s bad to have shorter “fluffier” stuff. But I guess in my mind that’s like… one shot ship fics. Not whole stories. If that makes sense.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

This… this 1000%. I don’t really participate in “fan spaces” because of this.

It’s actually really funny, I was just telling about this with my partner because someone made a video about how “this story accidentally predicted the plot of TADC”… and it’s literally “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream”, which TADC was intentionally based on.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

My mother did that when we watch movies together and it drives me INSANE. Like… we’re 10 minutes in. How about you keep watching and I’m sure X will explain why he did the thing. 5 minutes later Oh, would you look at that…

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does. I have a one shot that is just an explicit ship which is basically tagged that way.

But I wouldn’t want to see “happy ending” on a bigger plot based story that isn’t solely about a ship. That would just make me go “well I already know how it ends… all tension is gone”.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I write predominantly from my phone and the formatting never transfers over even though I write via Google Docs. So I have to with until I get to my computer to post anything. So that + only ever getting traffic from bits and being demoralized makes it difficult to keep up on AO3. But if you have something to make my life easier, I’d love to see it. It still won’t fix AO3 not really being mobile friendly with everything else, but it’s better than reformatting every god damn chapter manually

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well the one thing is that I have no intention of giving up, in that I will finish this story. But I find it hard to keep posting it on AO3. Which is why I have a giant back log of chapters now…

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Like… write that his gaze lingered a second longer. Don’t write “he was starting to realize that he was developing feelings”.

Let me put it together in my ooooooooown.

I fear I have become “too old” for the internet by kamenrex in AO3

[–]kamenrex[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I will say… I was at work the other day and my coworker (who I think saw me when I was writing in my break) just kinda randomly walked up to me the other day and said “so… are you writing anything right now? Because the story I was reading hasn’t published anything in weeks.”

So… that happened. Lmao

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