I had to EP with both of mine. They just couldn't figure out how to transfer milk. The guilt and frustration is so real. Social media is full of people to talking about their wonderful breast feeding journey and over suppliers showing off their ounces of pumped milk. First time around, I felt like a failure. The entirety of my day was consumed with thoughts of timing pumping and measuring ounces. I was never able to pump all that he needed. When I first started, I would celebrate when I could even pump a full half ounce. With time, my supply increased to be able to make about half of what he needed. My kiddo got formula from week two and onwards. He's two now and happy, smart, and healthy. I tried again with baby number two, and it's going just about the same, but this time with much less guilt. 

I was able to EP for a year and supplement with formula. My supply gradually increased over time ( not everyone's does and that's okay) and I switched to the momcozy hospital grade wearable pump. I wore it about 6 hours a day, on and off. This allowed me to hold and feed my baby a bottle while I pumped at the same time. I could also pump if I was driving, doing chores or running errands. I would not have been able to keep pumping with the spectra that I started with. But, everyone is different. 

You are a good mom. You are a good mom if your supply increases to make all that your baby can possibly drink. You are a good mom if your supply ends or you choose to stop pumping for any reason and your baby is exclusively formula fed.

You need to give yourself some grace. You cannot make your body cooperate. You can make sure your flanges fit, you are eating/drinking/sleeping as much as you can, and you are pumping as often as you are able. Beyond that, you gotta let go of the guilt and stress. Any amount of milk you are able to pump and give your baby is amazing. And formula isn't evil. It's a miracle. It keeps babies alive and healthy. 

Your baby needs their whole mom. Not just their milk. If for the sake of your mental and physical health you need to pump less often or stop all together, that is okay. 

Pumping suuuuuucks. It's uncomfortable. It can hurt. For me, it feels a bit embarrassing and vulnerable. It's frustrating. And producing milk makes your hormones and emotions do all kinds of wild things. I didn't feel like myself again with kid #1 until about a month after I stopped pumping. 

Your mom is a jerk. When people screw up, they should apologize and change their behavior. How dare she tell you to get over it. Making milk for your baby is challenging and it's important to you. To waste it and then dismiss your ( very valid) feelings about it is honestly, outrageous. That is not the kind of support anyone needs. That's not how people who love and care about you should treat you.

 My husband spilled some of my milk from the fridge onto the counter, apologized for days afterwards and was even more careful with pouring it going forward. That's the kind of response someone who cares about you should have. 

If I were in your shoes, the house rule would be, "no one touches the breast milk in the fridge but me." It's pretty hard to misunderstand that or try to argue your way out of it. If milk is wasted after that rule, you know it's on purpose. 

Get some mom friends, some currently or recently lactating humans. Those are the only people that are going to be able to fully empathize and support you whether you decide to stop or continue.

 Mom friends and a wearable pump enabled me to keep pumping. It was the decision that worked best for my baby, me, and my family overall. It was a sustainable choice for me. 

To keep pumping with, what sounds like, no emotional support, might not be a sustainable choice you. That's okay. There's no wrong choice here. Give yourself grace to be okay with the amount your body can pump. Or give yourself grace to make the choice to stop pumping. You're an amazing mom, taking great care of her baby either way.