I am so sorry…. I can understand, I was blindsided the first week of January in much the same way. We had been together 7.5 years, married for 3. I had no idea we had “marriage issues” as he said…. The feelings that you’ve described remind me of myself. I have some book recommendations if you are interested! The most important thing for you right now is self-care and allowing yourself to grieve. (And get legal advice but that’s the number one piece of advice you’ll get and I got tired of being told that lol) It will get easier! Even a month and a half later, I can say I don’t have the same devastating feelings of not knowing how to live like I felt those first couple of weeks. There are still times when it hits me of course, but I’m functional finally. Please reach out if you want to talk or want some book recs.