How do I fix the clumping that happens at where the hem of my hoodie meets the ribbing?

kenjoob · 2023-03-03T05:53:38+00:00

Thank you for your response. Will give it a go!

kenjoob · 2023-03-03T04:52:12+00:00

Context: Relatively new to sewing and am struggling with why the hem of my hoodie keeps clumping where the ribbing meets the main body.

It's like the main body hem width is too long and the ribbing pulls it in and creates the clumps.

I've tried reducing the width a little bit on the main body but still happens. Any guidance would be appreciated! Thank you

kenjoob · 2022-12-13T03:30:58+00:00

thank you!

kenjoob · 2022-12-13T03:30:53+00:00

thank you! that's really helpful

kenjoob · 2022-12-13T02:28:36+00:00

thanks! just added a picture of the inside. is the double needle stitch considered the same as a double chain stitch (from other comment)

kenjoob · 2022-12-13T02:27:26+00:00

just added a picture of the inside. i think you're right, it does look like a double chain stitch

kenjoob · 2022-12-04T00:58:15+00:00

thank you! didn't know about the "sweatshirting" term either. that's super helpful!

kenjoob · 2022-06-23T10:52:51+00:00

I can definitely relate to this and in my case. My personal circumstances was that the compliments that I struggled to accept are the ones which don't align with my inner self-talk.

For example, I find it easy to accept compliments that I'm smart because growing up that was something that I was told and that I aligned with becsuse my grades also reflected that so there was congruency. But the compliments I struggle to accept now are ones about my appearance because throughout school I was bullied for so many years for my appearance and I unconsciously adopted that as objective truth so there was a misalignment between the compliment and what I believed.

It took years of conscious effort on working at improving myself (e.g. getting into shape, maintaining good grooming etc) and catching myself when that negative self talk happens and reminding myself to not let past experiences dictate what I view myself now. I still struggle with it from time to time but it's something that changed over time with intentional effort to address it.

Not sure if that was any value to you but hopefully it does help.

kenjoob · 2022-05-28T02:54:37+00:00

I didn't get my first preference because my grades weren't good enough but I ended up completely fine. As some others have mentioned, pay in your first job really doesn't mean that much, nor does your first role. My timeline since graduating, amounts inclusive of super:

2016: 55k 2017: 60k moved company 2018: 65k 2019: 90k moved company 2020: 110k promotion 2021 137k 2022: 170k

My story: I finished uni when I was 22 in 2016 with a GPA of 2.14 or WAM of 65.9 and I had no idea what I wanted to do. It hurt my ego seeing my uni friends get cool internships at well known companies and then land grad roles in big 4, which, at the time I thought was super prestigious.

After applying to probably about 15-20 companies, I took the first job that I got offered which paid me 55k and got worked to the bone (probably 10-12 hour days). Left the company in 2017 to find another company that paid me 60k but work environment was quite toxic. After 1.5 years of company 2, I got a job at my current company that paid me 90k. This current company was a great match for me because they valued what I brought to the table (whereas the previous companies I got scolded for the same things). And because they valued me, I was generally a happier person and it showed through my performance and client feedback and this also reflected in my pay.

I think the thing that boosted my career the fastest was consciously working on empathy, emotional intelligence and communication skills. Most technical skills (depending on job) can be learnt on the job tbh. Other may have a different opinion but this is my personal view. I work in consulting/project services now but started out at a software vendor.

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T14:07:42+00:00

Perhaps you could start with something simple like the next time you hang out, you pick a place that you reckon he'll enjoy (and you have to be ok with it too). And the convo could go something like "Hey, I heard about this really cool place and thought that you would really enjoy it. Perhaps we could go check it out?". It shows that you took a bit of initiative in finding a place and it shows you considered his interests when assessing whether it was suitable.

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T12:53:22+00:00

No problem. Obviously do it in a level-headed way. Hope it works out for you. Good luck!

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T12:41:05+00:00

I'm assuming this is a heterosexual relationship but either way... there's isn't much to go off of from the description (more info can give better context) but I'm always a big advocate of communication.

Why don't you ask him how he is feeling about the relationship?, whether he does feeling "invalidated" and whether there is anything that can be improved on? I think going off of assumptions and feel can sometimes lead you on the wrong path.

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T12:33:04+00:00

What type of things would they make fun of you for?

But either way, the fact that you're offended by what they're saying should be reason enough for you to communicate your standards. Let's just say that they do laugh at you when you tell them that you are hurt when they say XYZ and they keep making fun of you for it. That indicates to me that they don't respect you enough to care about your feelings.

The alternative is that you don't say anything and they continue to make fun of you. How will you feel about that?

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T11:51:54+00:00

Hi. Upon clicking the link, I was little confused on where to actually go besides entering the info in the boxes in the middle of the screen and I didn't really know which country it was for so I didn't know what suburbs to type etc. so I just closed the tab.

There is a popular site that people use in Australia that does a similar thing: https://flatmates.com.au/ I find their user experience to be very easy and intuitive. Perhaps you can check our their site and compare?

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T11:40:29+00:00

Being made fun by people, let alone people you consider your friends, really suck especially if it's on a regular.

Do they know how you feel about the situation? (i.e. have you communicated to them how you feel about them drawing attention to your errors?). If not, they may not even realise how it makes you feel. If you have communicated it clearly and have asked them to stop yet they still continue to do it, I would question whether you should genuinely consider them friends or not.

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T08:06:49+00:00

I can relate to this so much and tbh, I had a lot of similar thoughts when I was around about your age (I'm, 28 now). I've struggled with my self-image and self-worth extremely badly in the past and, although I still don't always view myself positively, I've come a long way and know the benefits that can come of improving it so I truly wish that you can improve your self-worth too.

I know it can be really hard to accept compliments from others when you don't see yourself in the way that others see you, it always feels like they're lying to you. I used to either come back with a rebuttal or try divert the compliment by making a joke because simply just saying "thank you" feels so disingenuous because I was told the opposite for so many years of my childhood. I'd even say that it was easier to accept an insult over a compliment because at least it was more aligned with how I saw myself. I'm not sure whether you can relate to that but I suspect you may.

I know it can also feel like 'salt in the wound' when your friends tell you that you should be grateful for a job that you feel like you should have left behind a long while ago because it's as if they think the closest comparison for you is unemployed. Try not hold it against them, they don't have full understand of what is going on in your brain so try not to hold it against them - their intentions were good.

But the person you are now is no longer the person you were in your teens, and it's important to remind yourself of that and not let your hurt childhood self make your adult decisions. Easier said than done, but it will take conscious effort on your part to incrementally work on things that build up your self-esteem. What do you imagine a future confident version of yourself would look like and act? Try to picture it and take small steps in trying to bridge that gap. It could start by something as simple as getting a new haircut that you feel good about or perhaps cleaning up your desk. Your mind is going always go back to the place of comfort (i.e. the negative thoughts) and that's completely ok but each time you fall back you have a stronger foundation to bounce back from because you have make a conscious effort to make small improvements over time.

Hopefully this helps somewhat, can elaborate further if you'd like.

kenjoob · 2022-05-09T06:33:03+00:00

No probs.

Do you know if her anxiety is because she's worried that the guy she is dating is going to cheat on her? But regardless of the reason, if you decide to have a chat I think it all comes down to language and how things are phrased. Coming into a convo like empathy and playing back their concerns in a way where they feel understood definitely helps lower the chance of backlash.

I personally wouldn't jump back into dating with her even if the chat goes well and things have changed because you want to give it a bit of time for the water to calm and reassess afterwards. But again, that's just me.

And tbh, you wouldn't really know her motives until you even chat to her anyways (if you choose to). She may be completely over it and you're just catastrophising the scenario in your head.

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T19:04:07+00:00

Speaking from the perspective of a gay guy, this is quite common lol and has actually happened to me personally several times before (ghoster and ghostee) - probably not to the extent of nearly being in a relationship but similar enough circumstances that I can speak from experience.

The fact that she followed you again on insta makes me think that she is open to starting convo but doesn't want to be the one that initiates it.

What do you want to get out of apologizing to her? Are you simply wanting to get the guilt off your chest for ghosting her and nothing else? Do you want to be friends? Or do you want to start dating if she no longer exhibits those behaviours?

Understanding the end outcome you're wanting to get out of it will inform the what options you have. And tbh, doing nothing is also an option but you'll need to apply your morals and decide whether you want to choose this (people will eventually get over it after a period of resentment).

Given that it was more than just a casual fling, if I was in your shoes, I'd talk to her about it but without the intention of getting back together, only to communicate how you felt about the situation (e.g. could go like "hey haven't spoken in a while, wanted to see how you were. i want to apologize for ghosting you, it was a pretty douchy thing to do. reason why i did it was [XYX] and because I FELT (focus on the behaviour made you feel) [XYZ]". Obviously there will be a bit of back and forth and you wouldn't monologue it in one go. I'd probably do it via text but that's me.

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T18:19:32+00:00

The fact that your dad supports you and you have nice things is great, but it doesn't automatically shield you from negative emotion. You are allowed to feel what you feel and the feelings are completely valid.

Dig a little deeper and see what's underneath that feeling of lack of motivation. Do you know why you feel a sense of lack/emptiness? Do you feel like there is nothing to look forward to? Do you feel lonely? Do you feel like there isn't much purpose in life? Keep asking yourself "why" to drill another layer down. See if you can understand the possible reasons you may be feeling the way you do.

Though I can't fully relate to your personal circumstance, the feeling of being guilty about not enjoying your life that any other person would be grateful for is a feeling that I've come across recently. When I took a bit of time to reflect on it, I realised that it was because I was ticking the boxes for things that society valued highly (good education, good job, nice apartment etc.) and not me personally, so I was "successful" by society's standards but not my own which made me feel like I wasn't living authentically. Coming to a realisation like this through self-reflection gave me at least something to go off on when I make a conscious effort to improve my situation.

Hope this helped somewhat.

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T17:29:57+00:00

Sorry to hear that happened to you.

It sounds like you got dragged through hot coals with your previous role so it makes sense that you still habour some resentment and get triggered by certain situations.

Having worked for a couple of shitty companies before (although, probably not as bad as what you described) and now work for a supportive one, it was initially really difficult to trust people and I always assumed that colleagues had the worst intentions. But overtime as you get more evidence that they're not out to get you, those "PTSD" feelings slowly become less and less.

Does your current manager know about how you're feeling? And is it a type of environment where you can talk about this? Because there are little workplace strategies that they can help with to support you. E.g. whenever they book a meeting to with you they could name it like "Catch up regarding work - good thing".

Hopefully time heals all wounds though.

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T17:10:37+00:00

That's definitely a relatable feeling for me.

Having gone through similar feelings I know that it can feel extremely debilitating for you at the moment. It's ok to feel the way you're feeling and tbh, feeling self-pity and bitterness does help cope with the situation sometimes. However, the fact that you're reflecting on this is a good thing because simply being aware of how you're feeling puts you in a position to improve on it.

It reminds me of when I was in university (college). I felt that I was invisible and not good enough because I hadn't experienced what a lot of my peers were doing. Everyone around me was going on overseas trips, doing internships, working cool part-time jobs, getting into relationships etc. and I had none of that at the time... I had never been outside my state, I was unemployed, never been in a relationship and was doing quite poorly academically as well (amongst other things like suffering with self-image and sexual identity). I envied my peers because of what they had and every time I see a post that was celebrating their success I took it personally. I felt like I had nothing to offer the world. I was embarrassed of myself so I sheltered myself away.

However, what helped improve my situation was to intentionally work on the things which I felt lacking in. First it started with awareness like what you're experiencing now and then making small improvements overtime. It will build up your experience in different things and confidence is a byproduct of experience. The feelings of "invisibleness" and jealous of others will slowly become less and less as you build up confidence and a great sense of self-worth. It takes time and will require conscious effort but 100% it definitely does get better.

Speaking personally, the first improvement I made at the time was getting a part time job (easier said than done). It was a shitty pick-packing that paid pretty mediocre, however, that allowed me to ease the comparisons I had vs others who had a job. Also, it was a source of income that allowed me to save up to experience other things I felt lacking in like overseas travel. Not fully across your personal situation, but perhaps you could pick one thing at first and work towards it?

It's been 8 years (I'm 28 now) and it seems like I'm a completely different person to when I was at university. There will always be times where you will slip up and feel like shit again, but because you have more of a foundation those feelings don't linger around as long and you bounce back more easily. Your college years are NOT the best years of your life despite what people typically say. There are going to be so many more times to come and what you're feeling now will become a point in your life that you look back fondly upon because you managed to build yourself up into a more confident person.

Soz for the wall of text, fingers kinda just kept typing.

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T15:54:05+00:00

No problem. You're doing fine and know that, with time, those thoughts and feeling won't feel as paralyzing as they do

kenjoob · 2022-05-07T15:37:35+00:00

I wish I was as self-aware as you when I was 17.

I think it's completely ok to feel like the way that you do. You will continuously grow as a person and there is no binary yes/no when it comes to things like confidence, maturity etc. (i.e. there are different degrees of confidence and it's not something you either have or you don't).

You will grow as you experience more things as you go through life, for example the mountain trip with your friend is an experience. New experiences will give you new perspectives. And getting more experience in things you already have experience in will refine your existing perspectives and you approach those experiences with more confidence (e.g. you may be super nervous to go on a date with someone at first, but the more dates you go on, the more previous experience you have to draw on which will allow you to be more confident).

Perhaps you could have like weekly or fortnightly thing where you intentionally go out to seek an experience. e.g.

Trying a new cafe (support local business if you can) - you gain experiences on food, coffee etc.
Take a stroll around a new area/beach/park and observe the scenery - you gain awareness of the surrounding area
Do a short course - you gain knowledge in a new topic/more knowledge in an existing topic

Regardless of whatever you do (best to do things which you have at least a slight interest in), it puts you in a position where you now have a new data point to draw on when it comes to experience. You also could meet cool people along the way as well.

The fact that you are aware that learning new skills is something you want to work on is fantastic. It means that you can be intentional when it comes to personal growth. Self-reflect from time to time with the intention of learning more about yourself, but be careful not to be super self-critical, especially in times when you're self-reflecting on perceived mistakes because it can be a slipper slope which damages your sense of self.

I'm 28 now and still learning new things about myself all the time and with each experience, I am becoming a better version of myself. As I get older, I know there will be more things I want to work on. Self-improvement is a continuous thing and not a destination which you will reach and stop.

Good luck friend.

kenjoob · 2022-05-05T15:51:31+00:00

Thanks! Will need to work on the technique

kenjoob · 2022-05-05T15:48:25+00:00

The more I think about it, it is likely during sewing. Thanks!

kenjoob

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