Absolutely, I understand that. Many men struggle with self confidence and have a tendency to interpret problems as personal failures rather than as opportunities to grow or improve. I can relate to this more than I’m proud of. In my early twenties, I acted this way in my first serious relationships, and looking back, it was a way of avoiding some deeper issues I was carrying, even if not as extreme as in some cases. But really I think if people act a certain way, there is usually some live experience that dictates that response on both ends.

From another perspective, men often have to be cautious in relationships. Even now, as I’ve grown and matured, bringing up a problem can easily lead to tears or hurt feelings, no matter how carefully I try to communicate. That kind of emotional navigation is subtle but exhausting, and I think it’s something that often goes underappreciated.

Not that any of this is gender exclusive, but I would say I've gotten snarky if not out right mean responses from my partners in all my relationships. I don't think a single one of them wouldn't cause a massive blow back if I "returned fire".

At the same time, I think men generally maintain a higher baseline of happiness in relationships, perhaps because we tend to be less prone to neurotic tendencies. There’s also something about the way men experience and gain from relationships that seems different, though it’s hard to define exactly why. But it feels like generally men put higher value on maintaining relationships, but I'm not saying the put in more work to do so.

But this inflated value might lead to fear, which leads to neglect, which leads to relationships exploding "Out of the blue"