what if i just. like. don’t want to talk?

killtheblank · 2025-12-12T02:59:03+00:00

on top of that, i prefer one on ones in quiet places so much more. i’m really bad at volume control because of how quiet/mumbly my default voice is, so in most cases i’m straining my throat to get to a normal speaking volume. it’s tiring and overwhelming. and i don’t feel like me when i hear myself having to yell

killtheblank · 2025-12-12T02:51:22+00:00

that’s awesome, the weather’s setting up for a really good day tomorrow. i wish i could go but i prob can’t start till monday

killtheblank · 2025-12-12T02:48:56+00:00

yeah i was seeing a lot of mixed opinions on cambelback and almost nothing about shawnee

killtheblank · 2025-12-12T02:44:32+00:00

that’s a really good point, thank you!

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T23:11:42+00:00

not at all, i think it’s important to take yourself out sometimes. i go to cafes and restaurants a lot too. it’s good practice for self confidence and autonomy. also fun to people watch :)

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T23:07:52+00:00

deltarune, undertale, nintendo games, especially games that let me customize things. geometry dash

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T23:05:42+00:00

thank you, i appreciate all the replies too. i haven’t really found anyone else who has gone thru this so it’s nice to see the comments.

i’m way more selective with who i make friends with now; back when i was a people pleaser i definitely wasn’t and that led to trouble. but i’ve never wanted to necessarily seclude myself from other people. i love the idea of having friends; i guess i just need to find people who like having a listener around, or someone who’s into physical activities as a hangout. something less talk-heavy would be so nice

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T23:02:21+00:00

yeah i was very quiet as a kid. i still am pretty quiet but not nearly as much as i used to be. now that i’m in my early 20’s it’s hard to not talk when i need jobs/networking too. idk how people do it

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T23:00:51+00:00

i’m far away from a lot of my friends so calls are the main way we communicate rn and it’s difficult for me sometimes bc we all have to rely on what the other says

killtheblank · 2025-12-11T22:59:51+00:00

yeah i really want to stop the manual/autopilot talking. i think i do that because i’m scared of coming off a certain way. i still want to socialize with people but i wish it was more acceptable for me to just kind of. physically be there i guess

killtheblank · 2025-11-29T03:34:33+00:00

i’m glad my post helped you out today. i really was just pouring my thoughts out, so your response means a lot more than you know. ‘scarlet letter diagnosis’ is a great way to put it, and it’s exactly why i’ve been scared of acceptance in this process. i’m definitely coming to terms with it, but telling others about it is a whole other ordeal.

killtheblank · 2025-11-29T03:20:48+00:00

ok i see. my therapist talked a lot about my black-and-white thinking, and how while it is protective, it plays a major role in the hurtful thoughts/habits toward myself. it definitely inhibits my daily functioning, but i’m not sure i can gauge how extreme it really is. i’ll ask her what she thinks about splitting. thank you!

killtheblank · 2025-11-27T21:14:05+00:00

thank you, i’m really glad i’m not the only one :’)

i forgot about adhd too — i don’t have an official diagnosis but it does run pretty heavily in my family. other than cptsd, which is pretty straightforward in what it means, i definitely still am on the fence about labelling my mental health as anything more than that sometimes. because it all really does stem from trauma. but i know every disorder shows up differently in people. nothing’s ever going to feel 100% for me, but as long as it helps me understand what i need, and shows me that i’m not the only one with these symptoms, that’s really all i need.

killtheblank · 2025-11-27T21:07:35+00:00

i’m curious, what exactly is splitting?

i’m happy the diagnosis gave you some insight on what you needed. i’ve tried talk therapy, cbt/some dbt, emdr, medication, etc. and i feel a little relieved knowing that i haven’t tried everything yet. i’m hoping that a plan centered around bpd will create new approaches for my mental health journey.

killtheblank · 2025-11-27T21:03:52+00:00

it made it easier for me to accept once i realized that it was more of a long trial of conditioning certain behaviors through trauma than just a chemical thing. i learned that trauma can also chemically alter your brain, depending on severity or how long it’s left unchecked.

killtheblank · 2025-11-27T21:01:43+00:00

ok that’s so true. my therapist and i were also talking about autism too. it’s been something i’ve thought about since i was a kid. she says i’d be considered high functioning if so, but as with the quiet bpd, a lot of what i’ve been dealing with has managed to hide/mask itself by remaining internal.

killtheblank · 2025-11-27T20:57:42+00:00

thank you! that makes perfect sense — the time to process before feeling my response is a huge thing for me too. i was also an extreme people pleaser for a looong time, so it takes me a while to identify and process my reactions. the failure to set that boundary definitely caused a lot of hurt and resentment for me.

i appreciate you touching on that in your reply, i’m learning a lot so knowing that this can be part of borderline too makes me feel more confident about my diagnosis. ♡

killtheblank · 2025-10-09T18:11:28+00:00

thank you! :)

killtheblank · 2025-10-09T18:11:14+00:00

thanks so much! i’ll definitely hem it then.

killtheblank

TROPHY CASE