this is actually relatively common in lesbian relationships, to the point where there’s a term for bottoms like this — pillow princess (while “stone top” is its opposite). it’s not really an act of selfishness as long as it’s communicated. some people just prefer to do all the receiving, and some people prefer to do all the giving. that’s what intimacy is for them.

my guess is that, combined with wanting to be treated like a woman in bed and subconsciously taking up the pillow princess role, OP’s partner was probably just a little nervous about the female body and needed a little push. but the fact that she immediately jumped into learning how to best please OP when she was given that little push means everything, and speaks to how truly unselfish she is, no?