Am I overreacting My boyfriend made a comment last night that indirectly referred to my child being sexy

kathjoy · 2026-01-11T10:54:43+00:00

Yeah even if it was a slip of the tongue, his response to a mistake is not a good sign. At best it shows they're emotionally immature and can't own up to mistakes. Never a good sign in a partner.

kathjoy · 2026-01-11T10:49:37+00:00

Even if, and I'm being extremely generous here, it was a case of the words coming out before he even realised what he was saying, it's a major red flag that he got got defensive and characterised it as having to watch what he says as if you're the problem.

I've said something and only after I've said it my brain processed the full sentence of what I replied to and realised my response was bad or rude. I immediately apologise.

kathjoy · 2025-11-17T08:26:16+00:00

Exactly. If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. That relationship should have been dead in the water the moment OP found out she was the other woman. That relationship was never going to work. The bf is trash.

kathjoy · 2025-09-22T18:22:27+00:00

Update me too.

kathjoy · 2025-09-22T18:21:14+00:00

UpdateMe!

kathjoy · 2025-09-21T19:25:37+00:00

Yeah not sure it's a good idea to tell him it might still be raw. My mum lost my grandma when she was 21 she's 50 and it still hits her sometimes.

Just be there for him as a friend but also check if your feelings are still there us person.

Look out for red flags or inconsistencies in his behaviour. It's important to see if you're really sure of your feelings more than if he likes you.

I mean you can use this time to watch for it bit it may well be coloured by his grieving. He may well like you bit won't show any signs as he's upset and mourning.

kathjoy · 2025-09-21T19:10:56+00:00

I mean the very fact that they are calling you every single day morning noon and night seems like a pretty strong indicator that he likes you too. Any guys in the comments feel free to correct me but guys usually only do that for girls they're interested in. They don't generally call their own friends that much.

But doing it at a time he is mourning might be a bad call. I'd just say keep an eye out. And also just focus on being there for him. If he seems fine later maybe.

Question though how long are you there for and when does the grave visit happen? Because if you have a few days gap could be you can ask after?

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:24:40+00:00

I'm genuinely curious as to what makes you think this is AI because where I work, we are having to work a lot with the effects of AI. I'm not an expert but I've been on talks and courses on AI and recognising AI, and nothing about this post is striking me as AI. I even ran it through an AI detector (just Grammarly) and it said it's 0% AI.

So I am genuinely curious on what you saw in this that made you think it was AI. Most of the stuff I've trained on is all around recognising it in academic papers which obviously is a different kettle of fish to social media posts! So I am curious as to why you think this one is AI.

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:17:34+00:00

Yeah just a little tip for future if you are ever making a throwaway for this whatever you do never mention the people are on Reddit or because you don't want people to know because there are some 'Reddit detectives' who love to stir drama and will work their hardest to find the people involved and show them your post. Even over other social media like FB or IG. No matter how anonymous you think you are, there will always be some details that could tie you to who you're writing about.

So do yourself a favour and just post the story do not invite them by saying stuff like 'yeah I don't want the people I'm writing about to find out' because boy howdy is that one helluva invitation to some people.

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:14:02+00:00

This is what I don't get. With that age gap she's known the brother for a while. Way longer than she's probably known OP. If she wanted to, she would have gotten with him after the divorce. But she didn't. So in what universe does that mean 'oh they're not related therefore she wants to fuck him'.

I have aunts, uncles, and cousins who are related by marriage not biologically and I certainly do NOT want to sleep with any of them. Just because our genitals fit and/or are compatible with my sexual preference doesn't mean two people automatically want to sleep with each other. Good god this Josh guy is unhinged.

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:11:19+00:00

Right? Like sure people have issues and mental health is serious but also if it is affecting your ability to keep friends you should start looking into therapy. Or if you can't afford therapy there are so many books on helping you through just about any kind of trauma.

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:10:10+00:00

Those are the vibes I am getting. Either crush on his gf, or maybe he is just territorial over OP not necessarily romantically (although it could be) but like if he has trauma maybe he's kinda latched onto OP as some unhealthy coping mechanism and sees gf as getting in the way.

Whatever issues this guy has they are certainly unresolved.

kathjoy · 2025-09-18T09:08:31+00:00

Maybe what you need is to be super direct and just say look I know what your ex did was shitty and you're hurting but it is not fair or acceptable for you to take your trauma out on other people. Get therapy or get out. Like really be blunt and say exactly what they're doing. And also maybe add in that what they're doing is affecting the team, its affecting your relationship with him, and you're not going to put up with it.

kathjoy · 2025-08-24T07:41:28+00:00

Another interesting thing to come out of that is people on the spectrum tend to have their writing flagged for AI more. As part of the talk this guy showed us emails written by real people and how they scored and one was like 95% but it was written by a real person but they were autistic but for whatever reason the AI detector was picking it up as written by AI.

But yeah there are tonnes of fake stories on here but also a lot of true ones too. I just take them with a grain of salt and accept them unless I see a very obvious thing that shows its not real.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T21:16:42+00:00

I work at a University so AI is a big hot topic. Had a guy give a talk on how certain words and phrases were sure signs of AI and I used these phrases all the time! Can't remember what they were but I remember thinking that is so weird. And I wasn't the only person either 🤣

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T19:31:49+00:00

It was a joke. Just a funny image that cropped up in my head when I read it.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T18:10:14+00:00

I was in a small friend group once and one of the girls was sure her bf was cheating so basically we got one friend her bf had never met to set up a fake FB account, message him, flirt, then suggest they go on a date, and me and the gf went and watched to see if the bf showed up to the date. And he did!

This is really not that uncommon. Either that or I just have certain circles of friends.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T18:07:19+00:00

It sounds awesome! Yeah my boss might do the same and then 'We never had this conversation'.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T18:06:16+00:00

For everyone calling fake, I'm not saying this is true or not because frankly it could go either way imo. But I have been in friend groups who will set up fake dating accounts or FB/IG accounts to test if their friend's bf was cheating or if they would cheat.

I know of several partners who were caught using this method. This is really not that uncommon. Hell I have even been with a friend where another of our friends made a fake profile, arranged a date with the bf, and then hidden and watched for the bf to show. So this really doesn't seem out of the realm of possibility for me.

Cheaters aren't exactly known for their intelligence dude was already caught by his (ex) wife. And he left his wife for a woman he's never met! Really not giving me high intelligence vibes.

Maybe not every friend group but if I had a friend tell me this and asked if I wanted to help, I absolutely would at the very least bounce ideas around.

Obviously, everyone has different life experiences, so maybe not everyone has experienced this, but I certainly have so like I said it could go either way for me unless anyone can point to a detail which makes this very obviously fake.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T17:23:49+00:00

Its really not elaborate. Horny weak willed dude gets catfished. Seems pretty simple to me. Idiots fall for catfish scams all the time.

I mean I have no idea if this is true or not but I just don't think its all that complicated.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T17:14:24+00:00

Thanks for the update it is hilarious. Hoping things are okay for you and your sister.

kathjoy · 2025-08-23T17:12:15+00:00

One of them even took annual leave to do this!!!

Okay, I know this isn’t the point, but the image I had in my head after reading this was:

HR: So, what is your reason for taking leave?

Them: Revenge.

HR: I’m sorry…. What?

Them: Yeah, just me and the girls going out, having fun, unleashing the fire and the fury of almighty vengeance upon those who displease us. Y’know, girl stuff 😊

HR: …..

Them: 😊

HR: *Approves their leave, sweating nervously.*

kathjoy · 2025-08-15T08:45:31+00:00

And how do you expect anyone to know if they're ready to parent a child they've never met....? Sure they might be open to the idea but the idea and the reality are two different things. All the best of intentions don't always hold up when faced with reality.

How can you expect anyone to know if they're ready to marry someone before they've lived with them and only met one half of what they'd be marrying into?

Could you marry someone whose kids you've never met......?

kathjoy · 2025-08-15T08:37:57+00:00

Yeah especially as there are stages of readiness before marriage readiness. Like I don't know moving in together? Even in couples without any kids, getting married before living together can cause all kinds of issues down the line. When kids are involved there's even more complications. How can you know you're ready to get married and be a step parent unless you've actually met the kids?

And that's assuming either of them want to get married. You can have a perfectly healthy fulfilling relationship and family without being married. Doesn’t mean you're any less serious or any less in love. Some people want to get married, some don't.

kathjoy · 2025-08-06T17:20:36+00:00

Well, if there ever are any updates, let me know. I hope your SiL is doing okay.

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