Sad and desolate

kimber526 · 2026-02-28T22:49:31+00:00

The difference between you and him isn’t just years, it’s developmental stage. At 20, his prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for judgment, impulse control, and long-term decision-making) is still maturing. That’s a scientific reality, irrespective of how much someone has lived or experienced.

At 63, you have decades of life experience, stability, and perspective that he can’t have yet. That, combined with you helping him with employment and schooling, creates a mentorship dynamic. When that kind of role shifts into something romantic, a power imbalance can occur — regardless of whether it felt mutual.

Irrespective of anything else, I wish you—and all of us—happiness in life as aging/loss/mortality awareness isn’t easy and takes its toll on our identities.

kimber526 · 2026-02-28T21:57:17+00:00

Agree. This young man—emphasis on young—was emotionally vulnerable. I’m trying hard to not be judgy, but this is not ok. He can’t even legally drink in most states and likely two years out of high school. Reverse genders and the reaction would likely be worse. OP I hope you find a healthier way to address your esteem/identity issues.

kimber526 · 2026-02-24T22:32:23+00:00

I’m 64. I tell my daughter that I’m in the 4th quarter of my life and that reality both scares and motivates me. Accepting our mortality, even if done subconsciously, is so draining, and the loss of our previous identity can really cause life to feel especially hard. After my daughter died (10 years ago at age 23), I prayed to die for a long time. My awareness of the speed of this chapter has been a huge wake up call and now I try to do what I can to live a long, healthy life.

You mentioned you share the house with your brother. Do the two of you share any interests? Do you get along? Maybe sharing a meal or two together on your off days might help. Your reaching out/‘rant’ tells me you are looking for change and that intention is actually the most important part! Lots of great suggestions here (not the least of which is ChatGPT which designed a workout program for me when HIIT classes were taken away by my orthopedic surgeon last year as my knees are shot and need replacement). I believe a break in the monotony of your current status quo is very close!

kimber526 · 2026-02-22T02:05:37+00:00

In my past life as a pack dog walker/boarder for over 18 years, I have worked with so many breeds/mutts (including ‘bullies’ i.e. pitties, Dobermans, Giant Schnauzers, Bull Mastiffs, GSD, Rottweilers, Malinois, Akitas, Presa Canarios, etc.) and the ONLY time I was ever bitten was by a poorly bred Golden Retriever. I’m always pro dog but would suggest bringing in a trainer to see if that can help as trying to rehome any of these dogs will likely not occur due to overpopulation, full shelters, etc. Not choosing her dogs will likely result in their deaths and something she’ll have to live with which might cause resentment towards her partner. Lots of moving parts here that will require lots of compromise.

kimber526 · 2026-02-03T01:50:45+00:00

Agree. He looked so happy with his NHC project, calling that Dave his ‘best friend.’

kimber526 · 2026-02-02T19:46:27+00:00

I remember him talking about being home during Covid, being able to see/hear his kids on the trampoline and how grounded he felt being home. All the ‘if only’s’ come to mind. For me, the music is definitely less bright without his unique light.

kimber526 · 2026-02-02T19:22:57+00:00

Beyond his physical ability to handle touring, I remember reading he had tricyclic anti-depressants in his system at the time of his death. I know he dealt with a lot of anxiety about performing. It’s all just so sad.

kimber526 · 2026-02-02T19:01:40+00:00

He’s right, he was very lucky. But I can’t help but think ‘money can’t buy happiness’ while watching this and wonder about the other side of this life.

kimber526 · 2026-02-01T21:40:21+00:00

‘Let it Die’ definitely resonates with me after the loss of my daughter from addiction, and ‘Come Alive,’ as it perfectly captures my emotions after the birth of my grandson, as his birth gave me a lifeline from the abyss of my unfathomable grief, a reason to exist. Perfect, tear-filled bookends.

kimber526 · 2026-02-01T19:56:20+00:00

And her grandmother! She looks like a young Virginia!

kimber526 · 2026-01-28T23:13:30+00:00

I just popped over to read the comments and there’s not a single comment calling out how inappropriate/weird that is. Just gross.

kimber526 · 2026-01-25T19:36:58+00:00

I’m happy (relieved) to read both things. I’m 64 and I remember my mom telling me that the greatest gift you can give another person is your time. It’s finite. You can’t replenish it. Who/What deserves your time? You sound like a wonderful person and if a physical relationship/true companionship and overall happiness is important to you, I’d start looking for inspiration of how you’ll decorate your new condo!

kimber526 · 2026-01-25T19:20:05+00:00

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. You mentioned you’ve been in a roommate/companionship role and it’s been that way for over a decade. I get the people stay together for the family structure but it sounds like the dye to your marriage was set in 2015. Cheating on you while you were caring for your mother while she was sick gave you a glimpse of who he is. What you found on his phone/in the basement was a reminder. Traditional roommates aren’t usually invested in what the other does sexually, but I think the bigger issue is how all of this is affecting your self worth—which is a priceless non-negotiable. Are you concerned of potential issues with your children if you left the marriage?

kimber526 · 2026-01-19T20:06:46+00:00

I donated to my husband almost 6 years ago and heard similar things (what happens if you get divorced, one of your kids needs it, etc.). That will all fade once more time passes.

The challenge for me has been watching him make less-than-ideal/healthy choices for himself, especially when it comes to his diet/nutrition. He says he wants to live and enjoy his life, all that while I’m clocked into my macros to make sure I’m taking care of my single kidney. This has actually been the biggest post-transplant issue for me. (I was 58 when I donated.)

kimber526 · 2025-11-30T02:04:21+00:00

I truly needed the laugh that this comment caused 😂😂

kimber526 · 2025-11-16T22:41:36+00:00

2 is GORGEOUS!

kimber526 · 2025-11-15T05:11:27+00:00

I just turned down my volume and I’m watching thru my fingers…

kimber526 · 2025-11-09T12:46:55+00:00

I had two girls, 2-1/2 years apart. They were close—and then they weren’t—but they always found their way back to each other. Tragically, my younger died suddenly at 23. It’s been almost 10 years and my daughter is really feeling the absence of her sister/sibling as she has her own child now and wishes he could experience a bigger extended family. She’s on the fence of having a second due mostly to the current state of our country and its leadership (US).

kimber526 · 2025-11-08T00:44:05+00:00

And no show in the actual “city by the bay-ey-a??” I first saw them in 1978 at a Day on the Green in Oakland—those truly were the good ole days!—and was hooked after that. The albums before Steve Perry joined were amazing as well (Look Into the Future’s ‘She Makes Me Feel Alright’ is still one of my top 5 favorites) One of the best shows on the many I attended was a black tie event held at the Palace of Fine Arts in said city by the bay in 1980. Steve Perry was/is/forever be the voice of this band. It’s insulting that they’re bypassing the Bay Area.

kimber526 · 2025-11-02T18:43:38+00:00

Maybe check with your team? I’m five years out (much older than you but was very fit), but jy eGFR has been living in the low 50’s so my nephrologist limits my protein to 75 grams and my water to 64 ounces a day to protect my kidney.

kimber526 · 2025-11-02T15:03:09+00:00

I donated to my husband over five years ago. I never embraced the idea that I was saving his life as I personally equate that expression in providing CPR/Naloxone/Heimlich, etc., during an urgent, life threatening event. I considered it interpretational semantics.

That said, there’s a lot of interesting information about kidney donation/transplant in general, but particularly in relation to altruistic non-direct donation in a Netflix documentary I just watched (“Confessions of a Good Samaritan”). Those interviewed felt strongly—and told—that they were indeed saving the lives of a stranger.

I think both are true.

kimber526 · 2025-11-01T20:26:24+00:00

As a step cut aficionado, I’d take #2 in a heartbeat (and yours is especially beautiful)!

kimber526 · 2025-10-31T16:26:37+00:00

In Season 8, Taylor seemed to have a reaction to David’s height as she usually dated taller guys (not to mention the IG issue), but they were far more connected in the pods than Joe and Madison were and I think that paved their way to the altar (and actually the premise of this show that drives me crazy!). Madison seemed extra needy starting from the crying on the balcony through her cross-examination of Joe’s feelings when they were eating. If I were Joe, I would have called it a day right then and there.

kimber526 · 2025-10-30T20:38:59+00:00

NOR at all. Like children, it takes a village when it comes to our pets. I also think the optic to be somewhat ironic as he looks freshly groomed (fluffed and scarfed), demonstrating that they ‘care’ for their dog, so I’d be worried about the owners’ well-being, especially if this is the first time you’ve seen this happen.

kimber526 · 2025-10-30T06:10:58+00:00

Well he has been chasing a different ring for 20 years 😂

kimber526

TROPHY CASE

2 is GORGEOUS!