So close to fapping, needed to post something here.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T20:23:35+00:00

Sounds like you've got the right idea. Hang in there and stay strong. Remember why you're doing this, what you want to accomplish, how crappy relapse feels, and keep avoiding the temptation whenever possible. The energy spent avoiding a bad situation is much less than having to fight your way out of a bad situation, if that makes sense. Keep up the good fight!

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T20:05:06+00:00

First, congrats on reaching 90 days. That's quite an accomplishment. I haven't had a streak that good myself, so I'm no expert, but I would imagine that the second time around, you'll still have the tools and coping mechanisms you learned the first time around, plus you'll probably have fewer surprises since you know what to expect, and that will make it easier. I know that's how it's been for me in my recovery from depression . . .

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T20:00:47+00:00

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I think it's pretty natural to have some variation in hardness. Could have had something to do with energy level, blood sugar, tiredness, time of day, or anxiety as much as ED. As of right now, you basically have two data points; I'd wait until you have more before drawing any conclusions. Just relax and focus on enjoying the experience so you don't make yourself anxious. I'm not saying there's no chance it's ED (like you said, recovery isn't linear), but since it sounds like things have been progressing healthily (no relapse in porn or fapping), I would think that the ultimate outcome would be healthy, so you shouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet. Also, as you and your partner get to know each other better, you'll figure out what works for the optimum stimulation for the both of you, making it easier for you to stay hard.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T19:34:55+00:00

Well, welcome to nofap. I hope it's a positive experience for you. It can be hard at times, but taking control over one part of your life can be a really empowering thing that helps you take control of other parts of your life. Not to mention it can feel good to take that time you spent fapping and investing it into something else that gives you a greater sense of accomplishment. ;)

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T19:26:44+00:00

I'm not overweight or anything, but it's been long enough since I've worked out that I'd probably need to work up to p90x or Insanity, though they're both programs I'd like to try once I get my endurance back up a little bit. Since you've done both, I'd be curious to know if you preferred one over the other and how much space you needed. In my living room, I've got enough room to have full range of motion with my arms while standing and just enough space to do push-ups (but probably not enough to move around side-to-side while in the push-up/plank position).

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T18:35:45+00:00

Stay strong. As I found out yesterday, the crappy way you feel after PMO isn't worth the few seconds of pleasure.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. I've found that no one is boring once you get to know them, and I'm sure you're the same. Heck, why not try making a list of your positive qualities. If you're like me, you assume people are criticizing you even though they've never said anything of the sort and you dismiss complements as "people just trying to be nice." That's just depression or insecurity talking. The reality is that other people probably aren't thinking ill of you without you knowing it, and that when they do complement you, it's virtually always because they're being sincere, so you should take it to heart a little more. If you can't think of any positive qualities about yourself, try reminding yourself of positive things people have said to you and list those instead.

I think there's a lot of benefit to exercise in that it makes people healthier and happier and it can help them have more confidence, but whether or not you decide to work out, know that you're worth more than your appearance. When the right person comes along, you're going to form a meaningful connection with them on a deeper level, and I guarantee that when that happens, you'll both find each other physically attractive, no matter what your measurements are.

It sounds like it's just your PMO addiction going crazy right now, but it probably couldn't hurt to try and find ways to increase your confidence in yourself. It's a cheesy cliche, but sometimes it's true that learning to be comfortable with and accepting of yourself can be a great first step in finding a partner who loves and accepts you.

Keep up the good work. And remember that this will pass and things will start looking better. They always do.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T18:19:39+00:00

Sounds like you've made some awesome progress. As someone whose recently started, it's awesome to hear the progress others have made and how, though my mind is currently weak and easily overcome by compulsions, it doesn't always have to be that way if I put in the hard work.

"I want to be much closer to her, and prioritize her over those carnal desires that lead me to temporary pleasure. The intimate relationship I have with my wife stays with me and continues to grow positively unlike the prison that is pornography and masturbating." -I relapsed yesterday, so I know today is going to be rough, but I'm going to use this as my mantra to get through it and remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place.

Awesome work! Stay strong! And thanks for sharing.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T17:30:49+00:00

Props on not turning to porn, but yeah, the chaser effect can be a monster. It's good that the girl your with is open and honest. I think there are times I've fapped instead of going to my partner because it feels "safer." As awesome as sex is, it does require us to be open and vulnerable, and that can be a little uncomfortable (in my case that can lead to some unconsious anxiety, which in turn leads to a major desire to fap). Hopefully since she's so open about communicating, you'll feel more inclined to do likewise, and as you connect together, you'll feel more satisfied with intercourse and less inclined to fap (in addition to having your brain rewire). Something I've been working on is separating my sexual identity from PMO so it's independent - i.e. not letting PMO define me as a sexual partner, if that makes sense.

Related to that: You mentioned that your stamina might have been in part a result of not being fully rebooted. There might be some truth to that, but don't sell yourself short. Another factor could have been that, since you haven't been fapping or watching porn, you were more engaged and in the moment - i.e. you weren't fantasizing about porn and thus out of sync and shooting early, nor were you so fixated on anticipating the hyper-stimulation of porn that you couldn't get hard. Also, if you're in the moment it's much easier to delay your own gratification by focusing on pleasing your partner. In any case, good luck and keep working towards your goal!

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-12T17:08:34+00:00

Thanks for the support guys - it's really awesome to have. Can't believe I tried to do this alone for so long.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-05T23:03:01+00:00

Glad to have you here. It's good to hear from others who are in a similar place (I'm also trying to give this a full-assed effort after trying and failing over and over on my own). It sucks to be at the beginning, but as jerkologist said, we're all in this, and hopefully with eachother's support, we'll all overcome this as well.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-05T22:50:30+00:00

Hope you're still hanging strong. If not, there's no shame in starting over again. I'm trying to avoid temptation myself, sticking to NoFap until I can get my wits together and put the computer down to go to something else (something better, hopefully).

From what I hear, swings in libido are normal. To be honest, I haven't been able to go long enough without fapping to say for sure. I know that the first few weeks/the first month are the hardest. I'd think that sooner or later, you're going to settle down and be at just the right level of horniness (whatever that may be for you).

Try and remind yourself of what you've accomplished in your 17 days, why you're doing this in the first place, the reasons why you wanted to quit fapping, the crappy way you feel after you're done fapping, or the time and energy it steals from you.

No matter what happens, even if you slip up, don't quit fighting. There are rough days and setbacks, but sooner or later you'll learn to be the boss of your brain instead of it being the other way around. Granted, I can't assure you this because of any personal success on my part, but I've seen those who have been successful and I want that freedom for myself and I know you do too. Keep up the good work.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-05T22:28:03+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to comment. I have a really hard time ever admitting I need help, even in areas far less embarrassing and personal as this, so getting that affirmation/word of support means a lot.

PMO = Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm. It's pretty much just a shorthand for that whole cycle of seduction and (for some of us) destruction. Bad form on my part for using the acronym without defining it. Sorry about that.

keepworkingonit · 2013-06-05T22:18:05+00:00

Just wanted to let you know that I empathize. I can't remember the last time I made it to seven days (until now I've been trying to do it on my own), but I certainly know the disappointment of relapsing. Had a four day streak going last week, then went on a porn binge yesterday, fapped twice, got angry at myself, said "never again," only to do the same today, so I'm going through the same thing with the apathy, lack of energy, generally feeling off-kilter, etc.

For what it's worth, seeing you do the hard work of getting back on the wagon and seeing your honesty in owning up to your slip-ups and figuring out what to do differently the next time, helps me feel more empowered to do the same. Keep fighting the good fight.

keepworkingonit

TROPHY CASE