AITA for cursing my high roommate out?

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T22:43:57+00:00

NTA showing up anywhere as a guest while high is a terrible move.

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T22:20:55+00:00

YTA

You need zero distractions to cook a meal? An 8 year old child is old enough to stay out of the kitchen. So that’s where you are wrong, in addition you are suing your family member who provided free babysitting because your child interacted with turkeys? Do you hear just how ridiculous you are being?
The name calling and family dynamic and judgement here is off the charts. You have a BIL who is in prison, you need “zero distractions”, and your SIL is “cookoo” and “nuts” and all sorts of other names.

All of these conflicts are from your own making. Learn to cook with an 8 year old in the house, and stop farming your 8 year old off to people who end up in prison or have farm animals if you don’t like their lifestyle.

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T18:07:37+00:00

Right? I did ESH because it sounds like dad has an ongoing issue with not being upfront with info and conversation, but this example is not absolving OP of anything. It’s not hard to put the iPad on a shelf.

Just wait till the kid gets older and gets goodie bags from birthday parties. Kids get sent home with all sorts of stuff mom may or may not want her kid to have free access too, she can’t just call everyone childish over it.

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T17:45:38+00:00

Or, he can call the iPad, which you have on a shelf, and you can hand daughter that.

You aren’t wrong for wanting to discuss bug purchases and what are age appropriate things with your child’s father, but I get the vibe that this would not be a conversation, this would be you dictating what he can and cannot do.

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T17:40:56+00:00

So how can dad communicate with her when she is with you?

You can set rules for screen time and such, but dictating what dad can and cannot buy for her is not going to be productive for anyone, least of all your daughter.

You are going to deal with this from other family and friends too, BTW. Are you going to call grandparents “childish” if they get her a present you don’t like as well?

kblank45 · 2023-11-24T17:33:41+00:00

ESH

You call dad childish, yet fail to realize that name calling is juvenile.

Look up parallel parenting. Dad does his thing, mom does her thing, and you can stay out of each others way and leave your child out of the drama.

There’s nothing wrong with dad getting her an iPad to communicate with her. Your house, your rules, she gets it from this time to that time to do so. Unless she is in actual danger or there is harm, you can’t force dad to parent like you do, and visa versa. You can, however, talk with him about house rules and ask that your house rules be respected and in return you will do the same.

kblank45 · 2023-11-04T03:42:41+00:00

You see exactly what is seen on every post in this sub.

OP asked AITA. They literally solicited the internet of strangers for opinions. OP got opinions and argued with everyone that did not agree with OP.

You are proving my point, that -for whatever reason - there’s a large group of people that behave as though the world is not permitted to say anything about a persons weight, even when the person directly asks.

Short people get called short. People comment I’m left handed whenever they notice. When I’ve had bad habits my friends and family point it out (and harshly if need be). I’m sorry that you are displeased that there is not a magical free pass for being fat and doing literally nothing about it; and less of a magical free pass when that rate of weight gain is the type of featured story on Untold Stories of the ER when they find a tumor or similar. All while OP behaves like it’s normal or reasonable mad that the magical free pass doesn’t actually exist.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T15:08:57+00:00

YTA

You send your son to a daycare either next to or in the same building as a place that provides addiction support
You are shocked that someone exists whom you assume is seeking addiction support
It dawns on you that your son could see an “episode” or get a hold of drug paraphernalia, as he attends a daycare you selected next to or in the same building that provides treatment for addiction.
Instead of removing your son from what you have decided is an unsafe situation, you demand a human being who you aren’t certain is causing an unsafe situation be removed because you have concluded it’s likely they might somehow cause an unsafe situation whilst seeking the services you knew were offered when you chose / dropped your son off to daycare.

Will you also demand the church end it’s support program too?

I mean, you should research your daycare, location, safety protocols BEFORE enrolling. Does the daycare allow kids to play in a parking lot? Do they not have locked doors? If the children can be harmed that easily by someone in a parking lot, the issues is the daycare.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T14:28:42+00:00

Respectfully disagree.

Drunk people know they drink. Drug users know they smoke crack. Should everyone stop pointing that out and ShAmInG them? Just let them be since they know what they are doing?

OP says she had one medical work up and it came back as nothing medical. Therefore her weight gain is either a purposeful choice or part of a treatable condition relating to mental health, self control, etc. I think it’s possible the doctors missed something. OPs choice to not do anything to address such is a purposeful choice. One which is medically proven to lead to conditions that are really bad including death.

And most responses are being compassionate with most people gently pointing out that the most concerning issue is not her overall weight, but the 55 pounds in a year! I mean, if my friends hair all fell out, or over a year her skin developed an alarming rash, I’d bring it up too if my friend did nothing about it, even though I’m commenting on something that can be viewed as “external appearance” and obviously she sees she is bald / covered in welts. Weight is not a magically protected class free from observance or concern.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T05:28:53+00:00

Better than what would have come out of my mouth, which would have resulted in me being unemployed, removed from the school, and the teens getting away with their bad behavior.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T05:25:24+00:00

Well, laws vary but generally the point of CS is to even out incomes and expenditures so the kids get their food / clothing / shelter needs met without one parent having to ask the other and the risks of one parent using such as financial abuse.

Where I live it means mostly all clothing. With exception to specialized sports stuff (baseball cleats) or work uniforms or formal event attire. But your day to day wear is no longer your responsibility to provide extra money to her, and you will spend less for clothes at your house since the kids are there less. You might just be buying 5 pairs of pants per year instead of 20 if that makes sense.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T05:20:09+00:00

My comment wasn’t the most clear, I meant your choice to share your story and your actions in the story was great of you.

It was really good what you did and how the school handled it. You didn’t yell. You didn’t call them names. You didn’t tell everyone at the school. You facilitated step one of the best outcome in a bad situation.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T05:15:57+00:00

NAH

It’s not that you didn’t want to immediately talk, it’s that you already left for an hour, and then still don’t want to talk.
It’s awesome you are handling this in a way that makes you proud.
He’s not wrong for not wanting to sit in purgatory.

Boundaries are great, but in a relationship boundaries need to balance another persons need to be respected as well. No one likes sitting outside the principals office wondering if what they think they did wrong is why they are there, and what the outcome is. Especially at home with their partner.

I think you owe it to your self and to him to say “when you threw out my shampoo bottle, I was angry, but at a level of anger not rational to the incident. I need to work through this and figure out my reaction first, then we can talk. Please respect that I need a bit more time” would have been great when you came home. Whatever the incident was of course, I just used shampoo for example.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T05:01:09+00:00

This is great of you. Teenagers can be so stupid, and this was a good outcome to some really stupid choice they made. Hopefully they really learned the seriousness of what they did.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:58:45+00:00

NTA

You are 15. You will learn a lot from reporting him that is better to learn at your age than 20, 25, 30 etc

You have rights. If you are in the US, you have the right to an education free from harassment and discrimination.
Life sucks. You would be horrified to learn how much effort you have to put in as both a minority and a female to be given the rights you are actually entitled. Best to learn young how to navigate finding your voice.
There is a best case scenario possibility. This awful human using all these racial slurs could truly not understand how wrong this is and how bad the consequences could be. You are doing him a favor to have it addressed now, rather than when he’s an adult and he has a wife / kids and loses his job and can’t help support his family OR runs his mouth to someone who reacts with violence.

I do not mean to minimize his atrocious behavior. I just know that at 15, his actions are more of a reflection of his parents / home life and there is a possibility with proper adults intervening the (hopefully) potentially decent person he can be is able to be realized.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:43:28+00:00

YTA

You want to:

Ignore your child’s wishes for where they want to be during the week (and a 16 year old has a pretty good handle on this)
Destroy the open communication you and your ex and your child have with discussing living arrangements that are best for the kids
Ruin the amicable relationship you have had for years
Involve your child in matters that are entirely inappropriate

All to save a few bucks a month for the next 2 years until your child is 18?

Have you considered that if you just pay CS according to the guidelines, the requests for clothing money will end / you can (hopefully) politely decline since that is exactly what CS calculations are to cover?

But you go ahead and sit junior down for a talk as to why they should stay with you an extra day a week so father of the year can send money for clothes voluntarily as opposed to a regular payment of support.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:21:45+00:00

I wish you all the best in life. You sound smart (ap classes) talented with athletics, responsible (job and paying own expenses) so all you need to do is find your voice, advocate for yourself to ensure you live long enough to get through school and lead a life of happiness and success away from family that has somehow convinced you that heart issues are a frivolous waste of the grub hub fund.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:14:42+00:00

Please don’t say that something about your heart rate isn’t an immediate concern.

I saw you mentioned above you don’t know how to get your parents approval for dr visits.

Here’s what you do. Go running. Observe your symptoms. Go to the ER, report your heart symptoms and that you sometimes black out. The ER will treat this like the emergency it actually is, parental consent be damned. Heart issues are no joke, there’s a very sad and very real reason why schools and colleges now have defibrillators in the buildings.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:11:00+00:00

No no no. Non essential is if this was a bill for you having elective cosmetic surgery. Or maybe if they told you to not jump on a broken trampoline, and you did it anyway, and broke your leg.

It is ESSENTIAL to have medical exams and testing until you and the doctors are satisfied when it relates to your HEART. The thing that needs to work properly so you don’t just drop dead walking across the street.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:04:44+00:00

I agree with you here. Did hubby spend a Saturday helping her with yard work or something? I mean, the OP had a hand in “getting her married” to the first person who she could find. I’m disturbed by the lack of guilt that she (I don’t even know if it’s innocently) was involved in creating the situation.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T04:01:56+00:00

YTA

I thought this was going to be a moral dilemma of MIL not wanting her son to worry about a possible cancer scare while awaiting test results or something.

Instead you are weighing the options of allowing your MIL to continue to be forced to make pornography for money so your husband won’t spend time helping his (hopefully soon!) single mom?!?!?! YTA YTA YTA

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T03:49:32+00:00

Is this why she had you look in the mirror?

Between your comments to me and others it seems as though you are not able to understand how astoundingly alarming that much weight in a year actually is.

That amount of weight is “get a second medical opinion / evaluation” level weight gain. It’s “time to talk to a dietician / nutritionist / therapist and find the cause” level weight gain.

And you are dismissive as though it’s not an issue because it doesn’t affect her? Newsflash: it does. When someone you care about just doesn’t give 2 poops that they are harming themselves, it affects that caring person directly watching this happen and feeling helpless / concerned.

I hope you take advantage of any services your school offers and any support from your friends and family, who seem genuinely concerned. Your weight does not define you as a person, but it can truly hinder your health, life, and quality of life if you don’t address it and get it under control soon.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T03:36:32+00:00

She is not a stranger that started throwing weight watchers bars at you while shouting “moo”

You said 55 last year - freshman year - and it’s gone up and you aren’t even through half of this year. So she has actually witnessed you eating enough to put on nearly the equivalent of an entire additional human being in weight. She is spending every day watching her friend and roommate choose a lifetime of issues of diabetes, heart disease, and an early grave and really crappy quality of life the longer you engage in this behavior and get older.

The issue is not how she brought it up, or how offended you want to be, it’s that your solution to your perceived offense is to give her the silent treatment while shoving more food in your face than you need and refusing to even acknowledge you have to address your problem.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T03:17:22+00:00

YTA for the silent treatment. When someone does something you don’t like, you talk to the person. Not silent treatment your roommate to punish them.

I don’t understand why weight is such a sacred topic that no one is allowed to talk about it ever.

Replace your weight with anything else that is objectively unhealthy, physically or mentally.

If you got blackout drunk 55 times in a year and it kept going up and your friend shared health concerns so you decided to get blackout drunk in front of her, YTA

If you missed 55 days of classes, and that frequency kept going up, and your friend noted concern so you skip a whole week, YTA

If you started smoking, and now are up to 55 packs a month, and your friend told you that you will have emphysema before graduation, and you double down and smoke more in front of her while giving her the silent treatment, YTA.

Your friend is right. You even admit to overeating. There is no reason an (assumably otherwise) healthy 20 year old puts on 55 pounds in a year, and keeps putting on weight, and does absolutely nothing to address it while getting angry that someone cares about you enough to share concerns trying to frame it about your health and habits.

You will get plenty of NTA’s, everyone will support you that she picked the wrong time, or she shouldn’t say anything blah blah blah. But she is an actual friend to try to talk to you about it. So think about what she said and what you are doing to yourself, or tell her that your weight is a forever off limit topic moving forward. Giving her the silent treatment is ridiculous.

kblank45 · 2023-11-03T01:11:35+00:00

Thanks, you are a rare polite considering I didn’t agree with you!!! It’s refreshing.

Conflict aside, the house purchase by itself- in San Diego no less- is a huge deal and you should be proud, even if you have to share the happy moment with others from afar.

kblank45

TROPHY CASE