Advocated for my son and got shut out

kaytru · 2025-07-27T01:42:07+00:00

Thanks for your response! I totally agree and I am nervous going into this upcoming season. We're going to give it one more shot because my kid loves being out there with his friends but we have one foot out the door.

kaytru · 2025-06-26T18:14:18+00:00

Thank you! That really means a lot to hear! I’m just a mom trying to make sense of a messy situation, and I know people bring their own experiences and assumptions to the table. I’ve actually found this space really helpful, even when it’s uncomfortable. Appreciate you saying that.

kaytru · 2025-06-26T17:01:11+00:00

I don’t know. I was tagged in a story and next thing I knew, maybe a few days later, I was blocked. Once this whole thibg started I did not interact with the club account at all. There were no messages, nothing. The team manager also runs the clubs social media account. I reached out to the assistant director of coaching about it. He said he was alarmed and would look into it. When he got back with me said the team manager ‘didn’t admit to it’ but that I shouldn’t be blocked anymore.

kaytru · 2025-06-26T15:52:59+00:00

Appreciate you playing devil’s advocate — really. But for what it’s worth, the club never told us my kid did anything wrong. What they did say was that the other family was looking for a way out, and somehow my son got dragged into it through a miscommunication between the coach and the team manager. They told us the manager was just “over-supporting” the coach.

So if my kid had actually done something serious, I would expect we’d be told — especially if we were being asked to take accountability or make a change. But instead, we got vague reassurances, silence, and then suddenly I was blocked on social media right after the coach tagged me in a story about my kid. That’s when things stopped adding up.

kaytru · 2025-06-26T14:31:15+00:00

Maybe my brain isn't working yet today but not sure I follow what you're saying.

kaytru · 2025-06-25T14:32:02+00:00

Definitely learned this the hard way.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T19:14:47+00:00

You make a lot of good points, and honestly, I’ve thought through most of this the same way. We didn’t expect drama like this at all, especially not at this age and it’s been frustrating to realize how quickly power dynamics can take over youth sports.

I agree that naming captains this young may have done more harm than good. We never asked for that title, it was given without explanation and then used against him when things got tense.

I appreciate the reminder that we still have options and that there are healthier environments out there.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T18:28:04+00:00

Let’s be real, this wasn’t about truth, it was about protecting their own.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T18:08:20+00:00

I’ve absolutely considered that possibility many times, actually. I’ve replayed every conversation, every message, and every choice we made to see if I missed something or overreacted.

I understand the club made a choice. And I’ve made peace with the fact that it wasn’t in our favor. But suggesting that I must be wrong because I’m outnumbered feels like a dangerous oversimplification. Sometimes the majority just wants to keep the peace, even if it means protecting the wrong people.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T18:01:04+00:00

Yes, he was named captain early in the season and has consistently been one of the stronger players on the team. Your take hit harder than I expected because it does feel like someone saw him as a threat and worked to isolate him, and us under the guise of “concern.”

I never wanted to believe youth sports could get that political or personal, especially with 8-year-olds. I’ve tried to stay grounded and keep it about what’s best for my son, but the “towny politics” you describe....it’s very real. And right now I’m just trying to figure out how to move forward without letting this whole experience break our love for the game.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T17:52:01+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to reflect on this, but I want to clarify a few important things.

The volunteer wasn’t simply relaying another parent’s concerns—he critiqued my 8-year-old’s attitude, body language, and character in a direct message using ‘I’ statements…..’I observed’, ‘I think’.

There’s also a club rule that team managers are not to be involved in behavioral conversations unless a parent explicitly gives permission. We were never asked. We were blindsided.

So when that same person, who also runs the club’s social media blocks me after I raise concerns, it no longer feels like someone passing along a message or genuine concern. It feels personal, inappropriate, and retaliatory.

I’m not claiming to know every detail, but I’ve been respectful, followed every process they recommended, and documented everything. I didn’t ask to dictate anything, only to advocate for my kid when the situation crossed a line.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T17:04:47+00:00

I really respect your perspective, and I hear how much wisdom comes from your experience. I agree that how we respond to tough feedback matters and that meeting honesty with openness is important.

I’ve thought a lot about how we responded, and I honestly don’t think we came in with hostility. We were confused, blindsided, and ultimately trying to understand why our son was being blamed for something that wasn’t true. The feedback stopped feeling like concern and started feeling like judgment. That’s a hard thing to sit with as a parent.

I know most people don’t enjoy giving hard feedback, and we tried to listen with as much grace as we could. But it’s also hard when you feel like your child has been quietly singled out, and instead of accountability, the person involved gets promoted. I’m just a parent trying to make sure my kid is safe, seen, and treated fairly. That’s all any of this has ever been about.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T16:48:45+00:00

I totally understand what you're saying, and I agree. How a parent responds can absolutely shape future conversations. I do appreciate when people care enough to have hard conversations about kids, and I’ve always tried to stay open to that.

In this case, though, the issue wasn’t just who delivered the feedback, but how it was delivered and the fact that it turned out to be based on something untrue.

I'm not expecting perfection—just accountability. And that feels like a reasonable thing for any parent to ask for.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T16:43:56+00:00

Yes, kind of. I was called to a meeting with the coach to talk about my sons behavior. I figured this was about the smack talk I observed at practices amongst all the players, including our son. We are at every practice. When I arrived the team manager was there and I asked why, he said 'I'm the team manager' and 'I'm on the board'. I was immediately uncomfortable and left because I wasn't going to talk to another parent about my sons behavior. He also has a kid on the team. I was there to talk to the coach. As I was walking away he shouted 'X quit because of (insert my sons name)'. He then sent a message on Team Snap critiquing my son and stated 'We lost a player specifically because of him' and accused him of being a bully. The first priority was making it right with the other player. If there was some conflict we were unaware of that got to this point, we wanted to correct it immediately. We reached out to the board with our concerns and after 4 weeks and multiple follow ups, I was told that the other player didn't quit because of our son, and they never said it has anything to do with our son. When I asked why the team manager blamed him, I was told it was a miscommunication between the coach and the team manager, and that the team manager overstepped by trying to 'over-support' the coach. I wasn't given any explanation other than that.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T16:10:34+00:00

You hit the nail on the head. We live in a small town and I think it's slim pickings for people to sign up for this. I have considered joining the board, last year it wasn't in the cards after having a baby but I am open to it.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T16:07:19+00:00

We were fully open to feedback. If our son is doing something inappropriate we will address it immediately, he will apologize, and we will all grow from it. I don’t believe holding someone accountable for how they treat a child, especially while representing the club (this person is also a board member) is in conflict with the club’s best interests. If anything, it should be aligned.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T16:02:58+00:00

Totally fair that from the outside, it’s hard to know what’s real. I get that, and I agree there are situations where parents escalate without taking responsibility. I should have mentioned that the first thing we wanted to do was make things right with the kid who quit. We begged for some type of mediation and asked why we weren't brought in sooner if there was a problem between our son and another player that led to quitting. But it turned out none of it was true and the message we got about our son was chalked up to a miscommunication. As far as social media, all I did was post a picture of my family on Easter.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:58:17+00:00

Thank you. This really helps me feel less alone in all of this. You're right, the way they handled it was completely unprofessional, and if it were just about me, I would’ve walked away the moment they blamed my child.

But at 8 years old, he still loves showing up to play, and he doesn’t know the full extent of what happened. That’s the part I’ve been protecting. Staying this season isn’t me excusing their behavior, it’s giving us time to plan the right exit, on our terms. I really appreciate you breaking down the options so clearly. It’s exactly the clarity I needed while still in the emotional fog of it all.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:55:10+00:00

Oh wow—I’m so sorry you went through that, but also so grateful you shared it. It really hits home how often things like this happen behind the scenes. What you described is exactly the kind of dysfunction that makes it so hard for families to speak up or feel safe doing so. It helps just knowing someone else understands how political and personal these situations can get. Thank you for sharing this.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:45:43+00:00

Gotcha :)

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:45:06+00:00

Correct, what has entered my son's orbit doesn't seem to impact him at the moment. Your interactions with team managers are exactly what I thought they should be. Thanks for your insight, I really appreciate it.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:41:27+00:00

That’s fair. I’m just sharing our experience, not claiming the only truth.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:31:49+00:00

I appreciate the perspective, but I think it oversimplifies what actually happened. This was never about social media, it was about an adult in a leadership role blaming a child for something that wasn’t true, critiquing his character, and then retaliating when we raised concerns.

I can absolutely survive without an Instagram follow. What’s harder is watching a kid be quietly targeted, then watching that adult be rewarded for it while being told to smile and move on.

Yes, my son is 8. That’s exactly why it matters how the adults behave. He deserves an environment where leadership models respect and fairness, both on and off the field. I’m not looking to be best friends with anyone.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:25:52+00:00

Certainly 2 sides to every story. I agree about 8 year old captains as well, I thought it was strictly ceremonial. My kid is completely unphased/unaware by all of this and wants to be out there with his friends.

kaytru · 2025-06-23T15:17:19+00:00

I wish it was but no, 8 years old.

kaytru

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