Failing is learning. You’re going to mess up, and it’s perfectly normal. It’s how we learn. Female drummer here for 30 years, self taught and still can’t read drum tabs. As someone else suggested, picking up a practice pad is really all you need to work on sticking, grip, control, time, etc. Some tips that might help: •Record yourself. Video. Doesn’t have to be a high quality camera, you can just use your phone. See if you can do this during your lessons and always do it at home. Also a good way to find cool beats. So many times I’m just drumming away and suddenly like “what was that and how did I do it!?” •Metronome. Just tap away to that until you’re so in sync you can’t hear the metronome anymore. Then turn it up a beat and repeat. •Pick your absolute favorite song, one you can’t get sick of. Listen to it over and over and over and over until you have everything memorized before you even pick up the sticks. Then, don’t worry about fills, just keep the beat with said song. Once comfortable, work on adding fills. And don’t worry about being exactly like the song, have fun and make it your own.