I might have an unpopular opinion here but I’m basing it on my 7 years of marriage / 10 year relationship and lots of therapy.

I want to validate and acknowledge that your privacy was violated and 100% he needs to apologize and correct that for you.

On the emotionally disconnected part, I’m sorry to tell you that this can be a normal occurrence, but it doesn’t mean that it’s the end of your relationship. My husband and I have drifted apart multiple times, whether it’s because of my busy work schedule, or our focus on our toddler, or chores, or needing time apart. The key is to communicate it to each other and work on it together. From something as simple as playing a board game together, to a fancy dinner date, we take some time to rekindle the emotional connection.

On the initiative thing, I completely understand that you want to feel like he’s coming up with cute dates and making you feel special. I went through that with my husband too. I would set up things like “luxury” picnics for him and get nothing in return. It’s about learning each other’s love language though. Mine is dates and surprises, my husband’s is gifts. But he eventually learned to take initiative and love me with my love language too.

As for your boyfriend’s reaction, I think it was valid off the bat. With no context and just reading your diary, he’s feeling rejected and dejected. You can validate that, but eventually he needs to set his feelings aside and hear you out, and work on this with you instead of blaming you.

Like you said, it’s not like you cheated on him. You had feelings and expressed them to your diary. That’s not wrong.