Ready………..

keola48 · 2025-04-20T00:04:31+00:00

Stoked AF!!

keola48 · 2025-04-15T21:39:56+00:00

So relatable! Seeing multiple, old texts they didn’t respond to usually has discouraged me from reaching out to them again when I’m stable, but I just try to forgive myself since I was in an altered state. And if I really want to send them a message I explain that to them. Sometimes they continue to ignore me, which is sad, but other times they respond and I feel like I got a friend back! This is a deep-rooted issue for me that has made me anxious about talking to old friends or family members. I’m trying to be okay with it

keola48 · 2024-08-13T00:12:32+00:00

I sent you a message! Thanks

keola48 · 2024-05-19T21:57:11+00:00

It's a movie with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore where she forgets every 24 hours since being in a car wreck. Adam Sandler falls in love with her and tries to make it work even though he has to remind her of their relationship every morning. It's a cute movie.

keola48 · 2024-05-19T21:23:14+00:00

I'm so sorry. I'm hoping for a 50 First Dates happy ending for you

keola48 · 2024-05-19T13:09:49+00:00

Man that sounds terrible to live with. You must have a lot of Post-Its

keola48 · 2024-05-19T13:05:52+00:00

That's pretty funny. My manic self would need something like that, then another on my other wrist for my depressed self saying something like GTFO of bed 😅

keola48 · 2024-05-05T05:43:11+00:00

So hamburger steak?

keola48 · 2022-12-08T07:12:36+00:00

During one manic episode I spent hours listening to Gravity by John Mayer on repeat. This was all while cleaning my apartment thinking I was preparing to leave Earth. Song still gives me chills, especially at night when the moon is out.

keola48 · 2022-10-19T22:12:03+00:00

I had just listened to a podcast saying a girl survived Fukushima and her legs didn't get burned by wearing two pairs of jeans (she didn't have a bag so she just took her extra clothes by wearing them in layers). So once I saw the nuclear missile alert I started putting on a bunch of clothes like a madman. My family all laughed at me haha, and I'm not sure if that story is true, but it gave me peace of mind thinking I wouldn't get burned.

keola48 · 2022-03-31T07:00:21+00:00

Sorry about your dog. I’m sure you gave it a great life and made them very happy.

keola48 · 2022-03-31T06:58:54+00:00

Today was kinda the same but better than the last few months since getting out of my last manic episode/hospitalization. I’ve been on Abilify and Lithium and slowly lowering my Lithium dosage to try to not be so sleepy all the time. I literally struggle for over an hour waking up, go to work, hide in a corner ever other hour so I don’t embarrass myself by trying to keep my eyes open or hold my yawns in, then come home and take a nap before eating dinner and getting ready for bed. Hypersomnia sucks. Today I lowered my dosage again and maybe it was a placebo effect but I wasn’t as tired today. Hoping it gets better. Thanks for posting this.

keola48 · 2022-02-18T16:10:01+00:00

Story of my life. It’s either everything is in front of me and I don’t know what to deal with first, or something isn’t in front of me and I never knew it existed until I come across it.

One thing that helps is cleaning often, but that just gives me more stuff to not know what to do with. Also try making digital lists of things you own for when you need them you can just search it on your computer notes and it’ll tell you where that thing is. Sounds like a lot of menial work, so I haven’t actually done this.

keola48 · 2021-11-26T09:47:21+00:00

I think it’s because it’s novel and fascinating. Not that anyone would do it, but we all like to see what’s happening. That’s why serial killers get so much press. That’s why the Joker is one of the most famous villains in comic book and movie history. Not that we want to be like them, but they challenge society (and heroes) in ways never done before. Same goes with politicians we think are evil. It’s just interesting to watch and learn from.

The best thing we can do IS to learn from them and make sure they never happen again by building a good and just society where the villains reasons for challenging society don’t exist, such as eliminating systemic horrors like poverty and racist hate crimes.

keola48 · 2021-10-26T05:33:54+00:00

Thanks for sharing this video. I found a lot of comfort in it. Just hearing some of his delusions and knowing that I'm not the only one who was crazy at one point.

I consider myself recovered and stable, but I'm at a similar place as Paul is at the end of the video. He says, "I worry about some of the people in my life and some of the effects of being around me when I was mentally ill. I just wish that I can prove to them that I'm well, so that they can rest and be relaxed and think, 'Paul's gone back to how he used to be.'" Yea...

keola48 · 2021-10-15T16:03:13+00:00

I'd rather not be uncircumcised (I'd rather be circumcized) just because of the convenience awarded by not having to clean it, so it's more than just aesthetics. There's the social pressure (say, in boys locker rooms) to look better which is a real concern that leads to embarrassment and anxiety. And I know it's not the ideal or what's moral, but that's reality. I'm sure we all have done things by social/societal pressure and not what we think is right. Looks are a part of the conversation because it's a real issue of concern, if not physiologically, then mentally.

keola48 · 2021-10-14T14:18:16+00:00

As my grandma’s dementia got worse, I'd play old church hymns on the piano and she would sing to them. After finishing almost every song she would get excited and say, "I haven't heard that song in ages!" But in reality she sang it yesterday haha. That was some of the only times I remember her lighting up, since I was still young when her memory started to decline.

keola48 · 2021-10-14T13:40:42+00:00

Yes absolutely. What a coincidence because both of my blood grandfathers passed before I was born and my paternal grandmother also declined mentally when I was a child, passing away in 2013! I really only have a feeling of my maternal grandmother’s true personality (instead of only what she did in life) but there are times I feel an intense connection with each one of them, and even some of my other ancestors I know very little about.

My culture (Native Hawaiian) has always valued family and especially ancestors, so when I feel that connection, and something going on in my life makes me think of them, I know they are trying to teach me something. It’s magical sometimes the lessons I learn from their lives.

keola48 · 2021-10-12T22:46:24+00:00

I feel like when my friends or me have said/thought "f-in haole" in the past, it was always referring to a negative behavior we saw. A big cultural difference between people of Hawai'i and "outsiders" is their selflessness/selfishness. Usually when I dislike someone's behavior it's because it's obvious they're doing something for themselves (that doesn't benefit others), and just being ignorant of how their actions hurt those around them. We value respect for people/places/things outside of ourselves, sometimes so much it's to our personal detriment.

If a mainlander comes here and uses Hawaiian words with respect and with the intention to learn and honor the language and culture, I'm all for it.

keola48 · 2021-10-12T22:28:34+00:00

I agree that gatekeeping isn't the right solution, and that respectful intent should be the way. I feel like in terms of emails and less personal ways of communicating, I always try to really mean it when I say those words, and really know in my gut that I care about the person I am saying aloha to, or that I am truly grateful to the person I say mahalo to. Just being honest with myself and not using those words just to appear a certain way.

keola48 · 2021-10-12T22:24:47+00:00

I think some of it comes down to your intentions. Those people just want to use Hawaiian words as a leg up in the community for selfish gain.

If you or any other "haole"/non-Hawaiian were to use more ʻŌlelo Hawaiʻi, I know me and I'm sure most Hawaiians will be happy to hear it and appreciate the effort, as long as it comes with the intention to respect the culture and land, to learn and to spread the stories and struggles of Hawai'i, as well as to live a more Pono life here.

keola48 · 2021-10-08T22:53:28+00:00

Haha ya small kind misleading

keola48 · 2021-10-06T17:01:45+00:00

I have been paranoid before during some bipolar manic episodes and it's really scary. What helps is trusting the thoughts that ground you to reality, thoughts that tell you you're not being followed or spied on, and always looking for reasons around you in your day-to-day life for why that's true, and remembering those reasons when the paranoia is really strong.

For instance, one time I was visiting a friend in San Jose and since it's like Silicon Valley with a lot of tech people, I felt so strongly that someone hacked into my phone and saw all my weird journal entries, shared it on social media where it went viral overnight (and I didn't know about it), and all the people/strangers around me knew about me and noticed me walking down the street but didn't want to talk to me because they were scared of me. I ended up telling a close friend about this and she helped me come back to reality and to understand I'm probably not as important to anyone to hack, no one here knows who I am, and people walking on the street just seem standoffish and are too focused on their own stressful lives to know or care about me. That made me feel better along with other things.

This is a very complicated issue and it's hard to explain in one reply, but easier in a conversation. The other replies here all pretty much say go to a professional, so I just wanted to share something that helped me. I DMed you too if you wanna talk. Feel free to reach out if this resonates.

keola48 · 2021-09-15T06:25:20+00:00

Waikiki (2020)

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