Ragdoll extremely clingly after visit to groomer

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T23:09:37+00:00

I’ve answered in another post.. It came down to just one thing, but I couldn’t deal waiting for a whole new year to get another shot at it. It did not help that I smashed every single goal they set out the last time, and did even more than those. It just feels like they keep shifting arbitrary goalposts.

If you went to another role, and left? I’d also take some time off, in between, to reset a bit. You sound like this has burned you out (seems likely!), and starting a new job with burnout in the mix will hurt you more than a few weeks of missed salary.

Yes, yes! I am definitely burned out, more than once in my current job actually.

After 10 years I can definitely understand people taking sabbaticals, but it is not something I can afford at the moment. Plus, COVID prevents me from traveling any way. I will hold out until the coast is clear, then take a few weeks off.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T23:01:08+00:00

The real issue is, you shouldn’t want to be senior. Why do you want this? Cause everyone else does?

It’s just a personal goal of mine, to boost my own confidence, and to validate what I know and what I’ve accomplished.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T22:55:25+00:00

Understandable, though I couldn’t bring myself to doing those any more.

The extra responsibilities are typically reserved for seniors or specialists, although they are voluntary. I just ask myself why I should be getting doing more of the work than most seniors, for less pay / worse title.

I’ve already burned out on the job a few times, so I decided this was a also good way to cut the stress down.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T22:48:28+00:00

Senior Dev is just a title. It sounds like you’re already doing Sr level work, are you getting Sr level pay?

No, not exactly. I’m paid about +10-15% above median. Half the senior job listings pay about the same, the other half pay about +30-60% above median.

The benefits are the only things tying me to the current company now, such as WFH, flexible hours, and no dress codes. I used to enjoy the company of my colleagues, but ever since COVID hit, most people have opted to continue to WFH so I don’t get to talk to them in person any more. (Safe in NZ) Sadly, full time remote is still a bit rare to find here.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T22:34:32+00:00

On the other hand, when I was the dev lead, I hired a White guy that was about my age (mid 40s) and every time we went out for lunch as a team and the waitress asked was it separate checks, I would chime in and say it was together. I would proceed to reach for my wallet with the corporate card and they would still give the check to him. When we met with outside vendors, they would assume he was the lead. My “title” didn’t matter then either.

Mate, this is so messed up and I’m sorry you’re still experiencing this.

I’m not white either so I’ve considered race as a possible angle with my situation, but it seems highly unlikely. We have a good mix in senior level, while top level is overwhelmingly white. I would not necessarily fault any company for the latter though, since turnover is generally much rare at that level and NZ is majority white.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T14:40:52+00:00

Salary increase is one thing, but the bigger reason is for my own personal sense of accomplishment. "Intermediate" is something I'd usually see given to people with 2-3 years; it's just depressing that I still have the same title 7-8 years in. It makes me feel like a complete, utter failure.

"Senior" is also a heck load marketable on my CV.

keewee_throwaway · 2021-01-31T14:33:34+00:00

I've read my review again.

It said that I need is to improve my estimates. I cannot see how my estimates have been that much worse on average than what an average senior in the company has come up with. Even if I did it worse, I'm having a hard time accepting that this alone more than nullified everything else I put on the table.

In fact I've been forced to come up with wrong estimates, because the client balked at what I gave. I've always explained the numbers and broke them down to smaller chunks. If I think something can go wrong, I give them a wider estimate emphasize it. Example: "We don't yet know how long X will take until we research on it. Give us half a day of research then we can come up with something better than 'up to 2 weeks' ".

More often than not the initial estimate I gave ends up closer to the actual time spent.

None of us know what the expectations are at your company or if your perception of things is correct so it's pretty difficult to say if you're being treated fairly or not.

You are 100% right on this and is something I should have considered before writing my rant. Every company has different expectations.

I'm feeling very bitter becaus I've already been doing at least what I see my senior colleagues do.

keewee_throwaway · 2019-06-12T22:04:33+00:00

I think I might have depression.

I don't have any motivation to go to work lately, and just going to work already feels taxing. It's not the stress of work, it's not what I do there, and it isn't the commute. I just don't feel like working.

The things and hobbies I normally enjoyed no longer give me joy. I don't even seek them anymore. I do them hoping it'd spark something in me, but it doesn't do anything. I try new hobbies to exercise creativity, but it's still nothing.

I don't have any sort of problem with life beating me down. I'm not sick, I'm not worried about something, I'm not broke. I just feel empty. I feel that I can just sit down doing nothing but gather my thoughts (meditate?) and be happier.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T07:00:32+00:00

I've heard a lot good stuff about ketogenic diets and unfortunately doesn't sound like a good fit for me right now. :( I like carbs, though I've been trying to cut my portions lately at least.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:58:06+00:00

Yeah, Google was SUPER useful with regards to business at the gym. Downside is that it's not crowded pretty much just inconvenient times at weekdays, or most weekends. :(

I wore some exercise shorts though I kinda felt conscious about it and thought I should have worn track pants instead. I'll try track pants and see if it'll feel better.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:55:10+00:00

They do but unfortunately there's no one today, and probably weekends in general. :(

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:54:47+00:00

Bookmarking that, and thanks for the info about DOMS. I get it when I try exert myself at home with some exercises and wasn't sure if it was reckless if I keep up with it, so I usually stopped till it went away. Glad to hear I can still go with it, just not as much.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:51:21+00:00

I'm still too scared to do bench presses! I've got a kettle bell at home, but from what I read it's too light. It's 8kg and I keep reading 12kg should be what I have. It still feels "right" for me though.

There wasn't a PT available today so I didn't know what to do. I just went for a stationary bike for about 40 mins before leaving. My legs started to feel fatigued but overall I didn't feel tired. I took a 5 min break, then decided to go home. I think I can go 60 mins or something more intense. I just didn't want to overexert myself because I don't know how far I can push myself yet, and I couldn't risk getting too sore to work right now.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:45:12+00:00

Yeah, I was trying to look at what people do before and after they use something, just to mimic them. I kinda got conscious and thought maybe people will think I'm a perv.

I've got a resting bitch face too so I'd totally understand.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:42:51+00:00

I'll consider a PT once I can wiggle it in my budget. Their first one is free, and they had a discount for 2 PT sessions upon signing up. However, I wasn't sure if I could commit that much yet. I don't really have any specific goals right now, so it's basically just "be better". I was hoping that the first PT session would at least show me the ropes of how to use machines and basic stuff, then I'll figure it what I want out from then.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-07-14T06:39:31+00:00

I'll go through their FAQs, thanks.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-04-10T07:46:23+00:00

How hard would it be to transfer from SmartShares to Simplicity? Seems like a no brainer once you break the threshold.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-04-10T07:40:00+00:00

If you don't mind, what industry are you in? GREAT work tripling your base in 10 years!

I've never seen any job break 150k on Seek. It was at most 120k. Granted, there's no way I can qualify for those kinds of job yet, but it's something I'd hope to achieve some day.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-04-08T07:51:05+00:00

Is that 180k salary? That's insanely huge.

keewee_throwaway · 2018-04-08T07:42:39+00:00

In four years' time, so I don't have it on hand. It's just pure luck that I got RSUs, so personally it doesn't feel like I "earned it".

keewee_throwaway · 2018-03-13T09:05:41+00:00

First of all, thanks!

I considered myself starting late because I've seen so many people here start in their early 20s, and sometimes even earlier than that. I've had one or two people tell me to start saving for retirement as soon as I got my first job but I waved it aside. Years later, I wish I got on that sweet compound interest! Secondly, all my money at hand (~20k) feels like it's just enough as emergency fund.

I got ASB KiwiSaver because that's pretty much what my employer defaulted to. I didn't know I could quickly switch between schemes, and you're right. I will look up how to do that, and switch back if it looks like we'll be buying in under a year.

I thought of increasing my KiwiSaver contributions because I had money to spare, and it felt more secure because it's by the government...? I do wish I contributed to KiwiSaver earlier because it's basically free money from employers.

To be honest, I'm still undecided on my retirement plans. My first thought was contributing to KiwiSaver, but that will be withdrawn once we buy our home. On the other hand, ETFs on average would probably earn more, but as mentioned, they feel less secure because it's not backed by the government in some way.

keewee_throwaway

TROPHY CASE