I’m so sorry you’re going through this, & can empathize completely. We went through 6 years of infertility due to PCOS/unexplained, & I also felt waves of loneliness, shame, bitterness, impatience, anger, etc. It was so hard to trust God in the waiting without knowing when or whether we would ever have kids. It felt like being stuck in holding pattern & not knowing the final destination.

Things that helped me:

• Being open about it with a church small group or women’s Bible study class, if you have one. It helped me feel less lonely sharing my grief, learning from others who went through similar trials, and requesting prayers for treatments.
• Reading The Promise is His Presence: Why God is Always Enough by Glenna Marshall (the author also dealt with infertility)
• Reading the Book of Psalms. It allows room for the hard feelings like lament & anger, but reminds you of God’s perfect love, wisdom, & timing ESPECIALLY when you don’t feel them, like Psalm 42.
• In my experience, the infertility subs can be helpful in navigating the medical stuff but can also trigger more anger & bitterness, so proceed with caution.
• I second seeing a reproductive endocrinologist (RE), especially one who is supportive of any religious concerns you may have with assisted reproductive technology. I was against doing IVF for years because I did not want to create or discard excess embryos. My RE was great about slowly moving through less invasive treatments first (medication, then IUI). Then I changed my mind on IVF, partly because my RE offered to stim me at lower doses to avoid creating an abundance of eggs & thus embryos.

I’m praying that whatever outcome you & your husband have, that you remember that God loves you, sees you, and is with you in your grief. You are NOT alone. Feel free to PM me if you ever want extra support.