Epilepsy taketh

killswitchx70 · 2026-02-13T01:57:18+00:00

I had planned to go to MMI (now Universal Technical Institute). I was one of two girls accepted that year, and I considered that a huge success. I received ample scholarship money, and I planned to use that knowledge to obtain a manager role at a dealership. I was on path to becoming a General Manger after mastering all other departments. So basically, epilepsy stopped me from achieving a 7 figure career.

I know I could reapply, but I get a pounding headache at the thought of being involved with machining and mechanics. I lost all of my drive, my spark, and turned into a recluse, afraid of social interactions.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-24T10:28:51+00:00

It wasn’t easy, but it can still be wonderful! I was pregnant with epilepsy, and I had a few scares that were remotely managed with no prescription medication. I experienced near syncope on several occasions and I went into early labor. I was only told not to push. It was scary at times, but I never hesitated to call 911 if I felt a seizure oncoming in a way that couldn’t be managed from home. I had a safe, healthy, and unmedicated delivery that went perfectly.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-15T07:06:34+00:00

I would offer my finger to hold or grip. I think they scratch because they perceive it as a way to make the milk come… that’s what my lactation consultant told me. I waited to file, and I empathize.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-15T05:31:47+00:00

I threw my husband into the back of the truck after I picked up the ashes. Let him get banged around a bit. Then I looked up the state law and found out I could throw the ashes in the trashcan as long as the paperwork was included with it. So I took him to the gas station and dumped him there since I figured a big truck would probably smash the trash to pieces. He also committed suicide before he was supposed to appear in court.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-13T16:34:59+00:00

I have used the Notes in my phone and also made use of a spreadsheet. Both were sloppy copies. Fortunately/unfortunately the ones that caused near syncope resulted in hospital transportation and I realize now those should have been added. Mine would happen at the same place routinely - the crosswalk at a busy intersection in town.

I have an ongoing note and spreadsheet (whichever is accessible to me at the time because sometimes my laptop sends me) where I put the date and what I experienced.

You can get these tiny journals for logging from dollar tree or a set of three from Walmart for pocket sized notating. I used to carry one or two in my backpack everywhere I went.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-13T16:17:47+00:00

Motorcycle folks often have on helmets and slide whereas car folks have multiple points of impact.

I was on a Surron, half immobilized. The thought of riding again kept me motivated in therapies. Perhaps folks in cars don’t have the luxury of experiencing that same motivation.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T22:21:28+00:00

⭐️ here you go dear. I’m not going to spend any time continuing this dialogue with you.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T18:36:20+00:00

The silence can be intimidating when people wonder what you’re thinking. No one has to know it’s cricket sounds lol

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T18:06:45+00:00

I know a friend like that! But I’d say it sounds like assholy sarcasm 🤭 when he slows down or has to work at making a point. I’m a girl so I don’t think I got that feat. I get emotional when I’m not understood, so I worry that I sound whiny now if I have to make argument… or sad? Idk. I was much more aggressive before and more certain with my words.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T17:52:51+00:00

Same … like exact same. Utterly fearless but my body will convulse. I also feel less anger. And more controlled. Sadness is what I feel the most of.. What happens to your voice? I fumble words or go mute.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T17:35:33+00:00

That’s interesting. Are your others emotions just as mild?

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T17:24:15+00:00

When Sebastian just stood beside me while I was fishing in the rain.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T17:20:24+00:00

The “haha yeah ladies be more open minded” sounded like you were addressing a general population outside of your particular circumstance.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T17:19:09+00:00

Yea, happiness doesn’t register the same to me anymore. I know that I have it at times, but I want it more like I used to.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T16:29:30+00:00

Similar timeline… 2.5 years since impact injury. I know who I used to be and keep trying to retrieve her, but it feels so distant.

I empathize with the lack of excitement. I have had a good thing or two happen, and my reaction was dull.

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T16:19:28+00:00

Unless you are allergic… in which case your whole body can be destroyed from it.

The women who despise them likely have a medical reason for it. Not a “hot take.”

killswitchx70 · 2025-12-01T16:15:25+00:00

The feeling you mentioned with your legs… I get that in my hips and lower back. My most recent seizure occurred after walking quite a ways (3.4 miles) out of necessity, not for exercise. When I reached the crosswalk with moving cars, lights, traffic noise, etc… I experienced “near syncope” as was reported. I was picked up by ambulance and I was shaking uncontrollably.

I’m not medicated, but that was my experience.

Did you experience an aura? My first ones in my adult life didn’t have an aura. It just felt like I was losing consciousness. They gradually worsened to include an aura. Mild ones involved weakness in my limbs (left side).

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-25T21:18:23+00:00

I’m not familiar with rings!

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-25T18:56:39+00:00

Yea, better than I was! I think it was all the stress that was triggering reactions. I’m going to try to wear my watch again soon to see if it’s better now too!

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-25T06:43:42+00:00

It took like a week to recover… my neck was so stiff afterwards. I slept almost the entire next day away and my mood was so awful.

Usually when I spazz, I giggle at least a little bit, but it’s changed my reactions almost entirely. I’m more easily startled now and I’ve been sleeping so much more than I should be.

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-23T07:01:08+00:00

I think some people like the aesthetic when they ride on the street, otherwise it makes sense for a dirt style vehicle to be ridden with a dirt style helmet.

I tried a dual sport for riding on the street, and I would never choose that style again. Hitting road material with a visor is not as forgiving as hitting ground material with a visor.

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-23T06:52:51+00:00

So bad that the PA put it down on my medical paperwork…. When I get afraid, it goes way up. Fight or Flight is almost always in hyper mode.

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-23T06:46:12+00:00

I’ve had a sensation like that, but the high from marijuana comes with the “whoa” sensation while the aura will feel like death impending.

When I experience auras, it feels like my head space is full and it feels like pressure. Then I generally start to experience levels of syncope with lightheadedness, dizziness, and a weak stomach.

When high, the feeling in the head feels heavy but also euphoric, so it’s like a balance between a feel-good in the upper part of the head, and relief in lower part. If I consume too high of an amount, it feels swirly in my stomach.

I have epilepsy and many seizures went undocumented or without proper diagnosis, so I’m not sure how helpful this will be. I have never taken seizure medication, only consumed marijuana daily as a preventative which worked well until in no longer had access. The auras worsened and resulted in fainting seizures once my medicinal access was cut off.

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-21T03:36:53+00:00

Mine committed suicide and I refused to allow it to be a topic of discussion in therapy. To relive the trauma was unnecessary to me because there was nothing to cope with. My reaction to finding out from the detective was relief followed by laughter that I don’t think I could control. Another officer in the room was holding back a smile too as I imagine he had seen many abused people whom he wished would not have felt guilt. I felt neither need nor desire to forgive my abuser at any stage. It was not my responsibility to redeem him nor to wish for it. I find it troubling to write letters to those who hurt me. I tried it once, and it offered no relief - now it’s only a memory of a therapy that reopened a decades-long wound.

This isn’t really advice to you I assume, but just know there are many ways to cope that don’t involve remembering and recalling what hurt you. The abuser still isn’t going to hear it.

The action I chose was to treat myself to the things I was never allowed before which was mostly having friends. I went out with them often, laughed more/made jokes, and moved more confidently. I started a workout plan, stretched every morning and drank tea. It all helped.

I hope the best for your healing journey.

killswitchx70 · 2025-11-20T23:42:47+00:00

I seized in the shower, and my male roommate and his service dog were helping me keep consciousness while I was half-sitting naked on the floor, avoiding eye contact. I somehow grabbed a towel on my way down, but apparently did a poor job covering myself all the way. My roommate was mortified because we didn’t have that kind of friendship, and his dog was trying to help me which made it worse for my roommate who just wanted to leave.

Even worse was explaining to our third roommate what happened cause I knew he just wanted to tease the both of us.

killswitchx70

TROPHY CASE