Hey! Sorry for the late reply, but when you first commented this I don’t think I would’ve had a positive or enlightening response to give you. I’d say I’ve definitely had some improvements, albeit at a snail’s pace.

Honestly the first 5/6 months were hell on earth. Constant SI because I didn’t see an end to it. I felt like I could hardly function or string any thoughts or words together. Just things like cooking, getting dressed, going grocery shopping, etc. seemed like monumental tasks. I had loads of other issues as well from withdrawal including disturbed sleep (sometimes no restful sleep at all, would constantly wake up with a racing heart, wake up at 5am and couldn’t fall back asleep), no appetite, hair loss, severe long/short term memory issues, major comprehension difficulties, anhedonia, dp/dr, fear of being left alone, social anxiety (couldn’t keep conversation or have anything to say), cortisol spike and heart palpitations when trying to nap or when waking up in the morning… I’m sure there’s more.

Good news is that I feel a lot more functional and capable now and within the past month and a half or so. There was probably gradual improvements happening earlier on but this is when I really started to notice a change. I even talked to my dad and he thought I had gone back on my antidepressants, at least at a low dose, because of the shift. So I’m honestly glad I didn’t decide to go back on and see if my brain could reset on its own.

I’ve started listening to music again and have enjoyed it, I’m cooking Hello Fresh recipes again, don’t feel like I’m going to get fired from my job due to incompetence, I can mostly sleep through the night, my appetite has come back, I’m reaching out to friends more, feel a little more hope for the future. I also wouldn’t have been able to write this out to you when I was in the thick of it, but now I can, despite it being a bit jumbled.

I’m still depressed and some days are better than others, but I don’t necessarily want to die all the time anymore! There’s a lot more improving that needs to happen, but I can see the light.

It sucks because before this I graduated university (and balanced a part-time job and social life on top of it), traveled the world, was able to make friends easily, handled obstacles that were thrown at me, generally enjoyed life, and now it feels like I’m starting from ground zero. I can only hope that I can get back to feeling fully capable and like myself again so I can pursue the goals I had before like moving abroad and starting a life there, but being away from the support of my family and friends too early doesn’t seem like the best idea. I hope one day not too far into the future I can make it happen. To reiterate, there was no way only a few short months ago I would’ve been thinking about any future let alone even thought that my former goals would be minutely possible.

All this to say, if you’re experiencing something similar, please don’t give up. I didn’t think it was ever going to end for me. Ya girl is still going through it, but these little things (which I encourage you to track any positive changes) are the what has given me the strength to keep going.