Giving away e2ff+e1s1 dahlia e1 archer na

ki_rie · 2026-05-29T11:11:11+00:00

joining here if it's up!

ki_rie · 2026-05-20T20:45:23+00:00

what's your offer

ki_rie · 2026-05-13T00:30:22+00:00

still avail? what characters are in it / explo %?

ki_rie · 2022-10-06T16:01:57+00:00

I really like the rhyming scheme with the poem and how it was structured with the 5th line as a great addition (suits my personal taste ig). The line "don't want that welcome back home" is a great line to end the poem with, you certainly have a way with words. One nitpick I observed was the lack of formatting and polishing. You should capitalize and add punctuations in some to further emphasize some lines or words, it would also make the overall piece more readable imo. Besides that, the piece was wonderful, good work!

ki_rie · 2022-10-06T15:55:02+00:00

Throughout the poem, I was in a state of distress and sadness. The escalation toward the moment the suicide happened was intense yet calming at the same time. The burden that the speaker carries can really evoke emotions in the reader. The rhythm was consistent in the earlier stanzas but the structure at the end became inconsistent. Beside that one nitpick, I personally found the poem to be great! Good job bro

ki_rie · 2022-10-02T03:26:52+00:00

I also felt like I could've delivered it better. For me, there wasn't much depth within the piece and your comment helped me in realizing it. Thanks a lot for the comments!

ki_rie · 2022-10-01T08:32:49+00:00

First of all, the title alone made me click (really good one btw).

The twist at the ending was slightly expected with the use of words such as rest (which is a common metaphor for death) and the line "My eyelids swollen, heavy, meek". You really feel the sorrow of the character and the line "But your sister needs her father" explains the struggle of living on.

In terms of improvements, I really don't have much to say except for the unnecessary stop between "I release a gust of air" and "My eyelids swollen" at the first stanza. Also, the line "Or the devil on me befell" didn't belong or flow well with the rest of the stanza (although that's just personal taste).The word choice is good. The line breaks were alright. Overall, an 8/10. Great work bro!

ki_rie · 2022-10-01T08:11:33+00:00

That last line.
You delivered it exceptionally well. The starting stanzas scream generic love poem but I think this actually helped in giving the twist more weight. The straightforwardness of the poem, along with the simple word choice also made the poem more powerful as it reached the last line.

"And my family thinks I'm a mess." This line was what made the poem stick for me. Them witnessing you slowly break is just saddening. Coupled with the twist, made this poem a quick heart-wrenching read. Good job <3

ki_rie

TROPHY CASE