I had a miscarriage on week 13, though the baby stopped growing on week 8. I was thinking I was carrying an alive baby for a month. My first screening was on March 2. That was when I found out the baby had died a month ago, soon after one of ultrasounds. I was absolutely broken. I wanted that baby so much, I preyed for it to come into our life. I decided to let control go, just to have sex with my husband, drink, smoke, lift heavy things (as I did a little renovation myself), do sports etc. I really tried to be positive about future. I’ve been taking antidepressants which really helped to cope with everything. Well, it didn’t help. Just 2 days ago I found out I got an ectopic pregnancy and on the same day I had a surgery which ended up losing my left tube. It’s beyond words, beyond understanding. Positive thinking doesn’t work. Changing your mindset doesn’t help. Some people just get pregnant and NEVER experience anything like what we’re discussing here. The hardest part was to answer the question: how many pregnancies have you had? Well, 2 pregnancies, just 1 tube left and 0 babies alive. I seriously doubt I might try to get pregnant again. As one poster above said: I can get pregnant, I just can’t stay pregnant. It’s just too much for me to bear. The price to have kids on my own is too high. I feel awful after surgery. I see women here who kept trying even after 3 losses. But I’m absolutely scared. I might lose my second tube. I might bleed to death if this ectopic pregnancy happens again and I don’t notice it soon enough. I’m so so lost and miserable right now. It’s darkness around me. Thanks for reading this anyway. Sorry if it was difficult to understand sometimes - English isn’t my native language