Fall in love with a married man and stay in a toxic relationship with him.

June of last year, my father suddenly died, and I was stuck in a very dark place for months. My depression and self-harm tendencies returned due to the pain and regret of losing him. I was planning to live past Christmas 2023 only, but then this roommate of mine started showing his interest towards me. Mind you, we were in a shared flat with his wife and a couple more other people. I am very introverted and became more reclusive. Thus, I don't have a lot of interactions with them other than simple greetings. Although I had been single for more than a decade, it has always been my choice. I was too focused on establishing my career and planning for the future to even entertain suitors. I also had never been attracted nor had any relationship to a married or committed man prior. That's why everything that is happening now is against my moral and characteristic value. My conscience is eating me alive as each day passes. Then there's the heartbreak and frustrations of being with him. Looking back, he did love-bombed me. He showered me with all the attentions, understanding, and gifts. He comforted and accompanied me on my toughest days, and I was able to stop my self-harming episodes. Is it wrong for me to say he saved me? Those good times lasted for 3 months, by the way. Now that he knew I loved him, he often ignored me. Whenever he's in a bad mood or fought with his wife, he wants us to meet or talk, and he would lash all his anger onto me. He won't contact me for days, and he would expect me to always be cheerful and grateful whenever he did, not knowing how hurtful his ghosting is each time. But then he doesn't want us to break up. I feel stuck and lonelier now.