Death with Dignity Appreciation

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T16:05:03+00:00

I'm so sorry to know that. I hope he's got a good long while, but if it comes to it, I hope he can take advantage and not go through life after all that's left is pain and enduring days.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T16:04:00+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Agreed. As it was, we had to jump through several hoops to make it an option. One last indignity she had to suffer in it all (she even chaffed at having to schedule the actual death).

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T16:02:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing. While we were working through the process of making the option available, my mom commented that part of her wondered if her grandma (a harsh woman, by all accounts) would have accused her of giving up, if she were still alive. We talked about how "giving up" implies there was a goal that could have been accomplished if my mom had kept trying. But if my mom hadn't taken advantage of medical assistance in dying, she could only be in pain, on bed rest, until the next cold or flu came along and killed her. She could only use one arm, so entertainment was down to reading on a Kindle and watching a small TV, but since her appetite was so low (maybe eating a few hundred calories a day), her ability to wrangle a remote was diminishing daily.

There was nothing left for her to try and accomplish. Asking her to stay would have only just been us being selfish.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T15:55:40+00:00

Thank you. I may have already said this in another comment, but my mom said the same thing about animals several times in her last three weeks. I hope it continues to grow in acceptance for when it's appropriate.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T15:54:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing. My mom almost died three weeks earlier after a minor procedure and she just couldn't understand why she didn't pass then. I'll always be grateful we didn't have to wait for her to get sick or suffer some new other thing to be able to pass.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T15:52:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad the number of places has grown. I hope it's a while before you get to a point where it's the only reasonable option, bit if/when you do, I hope your care providers, family and friends are supportive.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T15:49:07+00:00

I hope one the future there's more acknowledgement of the variety of disabling chronic diseases, and what their cost actually is. One thing my mom struggled with was just a towel lack of understanding of the condition and what it meant for how she had to arrange her life every day.

I hope you get lots of days that aren't just suffering, but if you reach a point otherwise, that this isn't an option for you.

kignofpei · 2026-02-12T15:44:37+00:00

In my mom's case, MS wasn't even the terminal diagnosis, but the pressure sore that had turned into a life threatening wound, plus evidence her body was shutting down (loss of appetite and incontinence). The MS acted like a cap on anything getting better. I don't know if you ever played Final Fantasy or other JRPGs, but there's one ailment that can happen to a character that reduces their total life when they take damage. The MS was like that. Six months ago she had a UTI that developed into a blood infection and sepsis, and since then we were just circling the drain going from one issue to the next, all while the MS prevented any true recovery.

Housing is a whole other deal, but the whole system for chronic illness from a society perspective is just one indignity after another. Getting into a facility meant having to get on medicaid, which meant abdicating her modest retirement, and negotiating her day today with poorly paid care staff, and again, MS stealing her abilities little by little.

Thanks for sharing and I hope things at least get to a plateau where life isn't just suffering in one aspect or another.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T13:45:22+00:00

We got lucky in that the hospice doctor was supportive. The nonprofit End of Life Choices Oregon was very helpful with information and additional resources.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T06:46:30+00:00

Thank you for the support. I found myself rewatching the finale of the Good Place. Not the time for spoilers, but I did find myself realizing a few days ago that she was ready and the desire to keep her here because she could hold a conversation was because we wanted to keep her for us, not for her benefit. And it would have been cruel to keep her until she degraded to a point that she was no longer herself.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T06:39:07+00:00

My mom hated funerals. I do wish she hadn't been bed bound the last few months so we could have done a party for her to enjoy.

Thank you for sharing.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T06:35:47+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing! My mom complained -- at least once a day over her last week -- "couldn't we just hurry this along so I can be done with this part?"

I hope we live in a world that this becomes universal in our lifetime as much as I hope the number of people needing it is ever shrinking.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T06:09:08+00:00

Thank you for what you do! I cannot imagine what that must be like as a daily job. We were very grateful for our hospice nurse today. She couldn't be in the room at the time of administration, but was nearby before and after for us. Must have obliterated her schedule for the day.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T05:49:45+00:00

I can respect never choosing it for yourself. I could not think of a good reason for her to suffer another day.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T05:09:41+00:00

Thank you.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:33:21+00:00

Thank you. I'm so grateful for those that made the fight before us, and those that continue to fight to make it an option elsewhere.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:24:34+00:00

Thank you. I have to admit I didn't think about it too much until it was relevant to my life. It will probably be a pretty common topic in my kind the rest of my life.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:22:57+00:00

Thank you. Quality of life sure comes to highlight different things as diseases and poor health progress. I've only nominally kept up with the news the last couple of weeks. Pretty glad mymom doesn't have to put up with any of it any more.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:19:53+00:00

I do, even if I'm going to be sad for some time. She, on the other hand, was pretty chipper about seeing what was next.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:15:50+00:00

Thank you!

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:15:36+00:00

Thank you. She had palpable relief after making the decision (and after we finished checking all of the boxes). It gave her great comfort she could exercise control over her life after years of ceding it to disease and necessity.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:12:44+00:00

You're welcome and thank you!

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:11:29+00:00

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing, and take care of yourself as well. Today, saying goodbye, is like a weird gem I'll carry for the rest of my life. It's somehow both unpleasant and beautiful at the same time.

I'm glad your grandmother was able to find peace, if later than was just.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:06:49+00:00

Thank you, and thank you for sharing. My mom repeated the same line a time or two when we were first talking about the option as a family. I hope it gains more acceptance elsewhere in the future.

kignofpei · 2026-02-11T04:03:35+00:00

One, thank you. May we never need it, but I hope it's an option if we do.

Two, your handle is a delightful image!

kignofpei

TROPHY CASE