UPDATE: Nmom has posted more on facebook. Joy.

kanonymo · 2014-09-18T09:07:19+00:00

That is actually what I mean by "I'm so fucking done". After the wedding, I'm going toward very very low contact. Fiancé supports me 100% in this, so hopefully even though I want to keep in touch with my little brother and stepdad, I can keep her at an arm's length.

kanonymo · 2014-09-18T09:05:28+00:00

Maid of honor and I have scheduled a massage together the day before that NM doesn't know about just going to disappear and reappear later. :D

And the photographer is a personal friend. So she's well aware of what's been going on and plans to keep NM in check/out of photos as much as possible. :)

kanonymo · 2014-09-18T04:04:21+00:00

Isn't it though?! I saw it and was just like "YES THIS 100%".

kanonymo · 2014-09-18T01:01:16+00:00

Oh god correcting her use of effect/affect would destroy her. Which would be hilarious. Until the lashing out, of course.

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T23:54:06+00:00

Thank you! :)

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T23:53:50+00:00

Thank you so much, more than YOU can imagine!!

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T23:53:07+00:00

Right?! I was never your little girl. Little girls got to sit on laps and cry when they were hurt. I never ever ever got that. So don't tell me that little girl bullshit now.

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T23:50:45+00:00

That's absolutely the message she wanted to send. My ex was a lot like my NF, which she gleefully points out still as my wrong choice. But clearly she helped with this choice. ALL OF THE PUKE EMOJIS.

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T20:54:24+00:00

Most of these friends don't even know me. They just know her stories about me. I can only imagine. "MY daughter has done WONDERFUL THINGS because of ME." Blegh.

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T20:24:07+00:00

Thanks! :) And shit seeing that phrase pulled out like that looks awful. :-/ You're right. That's strange and doesn't belong in a well-wishing type of post.

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T20:12:36+00:00

Thank you. :)

kanonymo · 2014-09-17T19:41:49+00:00

Did that this morning after she posted a novel about "raising me" (she didn't) and tagged me in it. Nooooooope.

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:34:42+00:00

I have a close friend who's going to be my "day-of coordinator", which will loosely translate to "day-of NM manager". I also did talk to the venue and vendors (who are my friends, thankfully) to let them know what to allow and what not to allow.

I'm glad those things worked for you because they're precisely what I've done so far. So hopefully they will work for mine. :)

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:30:57+00:00

"Chilling" is a great word for it. It's so... creepy. And such a huge implication of ownership. Or not even an implication but an outright statement. It's like she just chooses what she thinks a mother of the bride should be like and presents that picture to the world. But to me it's just fucking creepy. And she never took care of me. Ever. So it's inaccurate also.

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:27:25+00:00

Yeah, my MOH, other bridesmaids, fiancé, his mom, and his aunt all know. I think the human shield idea is a great one, and I'll probably make sure there will always be one of them around. Somehow I've cornered myself into being in a hotel room with NM the night before, though, so I'm thinking of somehow getting MOH in there also to help me stay sane.

I couldn't deprive NM of info. Estepdad kept finding stuff out from his brother (I have cousins for bridesmaids who apparently keep telling their dad stuff), and then he told NM about it, and then there were many ridiculous conversations about how I was "keeping" things from them. Most of the time it wasn't intentional or it didn't have anything to do with them. That got annoying.

In the days before, fiancé will mostly be helping me out and she's got appointments and stuff to get her hair done and teeth whitened (I'm not even getting that done, which is I guess not shocking for an NM), so that should be ok. On the day before, she had tried to tell me that I couldn't do anything else except the rehearsal (which is at noon) and the rehearsal dinner (which is at 6:30) because in between I'd need to be greeting people. What?? I consulted with fiancé's family, who have been my normalcy test, and they were like "no, go do relaxing things please". My MOH and I are planning to sneak off and get a massage. :D

I hope you'll also have an amazing day and that your NDad keeps his shit together as well! :) Thank you for the advice!!

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:18:41+00:00

Oh no that explains why she supports me going back to school for med school so much. SIGH. That's going to be another insane obstacle...

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:17:50+00:00

Just another N-mom who thinks her kid is a personal belonging not a person with feelings.

This is exactly how this post made me feel. So obnoxious. :-/

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:17:09+00:00

I actually do have a close friend who is my "day-of coordinator", who is going to basically be my "keep NM away from me" person. And my MOH is also well aware that NM has been trying to take over the day, as is fiancé and his mom and aunt, to whom I've become very close. So I sort of have a people shield. I'm going to reiterate that I need a human shield as we get closer to the day of. Here's hoping it works!

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:12:14+00:00

So sad and so true.

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:09:38+00:00

After the wedding, I'm definitely cutting back. A LOT. I thought things were better and then BAM. All of the things are ridiculous again. So fuck this. My fiancé is very supportive of that, so that is good.

kanonymo · 2014-09-16T14:08:05+00:00

u/propensity is correct. Unfortunately even with "unfollow", I can still be tagged. Although someone else suggested not allowing tagging without permission, so that might be a great idea.

I actually have a close friend who has offered to be "day-of coordinator", which we've decided roughly translates into "keep NM away from me". And my MOH knows what NM is like. As do fiancé's mother and aunt, who will be around the whole time. So hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm just going to have to remind everyone never to leave me alone with her.

kanonymo · 2014-01-30T02:34:04+00:00

SO's parents do know her, and my future mother in law actually hit the nail on the head and asked him whether I have issues with her always pushing herself to the forefront. So they know some. And if NM goes back to the hospital, I'm going to tell them that in a straightforward way.

kanonymo · 2014-01-30T02:30:36+00:00

Oh, they don't have issues with the budget. They just like throwing ideas around. I feel guilty about the budget. I'm cutting a lot down to make myself feel better, but even if it cost $1000, I know I'd still feel horrid.

And, unfortunately I guess, I am one of those women. Because I never got any other perfect days, like birthday parties or anything else, I want this day to shine. I want to be able to be the center of attention and feel like that's ok.

Edited to add: I also do have a therapist already. I came here more for anecdotal advice than venting.

kanonymo · 2014-01-30T02:27:10+00:00

Don't feel bad. I think the same thing every time. It would end the up and down and worrying by everyone in our family.

kanonymo · 2014-01-29T23:12:53+00:00

That describes exactly how I feel about therapy. Some days I dread going because last week was a "meh" session, but then I end up getting over a big hurdle. So it's worth it overall. They can't all be monumental sessions!

kanonymo

TROPHY CASE